Nightmares While I’m Awake

I lay in bed, my brain twisting with horrible thoughts. This weekend my husband takes two of our small children to a baseball game without me because I’ll stay home with the baby. A thousand scenarios race through my mind days before they leave. I can’t sleep and know I won’t be able to until… Continue reading Nightmares While I’m Awake

Should You Have Kids If You Have a Mental Illness?

I often wonder if I’ve screwed up my children. Not only do I enact terrible punishments like limited screen time or healthy options before sugar, but I also insist they do homework and get to bed at a reasonable time. Most of all, though, I worry that I literally screwed them up. You know, genetically. I… Continue reading Should You Have Kids If You Have a Mental Illness?

If Only, a poem about motherhood

“If only, if only,” the young mother sighs, “I did all the chores;” there’s hope in her eyes. She washes and foldses and relocates toys. She vacuums and bleaches and separates boys. “If only, if only,” the young mother shouts, “You’d not kill your brother when I’m not about.” She wrestles and time-outs and wait till… Continue reading If Only, a poem about motherhood

Weekly Wrap-up 12/4 – 12/10

My original plan was to spend my day editing and forgo my weekly wrap-up, but when I woke this morning I felt good and the need to write was there for me. What I love about writing my weekly wrap-up is it gives me a chance to close out my week and talk recap of… Continue reading Weekly Wrap-up 12/4 – 12/10

My Mother Saved My Life

There has been one constant in my journey with Bipolar One disorder, and that is my mother. Since the day I was diagnosed she has been there for me fighting the fight that I should have been fighting all along. She fought for me when I didn’t fight for myself. I can’t imagine the pain that… Continue reading My Mother Saved My Life