Today and friends

So today I have been thinking about friendships and one in particular. My boyfriend has a female friend that has known for a couple of years long than he’s known me. Well over the summer last year they were talking all day every day for about a 3 hours a day. When I’ve asked him to not talk to her he said no that he wouldn’t stop. I’m supposed to be his partner, but I don’t feel like it.

Well the last time I had asked him to not talk to her she threatened to go behind my back to see and talk to him. This hurts a lot, but what makes it worse is that he did talk to her behind my back. Which hurts even more. I don’t know if I can trust him to not do that again. I really wish he just would block her on everything. He doesn’t need her all she does is add stress to him and then it gets turned around on me and he’s an ass to me.

I’m not even sure what to do with these emotions I feel like crying and ignoring his call later today. I feel like that would be a bitch move but I’m not sure what else to do. He has asked me to not talk to my family before and I can’t ask him to not talk to her. I’m not even sure what to do about my relationship with him. I already feel really bad lately about the way I am. I feel bad about myself in general and put myself down a lot. I understand that you are not supposed to do that, but I have such low self-esteem lately that I don’t feel capable to tell him how I feel.

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash