The Silent Sands of Illness



This is a new rendition of a poem I wrote on my blog.

The Silent Sands of Illness

Spheres be fed the blackened beast,

For long to fill his gluttonous feast.

Not life itself could escape it’s grasp.

For death to all the plague they clasp.

Yet random the beast, it toyed it’s prey,

Amused with the game of chance to play.

Ally of time, it’s patient was astound.

Stomach growls the best around.

But who would have thought that the beast – himself,

Could make it’s prey place their hopes and aspirations into a shelf?

What will the prey be bound to do, to make it through?

The beast as it preys, acting as a bough,

A bough of illness.

Amused again by the game and a chance to play,

It’s patients were astound — astound,

by the growls of the beast’s stomach – the growls of the best around.

Thank you for being with me. Let us rebuild a healthy state of mind.

Love, Francesca.

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Reflecting Before It Gets Ugly

I’m starting to see some negative characteristics in myself. Recently feelings of jealousy have been becoming more and more prominent in my mind.

My jealously is fueled by fear.

The fear of being forgotten. The fear that I won’t be loved anymore. That I will eventually fade from his mind and heart because he will be focused on spending time with friends that he cares about more than me.

I fear that the more time he spends with his friends, the less he will love me.

My anxiety is telling me all of these things despite reality. I know he loves me, I see it everyday!

I know that the tighter I hold on, he will feel suffocated. He will want to push me away instead which is the exact opposite of what I want.

The last thing I want to be is a toxic person to one of the people I love most.

I don’t know how to get rid of these jealous feelings, I’ve never felt this way before.

I want him to be happy in all aspects of life. And I’m not just writing that because I’m about to share this with a bunch of people; I truly mean it.

Have you experienced jealously in a long term relationship or in a friendship? How do/did you cope with it? How were you able to overcome your feelings of jealously?

It’s Your Path in Your Time-Don’t Compare it to Others

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In a recent conversation with a friend, the subject of how easy it is to compare ourselves to others came up. We talked about how when we look at something that someone else has accomplished, especially if we have a similar dream, it feels natural to wonder how they climbed the mountain of success, how we can do it like them or even why we haven’t.

This is a vice for many, and a dark tunnel I entered many times through my journey, sometimes so focused on someone else’s happy ending, I lost sight of my own. While every now and then I find myself staring into the dark once again, I now close my eyes and realize what I learned from my past lessons.

That there is much more to someone’s back story then we will ever know, and each of us not only has a unique script, but a time for it to be told. 🧡

While we may all picture similar paths for ourselves, not one us accomplishes this life the same, not one of us is passionate for the same reason or dreams the same way. Each of us are unique, because each of us bring something spectacular to the table in our own perfect time.

Don’t compare yourself to those around you, believe in the uniqueness of your story, shine the light only you possess and walk the path only you were meant to, because the mountain may be steep, but it’s yours and yours alone, and it will be worth the climb. 🦋🧡

Much love,

Lisa J.

Life List

When I was ready to live in my truth, it felt like home ~ Lisa J.

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Photo by Pixabay

I had something profound happen to me last night that seemed like the cherry on top of a lovely day. If you’ve kept up on my blog, I’m sure you’ve noticed an underlying theme. I enjoy writing about how I’m finding my way to my happiness, and now that I’ve revamped the definition of my happiness, my path to my truth. It is also my practice and my joy to inspire others to look from a different perspective, believe in who they are, and listen to their hearts and the quiet voice from within.

In an earlier post, “This is Me, This is My Why”, I gave a short summary of my crazy life, which was a small glimpse of my sometimes chaotic, rocky, dark and unsteady, but purposeful journey. During these years of my life, never did I realize I was developing awareness or learning lessons that would have led me to where I am now, and it is a common occasion when I don’t realize just how far I’ve come.

Last night, I stumbled upon a “Life List” I wrote back in 2006, and as the name implies, it is a list of 60 things I wanted to accomplish in this life. However, the profound and fascinating part to me is not necessarily the list, but that I truly don’t ever remember making this list, why I made this list, or even that it was here in this house. Last night it served as a giant reminder, sign, smack in the face, whatever you want to call it, as to how much I’ve grown and changed, but yet, not changed, in the last 12 years.

While the entire list is not completed, like visiting Australia or New York, many, many of them are, and I honestly didn’t realize I was checking them off. This is truly something extraordinary that makes me realize my true nature, even when I thought I lost it so many years ago, stayed with me through dark and light, good and bad, so when I was ready to live in that truth, it felt like home.

The entire list is lengthy, so I won’t name them all, but I will touch on the ones that are significant and eye opening to me. The truth is though, to truly understand why this is so profound, you must understand where I was in my life when I wrote it. With no question, I had no idea where, or what, my life purpose or meaning was, or even what I was doing with myself or how to live without drama or madness; however, the items on this list were as important to me then (which I didn’t realize) as they are now, and made it full circle to becoming the foundation of this blog that I only began in July of this year without consciously realizing.

The below consists of various practices I apparently had hoped to accomplish, and many achieved, and you can see, at different periods over the last 12 years, and those I did not even think to begin to practice until this past July:

Forgiveness (2018); Be more confident (ongoing); Quit smoking (2011); Positivity (2018); Meditate (2006 and then never again until 2018); Remove the negative and take control of my life (2017-18); Get my Bachelors (2020, I’ll be 41); Pray more (2018, which I never thought I would do again); Face my fears (2018); Stop worrying about getting everyone’s approval (2018); Start running/exercise (2013); Coach (2011-2014); Volunteer (started at the animal shelter 2010); Travel to places I’ve never been (2006-present); and Inspire (hopefully, 2018). I can say without a doubt, this list got lost never to be thought of again until last night, but MOST of them happened within the last 12 years, without me even realizing.

I continue to be in awe that these items were written so many years ago and although I consciously did not see them every day, I was subconsciously checking them off one by one. That in mind, and as powerful as this is to me, I’ve decided to make a new list, but this time around, I plan to make it visible every day:

1)   All the stuff from the first list that is ongoing, or I have not yet accomplished, like learning to Salsa;

2)   Get married;

3)   Write for a living;

4)   Co-Create with one of my closest friends;

5)   Own a business (this was also on list #1);

6)   Practice self-care (eat better, exercise, meditate);

7)   Appreciate and be grateful for everybody and everything, small and large in my life;

8)   Travel, and travel more;

9)   Walk with faith;

10)                Love lots…

Your mind is a beautiful, mysterious and incredible thing. What we desire in this life is attainable if we desire from a place of passion, truth and love. Sit down, have the thoughts, say them out loud, make a list, plant the seeds in your subconscious, and your true nature and path will reveal itself, even if it’s 12 years later.

Much Love,
Lisa J.

Photo Credit: unsplash-logoCathryn Lavery

Patience Will Get You There Quicker

Patience will achieve more than force – Edmund Burke

The art of patience was always a mystery to me. I walked through this life expecting immediate answers and quick action. I never thought of it as impatience, to me, this was responsible, dependable and what was expected. If you got instant results you were successful, and you were on the best path for you. It took a whole lot of life to teach me my philosophy was dead wrong.

I was, and I’m really working on, not being the most impatient person that walks the earth. No joke, I watch for the water to boil, or check my email a hundred times, and refresh a hundred and one. I have always felt I had to have instant results, instant response, instant reaction. Then, if I didn’t get what I was waiting for in that timeframe, I would get anxious and angry and the conversation in my head would swirl with doubt and disappointment. Most of the time these moments would involve me putting myself out there for interviews, publication, critique or grades, but sometimes my anxiety would sprinkle a little fun on my already impatient mind and take my worry to a whole new level.

I can still hear it now  “what if they didn’t get what I was trying to say”, “what if they don’t like me”, “what if I offended them, oh god, what if I offended them”, “what if something is wrong”, “maybe I was wrong”, “what if they’re hurt, or worse”, “maybe I’m not good enough”, and as time ticked by the anger would turn to sadness, and the conversation went more like “yeah, I definitely wasn’t good enough”, “I suck at everything, I’m never gonna make it”, “I’m just not pretty, or cute or fun or nice or sweet, or worth it…..”. My impatience turned into so much more than watching water boil and I sabotaged myself before I gave myself or anyone, for that matter, a chance and I’d give up, pretend I didn’t care and quit.

You see, my impatience was not just irritation at red lights, or slow check out lines, my impatience ran to a deeper level, the level of acceptance by others. It needed to be instant, or I was panicked with doubt, and it took a long time to realize that the more patient I was with others and with me, the quicker I got where or what I was looking for.

Ironically, I began this next paragraph several days ago completely different than I am today. The point I’m attempting to make with this post and the evidence to back it, finally came to me in such an unexpected way. This evening I went digging around in my old papers looking for quotes I jotted down years ago when I first acknowledged my love of writing. Within those papers were unfinished stories, a first and last chapter of a biography, tales of my kids and pages and pages of ideas and notes. If I told you I found my passion back in 2006 it may come as a surprise or it may not, but the fact is, these papers just prove that patience is key. I did not have these notes handy the day I began this blog or my project of Finding Happy, One Day at a Time. These notes pictured were boxed away in 2009, but its clear evidence to me that if we were meant to journey down a path, we will, you just need a little patience.

Patience allowed me to soften to the possibilities of life, love, happiness and most recently, purpose. By stepping away from my keyboard I had the opportunity to reflect and discover what I may not have to finish this post, and on a bigger scale, patience has allowed me to pursue my dream without haste, which has shown to be most rewarding, follow my heart without urgency, and find my purpose in this life. What we desire and the purpose for which we live may not be revealed to us in the timeframe we believe it should, but it does not mean it fails to exist. If we are just little more patient with the process and with ourselves, where we are meant to be, and what we are meant to do, will be disclosed to us quicker than we can imagine.

Much Love,

Lisa J.

Post about how patience will get you there quicker

Notes from 2007 or 2009. Who knew I’d start a project in 2018 named Finding Happy, One Day at a Time.

unsplash-logoCathryn Lavery