Parents, How Do You Do It?

I’m 25 years old, not married (but in a two-year long relationship) and I have no children. I would like to get married one day but I’m not sure about being a mother.

One of my countless worries is my ability to parent with a mental illness. I know people have babies and parent every day with mental health struggles, but I have no idea how it is possible.

There are days when I can’t get out of bed. When I can’t focus on anything but the ruminating thoughts in my head and all I want to do is be alone. How do you care for your children when you can’t care for yourself?

I’m also afraid of my child growing up in this hellish world. I hear horrible stories every day about the evil acts done to children at my work so I can’t not think about the possibility of something traumatizing happening to them. I worry that they could be born with a physical or mental disability or a mental illness like myself.

I would feel so guilty! I imagine that I would never feel that I was good enough and could never give them the life they deserve.

Parents out there who have a mental illness, please comment below and tell me how you do it! What are the struggles? Do your child(ren) also have a mental illness?

I would really love some insight on this.

P.S. I also know that parenting is not for everyone. I don’t know if it’s for me which is why I am asking questions. It’s for science!

Anxiety’s Lies

Why is it so easy to believe the negativity anxiety pours into my mind?

At the moment, my anxiety has taken the form of a dark storm cloud in my mind that is off in the distance. Each day getting closer and closer, like waiting for an impending doom. I stare out into this imaginary sky with a racing heart and the feeling that all of my organs have contorted into a knot.

What does this storm cloud mean? What horrible thing is on its way? What did I do wrong to create this storm cloud in the first place?

I worry and worry that my life is going to be turned upside down by this imaginary cloud in my mind. That the rain will start pouring with no end in sight, I will drown in my own imaginary realm.

My anxiety has taken the reigns of my brain and it is not giving them back.

Very rude!

In this magical holiday season I am trying to find positivity but I’m having trouble holding on to it. It’s like water, I grab it but it slips through my fingers.

It is mainly because anxiety telling me all sorts of shit like: “Something awful is coming your way, Megan. Better watch out!” and “Your boyfriend says he loves you but are you sure he does? You two have been getting along really well for months, that can’t last for too much longer.”

Anxiety is a shitty fortune cookie that I wish I could throw in the trash.

I hold on to those thoughts, no matter how negative or impossible the worry is. I keep them close to my heart even though it only weighs me down. I have no actual reason to believe my brain but I do.

The strain on my body from the anxiety makes it all the more real. My worries feel real even though I have no actual proof that there’s something bad headed my way.

My anxiety knows what to say to make me freak out, it comes straight for my throat. Anxiety never shows mercy.

I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow morning so I am hoping that her and I can sort this all out.

Happy Holidays everyone! I appreciate everyone who has read, skimmed, liked or commented on my posts since I joined this massive family here! I’m so happy to be here and be able to share my experiences and encourage my fellow writers.

Mindful, a poem

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I oughta give you a piece of my
One-track
Of the same
Back of my
Presence of
Take a load off my
Bored out of my
Blow one’s
Nobody in their right
Do you
Bear in
Keep in
A frame of
Peace of
Never-
You read my
Be of two
Speak your
Change your
Out of your
With someone in
An open
If you don’t
Lose my
A lot on my

Where is my…