Depression Poetry: A Retrospective

I wrote this poem on April 3, 2015. I was in a dark place. I was close to suicide for the first time since 2010. I had been mourning my grandfather and my life was in a bad place. I was in the depression cycle that started in the summer of 2014 and didn’t end until the summer of 2015. I haven’t had a depression cycle quite as long as this cycle.

This poem is one of my more darker free thought poems. I just wrote what I was feeling.

This is a look back at the top blog posts for The Bipolar Writer Blog which will end March 12, 2021.

Please join me on my new platform buy me a coffee as a supporter or member. Members get some unique extras the longer that you are a member. I am coming up with t-shirts, mugs, and other great gear for those who become outstanding members.

My Darkest Depression

I know it has been a long while…
I have been lost.
Depressed.
And even tittering on the edges of suicidal thoughts.

It has really just been that way.
I am so afraid.
So afraid of what could happen.
What might happen?
The truth?
I am going down a road that I may never come back from again.
It scares me to death.
I know the signs and yet here I am.
Afraid.
I am really just a mess so much lately.
Most nights I really want to cry.

So I cry myself to sleep.
Wishing.
Wishing that I don’t wake the next day.
Yet, here I am.
Awake again. Another day. More struggles.
I often think that God hates me.
That I hate myself so much that God has given up on me.
Let’s face it, I would give up on me.
It is a wonder that no one wants anything to do with me.

Is there something I can do, probably not.
My life is this mess, the mess I created.
The Chaos.

It’s not gonna change—I tell myself that every night.
It has become me, my past is present. It might be my future.
What does all this mean anymore?
I continue to perish in the darkness. Forever.
Darkness, my best friend, and worst enemy.
Depression my familiar companion, you never leave me.

by James Edgar Skye

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

Purchase my Memoir and Novella here: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Photo Credit:
unsplash-logoBen Blennerhassett

Interviews for The Bipolar Writer Podcast

The Bipolar Writer Podcast is new, with just a few episodes under my belt, but I am always looking for new people within the mental illness community to share their stories. It can be anonymous, with a pseudonym that you use or your real name. You can promote your work if it is blogs, mental illness/mental health podcasts and topics, your books, and really anything you want, but the central part will be your mental illness story.

Buy Me A Coffee

I will record the Zoom interviews and use Anchor.fm to put the podcast on different platforms like Spotify and iTunes. The only thing that will go live will be the audio file, and while I save my interviews, it will be on my cloud. The podcast is all about exploring the stories of depression, self-harm, anxiety, suicide, mental health issues today, mental illness stories, and everything in between. I would love for you to be one of the people that began on the ground floor of The Bipolar Writer Podcast. Thank you for your time, and you can use the contact page or email me directly @ jamesedgarskye22@gmail.com. You can also leave a comment below.

The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with A.K. Wilson The Bipolar Writer Podcast

About A.K. My name is A.K. Wilson, or otherwise known as Angel. I am a mother, blogger, mental health, and domestic violence survivor advocate. I am a multi-genre author and writer.  I was born in New York, Raised in NJ, made a home in Kentucky. I live life to the fullest and cherish every moment. My links 🙂 http://www.twistedenchantedworld.com Contact James If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye Also support a life coach that has influenced me along my journey of self-reflection: https://www.groundsforclarity.com The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/support
  1. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with A.K. Wilson
  2. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Hunter
  3. Interview with Amy The Bipolar Writer Podcast
  4. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Norm
  5. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Kathleen
  6. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Caroline
  7. Interview with Kathleen (Living Works)
  8. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Crystal
  9. Interview with Kasey Claborn, Ph.D.
  10. The Bipolar Writer Podcast: What's Going On? Why I've Been Missing

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

Purchase my Memoir and Novella here: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks

The Bipolar Writer Podcast

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

Angel on the Ward – The Release of my New Book!!

This will be coming out of the left field. I know I should have been marketing this book more here and in other places. Tomorrow should be, barring any more setbacks, the release of Angel on the Ward, a novella by James Edgar Skye!

Here is a sneak peak!

Life. Death. We have the power in us to take our life away, and James tried that with his own. Here is the thing. When you survive suicide, the aftermath devastates the survivor psychologically. For James, it landed him in a psychiatric ward with a fresh new diagnosis. The mysterious Angel appears on the ward with all the answers. James struggles with his dark passenger taking the wheel with Angel as his guide to the darkness. His world will be forever changed by a dream, but what does that mean? James will find out. So will you in Angel on the Ward.  

The book deals with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, diagnosis, life on the ward, suicide, self-harm, and other important topics that I thought could fit in about 130 plus pages and 35K words. It is action-packed, and I consider it a psychological thriller within the mental illness realm. It is written in my normal third-person omniscient from the main character. It was initially a short story I wrote when I began my bachelor’s degree.

You can find all my books on my author’s website, including the new novella. I hope to get everything cleared by tonight, including adding the novella and where but it to James’ book corner. If everything works out accordingly, I will be releasing the novella on the first anniversary of my mom’s passing, December 15th, tomorrow! Tomorrow will be a filled day as I plan on releasing my next Podcast episode as well, where I discuss how the last year has been, the things that I have done, and how I am dealing with the grief. It will be about tomorrow and my experience on the 6th, which marked the first anniversary of my mother’s stroke and the last time that I got to talk to her in person. 

The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with A.K. Wilson The Bipolar Writer Podcast

About A.K. My name is A.K. Wilson, or otherwise known as Angel. I am a mother, blogger, mental health, and domestic violence survivor advocate. I am a multi-genre author and writer.  I was born in New York, Raised in NJ, made a home in Kentucky. I live life to the fullest and cherish every moment. My links 🙂 http://www.twistedenchantedworld.com Contact James If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye Also support a life coach that has influenced me along my journey of self-reflection: https://www.groundsforclarity.com The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/support
  1. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with A.K. Wilson
  2. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Hunter
  3. Interview with Amy The Bipolar Writer Podcast
  4. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Norm
  5. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Kathleen

With that said, I hope that if you are a fan of my work, you are willing to purchase the book either on kindle unlimited or paperback (which I would love the most!) There will be more to come after the release about possibly selling the book on my website alongside my memoir, and looking out for a future post about getting a copy of the book in exchange for good or bad reviews does not matter to me. My writing so far is about word of mouth, so please share this post if you can on social media and WordPress. Help a struggling writer continue to do what he loves!

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

A Depression Poem – By J.E. Skye

I wanted to preface this poem with a “trigger warning,” this is a poem I wrote about suicide and depression recently, at this time I am NOT depressed or suicidal. But, this poem could trigger those feelings, so please read only if you are in a safe place. This free-verse poem was written during a poetry class in my last semester of my bachelor’s degree. It was my raw feelings when I was suicidal turned into a poem, please enjoy. I will link the other poem I posted recently.

Updated Version of my Poem: 12:15 am

My Darkest Depression

It has been a long while. I am lost in my darkest contemplations. Sinking, unable to breathe. “I’m Depressed,” there I admit it. Teetering, on the edges of the blackest of thoughts— suicide. The darkness serves as my safe and unsafe place. “I am always here for you,” says the darkness— it is far away in the distance, but I hear its cry. Fearful of this darkness I let the thoughts of the end consume, afraid of what could happen. What might happen? What will happen? This winding road is leading me to the point of no return. The darkness laughs, and it moves closer in the distance.

My thoughts seek the out the painful memories, and the thoughts missile into my consciousness. Afraid. So Afraid of losing myself. My life is a mess, a black hole of endless despair. At night I lay my head down— wanting to cry, and so I cry myself to sleep. “Yes, my friend, give in. You belong here with those who lose themselves.
Wishing. Waiting. Wanting. This will be my last day, nevermore. Awake. Alone. Again. Another day lost in the darkness, it consumes my inner soul.

God hates me for what I have become, I hate myself so much that God— he has given up on me. Let’s face it, my hope evaporated long ago, it is a wonder that no one in my life wants anything to do with this lost soul. “I am here for you—always,” the darkness tells me. Can I fight this— is there something I can do? Probably not. My life is this mess. The Chaos. I created a monster inside me.

The darkness begins to consume, first my mind— and then my body. The darkness is just outside my door, it tells me this is the right thing. “Death is just mean to an end— the end of the infinite agony,” he tells me. “Give in, your life is not worth living. Give in, it will be painless.” Thoughts devour any shred of hope. The darkness wants to win. It just might.

I find myself on edge again— a familiar place, but this time it is different. I lay out the pills tidily in front of me. Counting. Thinking. “Yes,” exclaims the darkness, “this is who you are now.” How many sleeping pills does it take to sleep forever? This becomes routine— a nightly ritual that never changes. I tell myself every night, this is the night. “You must do this now,” the darkness hovers just beside me, “this is your destiny.” A flood of my past consumes my present. There is no future.

What does life mean anymore? I continue to perish in sinking into darkness. Forever. Darkness, my best friend— and worst enemy. Depression my frequent companion, never leaving me. My darkest depression. Will I give in?

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worse that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

If You Ever Need The Bipolar Writer

I am doing something unorthodox today here on The Bipolar Writer. I hope that I have created a place where my fellow mental health sufferers can have a “safe place” to discuss their own issues. I often get emails from many who are seeking help or guidance or just want to talk about things. I want everyone who comes to this blog to know that if you are suicidal there is always someone here, I am always here to talk.

The unorthodox part is that today I am going to give my number to my followers if you are suicidal and you don’t want to reach out to help-lines (I have learned recently that they are not always great.) So, if you need to chat you can text me anytime. I will get back to you as soon as humanly possible. As a mental health advocate and someone who has been through the worst parts of mental illness alone, I want you to know I am a lifeline.

831-287-4369

You are not alone. Suicide is not the answer. Again, I am always here to talk anytime.

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worse that can happen?

James Edgar Skye 

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Works in Progress and the Future for James

Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

2020. If you could sum it up with one word what would it be for you?

For James, it would be simple as WOW.

Here in this safe place, my collaborative blog, I have always been honest as I can with what I write, and for the most part, I have been open to everything about my life I share with you, the reader. There is a caveat, there was for a while me not so open to the world. Perhaps even most of my life, and that has been a different James thanks to life coaching. Now that will be for a later post, but it is relevant to what I will share with you now. 

An Updated Works-Progress Literary Works

Works to be Published – Angel on the Ward

I have one work that is ready for the world to see. I have mentioned a few times that I am working towards self-publishing my first fictional piece, a novella about a year in the making, Angel on the Ward. There have been some delays. I am looking at a tentative date in early December if my cover is done by my cover artist. 

In Final Edits – The Rise of the Nephilim

My major novel, The Rise of the Nephilim, has been on the back burner as I have been swamped finishing my master’s degree (I have one more semester). I have decided to take a semester off to get this novel over the top and ready to be sent out to publishers. For those who do not know, this is fantasy fiction, Dark Romanticism, gothic, medieval and futuristic six-book series that I have been writing for over a year and developing for over nine years. I finished the first draft sometime around this time last year, clocking in at over 213K in words, so I have got my work cut out for me in editing. 

Works in Progress

 I currently work in the writing process and move towards a first draft, a book for my business, The Bipolar Writer Ghostwriting Services. This book is for a local man, and I started it in January. We have gone through the interview process, gathering everything, and now I am writing the book’s significant chapters.

The Beginning Stages Projects

One of the upcoming projects and I am working on funding is The Legacy of Sang’s Cafe in Salinas. It is a local book that I am proud to be writing. As a writer, there are not always chances to write about the place where you grew up. The author is raising funds and so if you can donate to The GoFundMe here.  I am the ghostwriter on the project.

The other project I am also excited to be working on is more of a secret project. I can say I am in the interview stage, and it will be a fiction novel. That is all I can say right now.

Upcoming Projects

The Many Faces and Voices of Mental Illness

I have written about this project here.

I wanted to add to this list because I am working on an idea, and right now, they are ideas. One is a nonprofit to educate the rift that I have seen within the mental illness community and the professionals who prescribe us medication and therapy. Through experience, education is something that I have done throughout the blog, but see a need that can be filled. It will take some research from now until the end of the year. I am also beginning to get the first few episodes of my podcast off the ground.

For everything social media for James Edgar Skye visit my Linq Site here. 

For ASIST Suicide Prevention Training Program | LivingWorks please visit here: https://www.livingworks.net/asist

Buy my book on Amazon through my website.

Always Keep Fighting

James

The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir

The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir

It has been a while since I did some marketing for The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir. This is my memoir about my experiences over the first ten years of my diagnosis of Bipolar One in 2007. Now almost a year since my mom’s death, there has been a lot going on in my life. Marketing has not been on my mind. I desperately needed to make changes in my life, and if not for life coaching, a recent event could have taken me from my work. (I will explain in more detail in a blog post later this week. You can also watch the video below.)

Interview with Ground for Clarity LLC Founder Kim Johnson

If you are looking for a good book for those colder nights getting darker earlier and earlier, my memoir is for you. It really explains a significant part of my life. I will write another memoir within the next year or two with a very different tone. There will also be a blog post about my current works-in-progress, my company’s plans–The Bipolar Writer Ghostwriting Services, the release date for Angel on the Ward, and other essential things. I will be writing more blogs to end 2020.

For everything social media for James Edgar Skye visit my Linq Site here.

For ASIST Suicide Prevention Training Program | LivingWorks please visit here: https://www.livingworks.net/asist

Buy my book on Amazon through my website.

Always Keep Fighting

James

A Delay of “The Voices of Mental Illness Project” to 2021

I am sad to say that I had to move the start of “The Many Voices and Faces of Mental Illness,” my two-year project, to 2021 for several excellent reasons. I am working on getting my LLC, The Bipolar Writer Ghostwriting Services, off the ground. I want this project to be one of the main ones that launch the business. The second is that all the proceeds are going to a mental health/mental illness foundation that I am currently working on starting. I am beginning to figure out what that entails (if anyone has the help they could offer about starting a foundation, I would gladly accept.) The last being that I have two significant book projects to finish and a novella to self publish by the year’s end. I plan on resetting 2021.

If you have reached out (and I hope you’re reading this those who have) I have not forgotten and we will begin in the new year with interview for the book. I do want to put faces to the illness, so pictures at lease one will accompany each story. The last story will be my own with some pictures that I have taken alongside the journey of writing this book. With that said, if you want to be on the list to be interviewed, please email me @ jamesedgarskye22@gmail.com.

Always Keep Fighting

James

You can find all my social media here:


https://linqapp.com/james_skye

An Article About the Local Book I am Writing

The Bipolar Writer Ghostwriting Services Latest Book

Sang’s Cafe

The Bipolar Writer is moving forward with his LLC business. The Bipolar Writer Ghostwriting Services is my new company. If you are looking for a memoirist, I have room for one more project. I have been taking on a book about one man’s philosophy on life, a fictional novel that I am super excited about, and a local book about a restaurant staple of my hometown Salinas, CA, since the 1940s. The owners are personal family friends. John Steinbeck, who wrote many stories about my hometown and its surrounding area, ate and wrote at this establishment.

I recently interviewed alongside my co-author for a local paper to showcase that James Edgar Skye is writing a book. It has turned out well for me as the ghostwriter on the project and the author (co-writer), the owners’ daughter, and granddaughter, respectively. I wanted to share that article with the readers and the GoFundMe page that I started to raise the costs of ghostwriting the book to allow the burden to not entirely be on my friend. With that said, I will leave the links below.

The Legacy of Sang’s Cafe in Salinas Article

The Legacy of Sang’s Cafe in Salinas GoFundMe

Always Keep Fighting

James

You can visit the author site of James Edgar Skye here.

Purchase The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir here.

My Dark Passenger, Can I Detach? Part One

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

My Dark Passenger. I remember when I first named my depression, the dark passenger. It was sometime after my first psychiatric ward visit. It felt right, and to be honest, to have a name for it, that identity was a way to separate from the depression, but it was not really a separation in truth. I gave it a name, a place in my life, and it has always been my downfall. Sure, I have won battles since it became a part of me, but I have yet to win the war. It is always there, but does it have to be?

I have talked recently about detachment, and it is something that I am learning in life coaching. Recently, I was talking with someone, and they said something that stuck with me since. Creating a space for myself and detach the dark passenger. It was a challenge from this person, and I wondered if I could because as much as I have shed my life’s identities, this is a major one. I have no doubt the ability to detach is within me. I created the dark passenger, and letting go is something that I am getting better at over the last two months. 

The dark passenger is an old friend. I have known this something for so long, and I know if I give it space, it may never leave me, and detach we can be separate. Less depressive episodes would be a significant step in a direction. It is not like I have not done it before, because I have gone long stretches, much like my depression cycles of the past, without depression. It has been more challenging this year, as things have been tough at times. I know I bring it up, but losing my mom was a significant event in my life, and while I have had tremendous strides in allowing space for my grieving process. There are milestones in the first year of a loss that I have to face. I would like to face these events detached from my dark passenger.

I want to challenge the very idea that depression is just something that is a part of me, which, since my diagnosis, all the professionals in my life its been the party line. That is just ludicrous because, while I can get depressed, I have seen first hand that it does not have to control me. I can allow it to me, and the next step is to detach and perhaps, for now, handcuff the dark passenger to me, so that when it wants to be a part of my life, I can tell it, NO. Try it. Tell you depression, no. I bet it will change everything.

Always Keep Fighting

James

You can visit the author site of James Edgar Skye here.

Purchase The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir here.

My Memoir

Become a Patron of James Edgar Skye and be a part of his writing here: Become a Patron! You can get this amazing cup!

Photo by adrian on Unsplash