Depression While in Quarantine

I’ve been working from home for about a month now. As I hope many of you are, I am staying home about 95% of my weeks, the 5% is just to go out for groceries and pick up takeaway orders from some local restaurants.

Being home all of this time has made the voice of  my depression loud and critical. Because I have been depressed, I haven’t felt like doing anything besides laying around. I say to myself that I should do something, even just one thing, but often times that is a fleeting thought.

Depression tells me that during this time at home I should be productive. I should be exercising in some capacity twice a day because I have gained a little weight. I should be cleaning the house and doing home improvements that I have put off instead of playing The Sims 4. I should be posting on my makeup Instagram account or I will lose all of my followers I have worked so hard to get.

On Tuesday it peaked and I had a minor freak out. My boyfriend kept asking what was wrong, I would say nothing and he would reply, you’re lying. I was lying. Saying that nothing is wrong and that I’m ok is my most told lie.

I did open up though. It was hard to express myself in that moment. I’m a writer, I find it difficult to express myself in speech compared to writing it out.

He was supportive of me and said it was ok. That I don’t need to always be productive, that it’s ok to play The Sims.

I know that I would give the same advice to somebody else but I could never tell myself that.

This weekend I hope to get at least a couple things done to quell the demands of my depression. I hope when Saturday arrives I will have the motivation and strength to follow through.

How has your mental health been lately? Are you feeling things for intensely than you normally would or have you become numb to it all?

A letter to myself on the days I feel I’m about to drown

You are so much more than your productivity. Don’t break yourself for it.

Friendly reminder that “your best” doesn’t mean pushing yourself to your breaking point. “Your best” means the best you can do while being your best you. Get enough sleep, give yourself breaks, listen to your limits. “Your best” is better when you are happy and healthy.

I know how important it is to you; your work means everything to you, it’s your driving purpose, the fire in your belly, it’s how you find meaning in this sometimes arduous existence.

And you should work hard, push yourself, challenge yourself, get outside your comfort zone.

But you can be all of those things and be the best you. You can be successful without ignoring when your soul and body tell you that they need rest. God, I PROMISE the world will not end if you switch your phone off for a day and don’t open any emails! I swear, the world can go on without you!

Imagine your role in the world has a play and pause button. Don’t be afraid to hit pause when you need to; you can hit play just as easily, even though you’re afraid that if you stop you’ll lose momentum. But sustainable progress and growth and success don’t work that way. People who burn bright until the end are those who know when to dim the lights and when to turn them all the way up. dardan-671877-unsplash

I promise the world will survive if you take the day – maybe even the week if that’s what you really need – to breathe, to get to that laundry that’s been giving your anxiety and sweep all the dust out from under the bed and buy yourself some flowers and connect with loved ones for no reason other than that you should make all the time in the world for the things that matter in a life that is so fleeting.

You’ll hit play when you’re ready. Your fear of failure is just a shadow, it can’t hurt you or your progress. Acknowledge its presence, but say, “this feeling is uncomfortable, but it can’t harm me, it’s just a feeling, nothing more.” Just because you FEEL afraid that taking a break to recharge your mind and soul will derail you doesn’t mean it actually will.

I promise it won’t, so love and believe in yourself enough to trust your ability to get back into the race – after you’ve taken a moment to breathe, hydrate, stretch and centre yourself.

Your health, your wellbeing, and YOU exist outside of how productive you are. Don’t sacrifice those things for productivity. You are valuable and worthy of love and success and happiness and all things great even on your lazy, unproductive days where you don’t do anything noteworthy. You are amazing and valid even on the days you don’t do anything particularly amazing.

Resting is amazing.

Listen to your limits, and value yourself enough to do what you need to do when the alarms go off.

fatima-fuentes-1083754-unsplashHitting pause never killed anybody. You deserve rest, no matter how productive you think you haven’t been/should be.

So, go out and do your best this week; be the best you.

-Steph (hunting happiness)