There are many foreign words that do not have an English translation. One example is the Japanese word mushaburui. It translates to shaking or trembling with excitement. Musha is the Japanese word for samurai or warrior. Burui comes from the verb furu which means to shake or tremble. One website referred to the word as “shaking like a samurai.” The English translation doesn’t convey exactly what the word means. One person described with a scenario. Imagine a samurai waking in the morning before a battle. They are shaking with anticipation. It’s both fear and excitement. Will they live? Will they die?
The description of this word makes me think of a panic attack. Sometimes there isn’t any real danger when one has a panic attack, but the emotion is the same. The 2010 film “13 Assassins (Jûsan-nin no shikaku)” has a character who mentions this emotion. He says at one point in the film, “As a samurai in this era of peace, I have wished for a noble death. Now fate has called to me. See, my hands are trembling. It’s a warrior’s battle shakes.” Is the anticipation of one’s death not the same as a panic attack? It’s about one’s perspective of what they’re feeling.
This also reminds me of the 1998 film “Saving Private Ryan.” I have mentioned before how I related to Tom Hanks’ character in the film. At the beginning of the film, as the boats approach Normandy Beach on June 6, 1944, his hand is trembling. This is the same feeling the samurai felt in “13 Assassins.” This is the same feeling I have during a panic attack. When someone asks how I’m feeling, I can finally provide a word to describe it. Not everyone will know the meaning, but there is a kind of power in giving something a name.
The next time you’re feeling excited, be it negative or positive excitement, call it was it is. Mushaburui. Having this new outlook on what this emotion is, I can overcome some of my fear and accept the panic attack. I accept it as something natural. It prepares my body and reminds me of my own mortality. Courage doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means you go anyway. I’ve felt like I’ve lived in fear the last couple of years because my body would tremble at the thought of something. I will force myself to keep going. Whether I tremble or not.
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The first time I saw this film, I enjoyed it but I always wondered why they never explained the shaky hand that Tom Hanks’ character Captain Miller had in a few scenes. The most memorable scene with this was at the beginning just before the soldiers storm the beach of Normandy, France. Captain Miller’s hand starts shaking, as if he has had too much coffee and little food, but it seems like he ignores this and the viewer assumes it will be explained later. They never mention it and only use it as a visual.
I did not understand this when I first saw the film because I was about 12 years old. I understand now that it was intended to visually show the post-traumatic stress Captain Miller had experienced. I would also consider this a physical symptom of a panic attack. I never knew I had anxiety and depression as a child. I only discovered this recently and I am 31 years old as I write this article. Within the last couple years, I learned what a panic attack really was with first-hand experience. My attacks were never as severe as others I read about but it was still real.
For almost 5 years, I was a bouncer at a nightclub. This job came with lots of stress having to babysit 250+ drunk adults. I have been puked on, pissed on, punched in the face countless number of times, had a homeless man pull a knife on me, and someone tried to intentionally run me over with their car. All this stress added to my anxiety. The last 2 years as a bouncer, I noticed that my chest would start pounding if I thought something serious was happening. A balloon popped during New Year’s Eve and I spent 10 minutes trying to calm down.
I checked my heart rate one of these times and noticed that it was still within the normal range. My heart rate was not elevated but my chest was pounding. I looked up what this could mean and everything said this was a symptom of a panic attack. I had never had a panic attack before and these had been going on for about 6 weeks before I looked it up. When I have a panic attack, or if I think my life might be threatened, my chest starts pounding and I become hyper alert looking at and listening to everything.
I do not know if I have post-traumatic stress but I do have anxiety and some of the symptoms are similar. This film resonates with me more and more each time I watch it. I can relate to Captain Miller even more now than I did 20 years ago. I understand the emotions and thoughts that are going through his mind before storming Normandy beach. I understand why his hand is shaking during certain scenes of the film. I understand why he still gets out of the boat despite the threat of losing his life. Courage does not mean you are not afraid. It means you go anyway.