A Small but Certain Happiness

The other day I scrolling the internet (ok, I’ll be honest it was Weverse) when I came across a sentence that has stuck with me.

I’ll give some context. The author was talking about how lately he has been drinking plum juice, something his mother used to make him as a child.

He said, “I think plum juice is my small but certain happiness nowadays. If you feel bored just staying inside, maybe it’s a good idea to have a small but certain happiness.”

These words have been rolling around in my head and I really wanted to share them with you all.

During quarantine, I think my small but certain happiness has been practicing yoga nearly every morning. It has truly made a difference in the way I feel physically and gets me energized for the day. Instead of dreading leaving my bed, I am alright with it now.

Also taking the time to read a good book and write letters to my grandmother have been sources of small happiness.

My gram lives in a nursing home which has been on lock down for well over a month. She can’t leave the home or can’t have any visitors unless it’s an emergency. She is hard of hearing, like most people at 90 years old, but it’s 100 times worse when she’s on the phone. So I don’t have to shout into a phone, her and I have become penpals. I send her a letter plus an envelope and stamp so she has everything she needs to reply.

What is your small but certain happiness? If not, what is something that could be?

I hope everyone is staying healthy and is well! Please stay home when you can and when you go out please wear a mask. They are quite fashionable and you can feel like a k-pop idol so there’s a positive twist on it.

My Love for Korean Pop – APink!

I love these types of posts because I get to share my love for Korean Pop. For as long as I can remember, when Girls Generation came of the scene, I have loved the Korean language expressed through music. I love ballads, and you can get plenty in the genre. This week I would like to share one of my favorite groups–APink! So here are some of my favorites!

Music That Changes my Mood

I love these types of posts because I get to share my love for Korean Pop. For as long as I can remember, when Girls Generation came of the scene, I have loved the Korean language expressed through music. I love ballads, and you can get plenty in the genre. This week I would like to share one of my favorite groups–APink! So here are some of my favorites!


[MV] Apink(에이핑크) _ NoNoNo
[MV] Apink(에이핑크) _ LUV
[MV] Apink(에이핑크) _ Remember(리멤버)
에이핑크_BUBIBU
Apink ‘Good Morning Baby’ M/V
[MV] Apink(에이핑크) _ The Wave(네가 손짓해주면)

I have many other songs but this is a great sample size. I hope you enjoy!

Always Keep Fighting

James

You can visit the author site of James Edgar Skye here.

Purchase The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir here.

Become a Patron of James Edgar Skye and be a part of his writing here: Become a Patron!

The Best of Me

“You gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you,” are the lyrics to “Magic Shop” by Korean pop group BTS. I have been listening to this song over and over because I keep thinking about these words.

Sure, it’s not the most eloquent phrasing but I think that they are on to something here.

For ages we have all been told to give everything our best whether it’s academics, athletics, music, art, relationships, etc. That if we give anything our best effort we have a higher likelihood of succeeding.

During the many times I have sat and contemplated these lyrics, I understand it as we so often give the best of ourselves to others but have a harder time giving the best for ourselves.

I try to give my best to my family, boyfriend, pets and friends but when it comes to giving my best for me, that’s a different story. I know that eating well, exercising and having human interaction is good for me but I don’t always put in the effort. If I had a paradigm shift, I would try harder to do the things that are good for me so I could be at my very best.

If I gave my best for myself, what would my life look like? This is a question I have been focusing on, digging deep into it to find a possible answer.

I still don’t have an answer but during these weird times of social distancing and staying home basically all the damn time, I have time to really think about it. I also have the time to focus on giving myself the very best of me.

What do you think of these lyrics? Do you have a similar interpretation or not? Do you think you give yourself the best of you?

Please everyone be smart and safe!

Something Fun – My Love for K-Pop

I have written about this and posted music on this blog. I have also shared my love for Korean pop music, something of a guilty pleasure. I listen to K-pop more during the day than any other music. Today I wanted to dedicate this post of my favorite Korean singer, Taeyeon. Music is the great equalizer and in this mental. illness life, music gets me through the day.

TAEYEON 태연 ‘I (feat. Verbal Jint)’ MV
TAEYEON テヨン 「VOICE」 MV
TAEYEON テヨン ‘Stay’ MV
TAEYEON 태연 ’11:11′ MV
TAEYEON 태연 ‘불티 (Spark)’ MV
TAEYEON 태연 ‘내게 들려주고 싶은 말 (Dear Me)’ MV
TAEYEON 태연 ‘사계 (Four Seasons)’ MV
TAEYEON 태연 ‘Fine’ MV

Taeyeon considered one of the greatest Korean singers, and her voice has always been angelic. Perhaps that is why I love her music so much! I will be posting these again in the future!

Always Keep Fighting

James

You can visit the author site of James Edgar Skye here.

Purchase The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir here.

Become a Patron of James Edgar Skye and be a part of his writing here: Become a Patron!

A Letter to Myself on my Birthday

Note: I have wanted write this blog post since day one of starting The Bipolar Writer blog. It seemed to fit that on a day like today— my birthday— that I would share this letter. It means the world to me to be in a place where this is possible, to talk about where I have been. This letter is written to James Edgar Skye, my pen name.

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A Letter to The Bipolar Writer

What a journey it has been to get here, James.

Become a Patron!https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js

I can remember a time where you honestly believed that you would never make it. You always thought that the darkness that still sometimes engulfs your life would eventually take you— and there were a few close calls along the way. Somehow you find the will to fight, even on those days where you thought it would be your last.

Look at you now. Just a few months away from getting your Bachelor’s Degree in creative writing with a specialization in fiction. You found your writing side in the past few years in minoring in screenwriting, political science, and journalism. It has been a journey of peaks and valleys, the good and bad parts of being Bipolar seemed always find its way in your studies— and yet you are going to graduate summa cum laude. I remember the doubts you had over the last four years, and each time you proved yourself wrong by always excelling at everything school threw at you.

Even though you never got your Hogwarts letter, you still maintained your love for reading. Now you have turned that love into a writing career.

5A1ACF83-1D4E-4A72-9A10-98C1FF20D21E.jpeg

I can barely remember your first birthday after your diagnosis became Bipolar One. You were a different person then, and you have come so far from the days where you barely noticed time passing you by in this life. The first three years of your diagnosis was filled with so much negative. Depression became your most familiar companion. Anxiety seemed to fill your days, and so you hid from the world— and you barely left your house those three years.

I always wondered why you gave into the darkness three different times in your life and turned to suicide as a way to escape. It was the worst parts of your life, and luckily you survived. Now, look at you, sharing your experiences with suicide and self-harm to advocate that there is a better way. Suicide is never the answer— that is what you tell people now. You had to live through a lot, but it was all worth it to help others. I believe that you are helping people.

Who knew you could find the strength to tell your story. You really have come a long way, and now you have a real chance at helping others. Writing and creating The Bipolar Writer blog was the best decision that you made outside of going back to school. Now you have finished the first draft of your memoir, and now you are looking toward the future instead of the past.

On this journey, you have found ways to cope. Listening to music and your favorite K-pop group have gotten you through so much. Writing finally became your way of life, and you have indeed found your place in this world. It has helped you grow as a better person in life. It defines the best qualities of who you are— never let that go. You found watching baseball— the Los Angeles Dodgers— as your way to cope during the summer months. You get through the worst parts of your depression and anxiety, and you are always open to finding new ways of dealing.

BE4AED66-F867-46AF-92D8-6D7951B99DC2

Sure, you are still a work in progress. At times social anxiety gets the best of you. At times you lose yourself in panic attacks. Depression likes to sneak up and take over for a time. It’s not a forever thing. But this Bipolar life is always evolving, and you still find a way of adapting.

There is so much to look forward to James. Selling your screenplay. Publishing your memoir. Working on your Masters later this year. For the first time in this life, you are making plans for the future, and the goals that you have worked so hard on are within your grasp. There has been so much pain over the last ten years, but there was so much good. You found a way to live with being Bipolar— without it defining who you are inside and out. You just have to give yourself a break and work on not being your harshest critic.

There will be days where being Bipolar is all you can deal with, but you go to sleep each night knowing tomorrow is another day. Anxiety and depression are a part of who you are— but they don’t define you. The most significant thing I want to tell you is that you are a fighter. It was always there a part of you. It took you so long to get here, but the journey was worth it.

There was a time when you didn’t want to live. That time has passed. You know it is God’s plan that you are alive.

You used to wake up and hate that you were still alive. Now you wake up with the knowledge that the day before was a fight— and you fought well. Always keep fighting, it is the best part of you, James.

Here is to many more birthdays to come and finding happiness in this Bipolar and social anxiety life. I’m on a rollercoaster that only goes up.

F49BEDAB-DFF2-4E4D-8E48-3F9C9D28F4D1.jpeg

Always Keep Fighting

James

You can visit the author site of James Edgar Skye here.

Purchase The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir here.

Become a Patron of James Edgar Skye and be a part of his writing here: Become a Patron!

Photo Credit:

unsplash-logoAustin Mabe

unsplash-logoSteve Halama

unsplash-logoRae Tian

unsplash-logoCampbell Boulanger

unsplash-logoWang Xi

Become a Patron!https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js

Music That Changes my Mood Pt. 18

This week I am featuring somewhat of a repeat of a post I have done before on The Bipolar Writer– my obsession with Korean Pop group Girls Generation (I listen to a lot of K-pop, but they are my favorite.) I have been obsessed for years with Korean and Japanese culture, and music really is what gets me through so much in this mental illness life. So here are some of my favorite songs, straight from my K-pop playlist on iTunes music.

This week I am featuring somewhat of a repeat of a post I have done before on The Bipolar Writer– my obsession with Korean Pop group Girls Generation (I listen to a lot of K-pop, but they are my favorite.) I have been obsessed for years with Korean and Japanese culture, and music really is what gets me through so much in this mental illness life. So here are some of my favorite songs, straight from my K-pop playlist on iTunes music.

An American Obsession With Girls Generation Pt. 2

I Got A Boy

All My Love Is For You

Baby Maybe

Everyday Love

Dancing Queen

Gee

Into The New World


One Last Time

Light Up The Sky

Baby Baby

Dear Mom

Well, that is it. I really love to do these music related posts. They’re mostly for me but I do love to share this with my followers.

James

Photo Credit:

10 Things You Should Know About The Bipolar Writer

Sorry for being not so available this week. I’ve had finals. Once I am done with this week, I will be writing three new feature articles in my ongoing series Interview Features – The Series

I love these lists because it gives insight to you my fellow bloggers about pieces of my life. You know about many of my issues and how I deal, and you even know my history. But what about me personally?

Well, here are 10 things you should know about The Bipolar Writer.

  1. I love books – I guess that might not surprise you, but that love started as a young child. I was read to my whole life, and by age three, I could understand on my own reading chapter books. I read at a college level by the fourth grade. I have some favorite series like Harry Potter series, Game of Thrones, and yes even the Twilight series.
  2. Music is life – I have this sincere appreciation for all things music. I don’t have a specific genre that I listen to because my theory is if it sounds good then I will listen to it.
  3. I love to read poetry – I am not great at writing it. I am taking a poetry class my last semester, and I hope to write poetry book in the future.
  4. Edgar Alan Poe is my favorite author – A close second is Earnest Hemingway.
  5. I have a sincere appreciation for the people in my life that stuck with me through the bad and the good. There is a good chance if you saw me at my worst and still wanted to a part of my life you are family to me.
  6. I am not a great people person in real life – It is part social anxiety and part introvert that keeps me from being openly communicative in public. I tend to walk with my head down trying to not make eye contact.
  7. For the first three years of my diagnosis, I didn’t believe that I was Bipolar.
  8. I love sports but especially baseball. I love that from April to October I get a chance to watch my favorite team the Dodgers play.
  9. I am an outstanding role-playing video gamer. It’s in my blood. I played my first game, Alex, the Kid on the original Sega, when I was three. Been playing games ever since. I excel at strategic role-playing games.
  10. I love to write because I can get lost in worlds that create. My characters are always an extension of who I am as a writer.

So there you go. Another ten things list. Check out my other list of ten things in my life.

10 Things the Bipolar Writer is Afraid Of

Ten Things I Wish People Knew About My Social Anxiety Life

My Article for PSYCOM

James Edgar Skye

Photo Credit: unsplash-logoAaron Burden

A Letter to Myself on my Birthday

Note: I have wanted write this blog post since day one of starting The Bipolar Writer blog. It seemed to fit that on a day like today— my birthday— that I would share this letter. It means the world to me to be in a place where this is possible, to talk about where I have been. This letter is written to James Edgar Skye, my pen name.

A47A4436-A765-45C0-AAAE-2CFDD74BFEE0

A Letter to The Bipolar Writer

What a journey it has been to get here, James.

I can remember a time where you honestly believed that you would never make it. You always thought that the darkness that still sometimes engulfs your life would eventually take you— and there were a few close calls along the way. Somehow you find the will to fight, even on those days where you thought it would be your last.

Look at you now. Just a few months away from getting your Bachelor’s Degree in creative writing with a specialization in fiction. You found your writing side in the past few years in minoring in screenwriting, political science, and journalism. It has been a journey of peaks and valleys, the good and bad parts of being Bipolar seemed always find its way in your studies— and yet you are going to graduate summa cum laude. I remember the doubts you had over the last four years, and each time you proved yourself wrong by always excelling at everything school threw at you.

Even though you never got your Hogwarts letter, you still maintained your love for reading. Now you have turned that love into a writing career.

5A1ACF83-1D4E-4A72-9A10-98C1FF20D21E.jpeg

I can barely remember your first birthday after your diagnosis became Bipolar One. You were a different person then, and you have come so far from the days where you barely noticed time passing you by in this life. The first three years of your diagnosis was filled with so much negative. Depression became your most familiar companion. Anxiety seemed to fill your days, and so you hid from the world— and you barely left your house those three years.

I always wondered why you gave into the darkness three different times in your life and turned to suicide as a way to escape. It was the worst parts of your life, and luckily you survived. Now, look at you, sharing your experiences with suicide and self-harm to advocate that there is a better way. Suicide is never the answer— that is what you tell people now. You had to live through a lot, but it was all worth it to help others. I believe that you are helping people.

Who knew you could find the strength to tell your story. You really have come a long way, and now you have a real chance at helping others. Writing and creating The Bipolar Writer blog was the best decision that you made outside of going back to school. Now you have finished the first draft of your memoir, and now you are looking toward the future instead of the past.

On this journey, you have found ways to cope. Listening to music and your favorite K-pop group have gotten you through so much. Writing finally became your way of life, and you have indeed found your place in this world. It has helped you grow as a better person in life. It defines the best qualities of who you are— never let that go. You found watching baseball— the Los Angeles Dodgers— as your way to cope during the summer months. You get through the worst parts of your depression and anxiety, and you are always open to finding new ways of dealing.

BE4AED66-F867-46AF-92D8-6D7951B99DC2

Sure, you are still a work in progress. At times social anxiety gets the best of you. At times you lose yourself in panic attacks. Depression likes to sneak up and take over for a time. It’s not a forever thing. But this Bipolar life is always evolving, and you still find a way of adapting.

There is so much to look forward to James. Selling your screenplay. Publishing your memoir. Working on your Masters later this year. For the first time in this life, you are making plans for the future, and the goals that you have worked so hard on are within your grasp. There has been so much pain over the last ten years, but there was so much good. You found a way to live with being Bipolar— without it defining who you are inside and out. You just have to give yourself a break and work on not being your harshest critic.

There will be days where being Bipolar is all you can deal with, but you go to sleep each night knowing tomorrow is another day. Anxiety and depression are a part of who you are— but they don’t define you. The most significant thing I want to tell you is that you are a fighter. It was always there a part of you. It took you so long to get here, but the journey was worth it.

There was a time when you didn’t want to live. That time has passed. You know it is God’s plan that you are alive.

You used to wake up and hate that you were still alive. Now you wake up with the knowledge that the day before was a fight— and you fought well. Always keep fighting, it is the best part of you, James.

Here is to many more birthdays to come and finding happiness in this Bipolar and social anxiety life. I’m on a rollercoaster that only goes up.

F49BEDAB-DFF2-4E4D-8E48-3F9C9D28F4D1.jpeg

J.E. Skye

Photo Credit:

unsplash-logoAustin Mabe

unsplash-logoSteve Halama

unsplash-logoRae Tian

unsplash-logoCampbell Boulanger

unsplash-logoWang Xi

Favorite Music

Music That Changes my Mood – The Series

I started a series of blog posts sharing some of my favorite music when depression is overwhelming me. It has started a series here on “The Bipolar Writer” I thought it was time to put everything together in one blog post. This series started with a post about my favorite Korean Pop music, an obsession of mine. Here is the entire series of “Music That Changes My Mood.”

An American’s Obsession with Korean Pop

Music That Changes my Mood Mood Pt. 1

Music That Changes my Mood Pt. Two

Music That Changes my Mood Part Three

Music that Changes my Mood Part Four

Music that Changes my Mood Part Five

Music that Changes my Mood Part Six

Music That Changes my Mood Part Seven

Music That Changes my Mood – Part Eight

Music That Changes my Mood – Part Nine

Music That Changes My Mood – Part Ten

Music That Changes my Mood – Part Eleven

Music That Changes my Mood – Part Twelve

Music That Changes my Mood – Part 13

Music That Changes my Mood – Part 14

Music That Changes my Mood Pt. 15

Music That Changes my Mood – Pt. 16

Music That Changes my Mood – Pt. 17

Music That Changes my Mood Pt. 18

Music That Changes My Mood – Part 20

Music That Changes my Mood – PT. 21

 

J.E. Skye

Photo Credit:

unsplash-logoMohammad Metri

My Weekly Wrap-up 11/27 – 12/3

It’s been an interesting week for me. I went through a panic attack almost every night this week, My anxiety is at high levels, I saw my psychiatrist with a positive outcome, I continue to have issues with my computer, I found a faculty member at my school to sponsor my screenplay for a student screenwriting competition, and I am looking at alternatives to combat my anxiety with a service dog.

All in all its been a week to remember, and I’d rather forget some of the moments. So let’s look back at the week and what this blog had to offer.

My Third Honest Post

At the start of this week I wrote a new journal piece that is a part of a series entitled My Third Honest Post. In this piece, I explored what I have learned since starting my blog over three months ago, and I thanked all the people that have made The Bipolar Writer possible.

Overload

In this blog piece, I analyzed some great information about the causes of my social anxiety tied to overloading myself with school and my writing. In this piece I compare last year at this time and how similar my issues now parallel the present. I really focused on the “why” in this piece.

An American’s Obsession with Korean Pop

Okay, technically this piece wasn’t written this week but it was a fun one to write so I wanted to share it. I am a huge fan of Korean Pop and I am learning Korean as my New Years resolution.

How I Write When Things get Muddled

It’s interesting that I was able to write so much considering my anxiety levels this week, but this was piece was special to write about because I talk about how, when I am deep into the darkness of my depression, it is imperative for me to keep writing. Even when things are muddled in my mind.

How Social Anxiety is Changing my Life

Social anxiety is a major issue in my life and one that, over the last two years, has really kept me from doing the things I love like going to a movie or just being in the general public. Not leaving my house in the winter time has been a common theme, one that I need to work on in the coming year.

Light in all the Darkness

This post was after my appointment with my psychiatrist in which I had little faith in the time leading up to the appointment. But I put my faith in a higher power and everything turned out okay. Sometimes light gets through the darkness.

My Love for the Game of Baseball

This was just a fun blog post about my love for baseball. I am not all about doom and gloom with my anxiety and depression. There are other sides of who James is as a person.

My Last Suicide

This blog piece opens up about my last suicide attempt in 2010. I talk about different aspect of this last suicide attempt including my “for the last time” moments. Suicide is always a hard subject to write about but I do feel better afterward. I did mention in this post that I thought suicide was a selfish choice, but to clarify I mostly mean in my own life. I still stand by that statement, it is selfish to leave behind people that love you, only my opinion.

My Thoughts on Group Therapy

I wrote this as an opinion blog piece and I was surprised at the number of people that agreed with me about how group therapy just isn’t for them. I also had a few people praise group. I think its a decision we all have to make in the end.

So that is my week in review. A lot of great information was shared this week even with all my struggles.

I wanted to end with a note for all of my followers who have donated towards my new computer. Thank you so much! It means the world to me. I am still short of my goal but I am working hard to reach that goal. If you can help me, you are amazing. The link is below. If you can’t, I hope you can still enjoy what I have to offer on my blog.

Here’s to a great week for my fellow bloggers!

Always Keep Fighting.

J.E. Skye

Photo Credit: Green Chameleon