Reclaiming My Love For Literature

I am guessing that most of you might have realized that I have been absent for quite some time. Despite me being an advocate for mental health, I too suffer from mental health issues and the health issues hinder my day-to-day experiences. Though I understand that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Mood Disorder, it doesn’t define who I am and who I aspire to be.

It takes a lot more effort though to manage and deal with what is expected of us, from our jobs, schools, work and family life. It can be quite taxing especially when one is currently having an episode. When I had my fourth episode this year, I was hospitalized for quite a while, longer than I have ever been before. I had suicidal ideation and had no recollection of anything that I was doing.

I lost a sense of who I was because, at the time, I had not found the right cocktail of medications that worked for me. It was all trial and error and I was frustrated since nothing was working and that I took longer to recover from episodes.

I lost so much interest in things that I used to love doing. I stopped journaling, writing code, blogging and of course, began despising literature. Mind you, I’m not a literature student, I am a computer science and engineering student. This may sound extremely weird for most people because most people in Stem fields have little or no interest in literature. Believe me you, there are so many of us, in stem that appreciate language beyond research purposes but for the beauty that the art of language portrays.

Before and during my hospitalization I lost my ability to read and retain what I read. I was infuriated by this because literature was my canvas, my form of expression besides science. I was lost and felt hopeless. While I was in hospital my boyfriend brought me novels and non-fiction books. I struggled to read more than 10 pages a day, but as time went by I picked up speed and began reading and writing. Before I knew it, I finished a 150-page novel in two days within the second week of my hospital stay. I progressed and read more books which were a bit longer than the first. My love for literature and reading was reignited.

I found me again. It’s through the little things in life that we know our life purpose. It’s not about the money or the physical things that fulfill us but rather the tiny little basic needs that we require to live our lives. The ability to have the freedom to express what we want and the freedom to be authentically ourselves. As I mentioned, I found me again and I couldn’t be happier!

Thank you for being with me. Let us rebuild a healthy state of mind.

Angel love and rainbows.

Love, Francesca.

When We Take Our Nose Out of Our Book, We Learn to Change Our Story

This articles talk about changing your story & writing your happy ending.We are all human, and no matter our upbringing, family, education, or life choices, we all encounter struggles, heartache and negative influence, and its so very easy to fall into the trap of overlooking the beauty, kindness, gratitude and love that not only exists in this sometimes unrelenting world, but in ourselves.

We, as humans have the tendency to stick our nose in our own book, and we inherently believe that the script of what others portray on the outside is their actual truth, when in reality, “faking it to make it” is the game they play just as well as you. There were many times in my life that I would assume the perfect life existed in everyone’s else’s story, there were princesses and handsome princes that didn’t have the fire breathing dragon that burned me on more than one occasion. I would hurt so deeply that I couldn’t even imagine that anyone would understand. It’s true, parts of my story were difficult yes, but that is what I was missing, it was only part of my story.

Negativity and believing everyone else had a better chance, better job, better ability, better life kept me from picking my head up out of the book of lies I was telling myself. I believed in the incomplete scripts of the world, and it took a giant sword to pierce my heart to wake me up. A few years ago I witnessed and felt a giant loss, a loss that makes you rethink life itself and force me to rewrite my ending. That loss taught me that everything is not always as it seems, pain, heartbreak and struggles do not discriminate, and our perception is not always reality. Most importantly my biggest lesson was that life was way too short to have my face shoved in my own book.

So I picked up my head, I started to see things more realistically, I practiced every day to silence the inner narrator so I could truly see the reality of the beauty, kindness, gratitude and love that existed around me and in me. Amazingly, once I opened my eyes to the fact that although everyone’s story is different, we are all trying to write the same happy ending, and my world exploded with new people, new experiences, new moments and a new story, and it was a story I was excited to live. Suddenly it wasn’t hard to see the good anymore, and the more good I saw the more it came into my life.

Life can write us some insanely difficult chapters, it can test our strength, path, purpose and faith, but those hard times, those times when you think you just can’t do it anymore, are the foundation of who we are, but it is not the whole story. How we overcome and how we choose to live through it can be the highlights, but we must remind ourselves that the good exists, that the unimaginable is possible, and we can live a script so exciting, so beautiful and so loving that it may feel like a fairytale. We just need to look up from the pages of who we think we are and see the reality of what we can be. All of us dream of the storybook fantasy, but reality is, none of us are living it, so be kind, surround yourself with people reading the same book and choose to write your happy ending.

Much Love,

Lisa