We Grow Stronger After We Break

Music has always played an important role in my recovery–mostly praise and worship music or anything inspirational. I love music that touches my heart and speaks joy into my heart–or makes me FEEL something–especially when I was empty and couldn’t feel anything.

Today I repeatedly listened to the song River by Josh Grobin and wrote a post on my blog with the video on it. Here is the link if you would like to see it.

The song River touched my heart. Sometimes a song or music in general does that for me. I can lose myself in the beauty and power of music and art–it captures my soul for a while and I lose myself within it. It is extraordinarily healing, soothing and can be exhilarating. I love that when it happens.

This is part of the uplifting chorus to the song River:

“I walk down to the river,

Though I might not understand it,

It’s not always as we planned it,

How My Loud Bipolar Whispers (with a music video)

“My loud b;polar

roars fear, anger and sorrow

and whispers hope, inspiration and love

at the same time.”

~written by Susan Walz

If you ever wondered about the meaning behind the title of my blog, My Loud Bipolar Whispers, and how it came to fruition, I will explain it the best I can…

The definition of loud is producing or capable of producing much noise and is easily audible; with a great deal of volume. Synonyms for loud are noisy, deafening, roaring, thunderous and powerful.

The definition of whisper is speak very softly using one’s breath without one’s vocal cords, especially for the sake of privacy. The synonyms for whisper are murmur, mumble and hiss.

Image result for loud whispers

In simplest terms bipolar disorder is a mental disorder (or as I like to refer to it as a brain disease) marked by alternating periods of elation and depression. Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs of mania or hypomania and lows of depression.

Bipolar disorder was formerly called manic depression. Manic depression and loud whispers are both oxymorons. An oxymoron is a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction, like, for example, falsely true and a loud whisper. 

Bipolar disorder was always so difficult for me because of the two extremes of moods I experienced nearly every day for over twenty years, as I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder with rapid cycling and mixed episodes. I was either hypomanic or manic, or depressed. I missed the important, good, peaceful and content middle ground. I seemed to not have a middle mood (until today.) The extremes were so difficult to comprehend and live with, but I managed to survive and reached recovery and so can you. I promise you will get there. Please keep keeping on and keep fighting.

When I thought of bipolar disorder, extreme opposite moods, behaviors, emotions and feelings came to mind. Also, there is something beautiful and peaceful to me in the sound of the spoken word whisper. If you say the word whisper repeatedly in your mind or out loud it can calm and soothe your spirit. The rest is history. My Loud Bipolar Whispers became the title of my blog nearly two years ago.

These are the loud parts of bipolar:

  1. Bipolar disorder is a very painful mental illness that can become very debilitating, overwhelming and lethal.
  2. It can damage and destroy lives and can cause much destruction, pain and loss in the lives of those living with it and in the lives of those who love them, as well.
  3. Bipolar disorder is an illness that takes a lot of strength and courage to learn how to cope and overcome its severe symptoms, the stigma of mental illness and the painful and dangerous side effects caused from psychotropic medications used to treat it.

The beauty and joy lie in the fact that there is hope. Recovery is possible, achievable and worth every fight, battle and step of your journey. I am living proof of that.

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Bipolar can be loud, but listen for the…

whispers of bipolar: 

  1. Bipolar disorder helps you find the courage and strength you never knew you had.
  2. It prepares you to overcome other life obstacles and struggles.
  3. Bipolar teaches you how to live, survive and thrive and achieve goals you never knew were possible.
  4. Bipolar teaches you important lessons in life that everyone should learn and know, but could only be learned by going through this mental illness journey.
  5. Bipolar increases your compassion and gives you empathy for other people.
  6. Bipolar teaches you to be kind.
  7. Having bipolar enables you to help others in many different capacities.
  8. Bipolar increases your insight about people and life.
  9. Bipolar helps show you who your true friends are and how to be a true friend to others.
  10. Bipolar teaches you how to find the good in people and life.
  11. Bipolar teaches you to appreciate the goodness in life, no matter how small and few.
  12. Bipolar makes you a survivor.
  13. Bipolar teaches you to live, to truly live. I don’t think I knew how to live before I reached recovery.
  14. The best part of having bipolar for me was that I found God. God saved my life many times. I believe He healed me to the point I am healed today. I found the joy and love that can only come from my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and for that I am eternally grateful.
  15. Bipolar gave me a huge desire and will to love and live as Jesus would.

Please remember…

“When you help others essentially you are helping yourself.” ~Susan Walz

I love this song and I love this version of the song.

It is powerful and emotes so much emotion.

Feel the surge of emotion hit you hard and soothe you at the same time.

Listen to the loud whispers

and to the sounds of silence.

“The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence

The Sound of Silence – Disturbed

“The Sound Of Silence” Lyrics

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dare
Disturb the sound of silence

“Fools” said I, “You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you”
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said “The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence”

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