good | The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

I spent some time in the Arizona Army National Guard. They had started a program called Master Resiliency Training (MRT). Arizona had one of the highest suicide rates among soldiers. They sanctioned this program to help soldiers “overcome adversity.” The Psychology Department of the University of Philadelphia created the program. After a few years I had forgotten a lot of the training. One thing stuck with me though I never practiced it. It was called “Hunt the Good Stuff.” A simple exercise of writing down three good things that happened to you that day before bed. And writing why those things were important to you.

I remember a Major telling everyone about when he first heard about this exercise. He thought it was stupid. His instructor told him to try it. What did he have to lose? The training went for three days. He noticed by the second night of “Hunting the Good Stuff” he was sleeping better. This Major also had two young daughters whom he didn’t know how to connect with. One night at dinner, he asked his family to tell each other three good things that happened to them that day. His family started doing this every night. His daughters start talking about their good things before anyone else. He was able to learn about and connect with his children with this exercise.

Over the last couple years, my life has had many ups and downs. After so many things chipping away at my resolve, I grew more depressed and negative. I got so negative that someone close to me told me they didn’t want to be around me anymore. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I felt I had hit rock bottom. My job offered six free counseling sessions and I took them. I started a “Hunt the Good Stuff” journal. I still have a long way to go but I’m 1000% better than I was. That was five months ago. This one exercise has done more for me than I ever imagined. I wish I had started doing it sooner.

1. When I Look for Good Things, I Find Them

When I first started this exercise, it felt daunting. I wasn’t sure if I could find three things to write in this journal every day. I had to think for a few minutes. The more often I did this, the easier it got. I used to get angry and sad because my mind autopiloted into negative thoughts. When I sat down and thought about the good things, I always found good things. Perspective and attitude do play a role in one’s mindset. Reflecting on something good, no matter how small, every day has helped to change my way of thinking.

2. Others Noticed a Change in Me

It took several weeks before someone said anything. My sister mentioned noticing a huge change in me. A better change. My coworkers noticed too. One of them wanted to take photos for a work Instagram. I joined in and enjoyed being in the photos. I overheard someone say they had never seen me smile so much. Coworkers were happy to see me when I went to work. They were excited to work with me that day. Positive thinking has led me to enjoy the people I work with even if I don’t enjoy the job itself.

3. I Gained More Self-Confidence

I talked with a coworker about some of the things I had been doing since I felt my life had fallen apart. I mentioned my counseling and “Hunting the Good Stuff.” I thought she would say that she noticed I was happier. But what she said surprised me. She noticed that I was more confident in myself. I never would have guessed that would be a result from positive thinking. It makes sense. Being positive had made me act sillier and have fun without the concern of what others might think. I can’t remember the last time I was like that.

4. My Attitude Changed; I’m More Positive

As expected, positive thinking has led me to see the world in a positive way. I don’t always assume the worst from people. I rationalize things differently. When someone says they forgot about plans we made because they didn’t put it in their calendar, I understand. I’ve done that too. Before I would assume, I wasn’t important to them and that’s why they forgot. Sometimes people get busy and it has nothing to do with me. I don’t make plans as often now, but I don’t get upset if things don’t go to plan.

5. I Changed How I Talk to Myself

One of the things I started along with “Hunting the Good Stuff” was a positive affirmation. The person I was close to who didn’t want me in their life anymore gave this to me. I repeat the phrases, “I like myself. I love myself. I deserve good things.” I once repeated these words over and over for about 20 minutes. This helped but writing three good things every day helped too. My internal monologue has changed. I don’t call myself stupid when I make a mistake. I don’t say negative things to myself as often. It’s still there now and then, but less frequent.

6. I Sleep Better

It doesn’t work every night. Some nights I’m still restless or only sleep a few hours. But overall my sleep has improved. I have dreams more often. Fewer nightmares. I sleep longer and deeper. I don’t always feel energized, but I don’t feel drained upon waking up anymore. I give myself a couple hours in the morning before work. I allow myself time to ease into the day. This has added to my daily productivity and attitude when going to work. Most of the time, I can go to sleep at the time I want to start sleeping.

7. I Enjoy Things Again

I used to have a general crabby disposition. Even when I used to enjoy something, I didn’t show much enthusiasm. I find myself feeling good after doing things. I go to movies alone and reflect on having a good time with myself. If I go to a party, I socialize for a bit and enjoy some food. I walk in with no expectations and walk out having had a great time. I get more reading and writing done because I enjoy doing it more.

I’m surprised how much this one activity helped change my perspective on life. I still have hard days where I have to force myself to find good things. The last few weeks I’ve moved from at least three good things every day to four good things every day. More and more days are having five to seven good things. As of writing this, I’ve been practicing this exercise for over 150 days. That’s five months. I may never get back the people I lost when I was negative and depressed. But I will do everything I can to not make the same mistakes twice.

The good stuff is always out there. You just have to look for it. Happy hunting!

James Pack is a self-published author of poetry and fiction. Information about his publishing credits can be found on his personal blog TheJamesPack.com. He resides in Tucson, AZ.

This blog post was inspired by the post of a contributor on The Bipolar Writer blog.

Short-Term versus Long-Term Effects

Are medications right in the long-run?

I had a thought that I wanted to share today, and it is this: are psychiatric medications useful in the long-term?

I haven’t talked much about a recent change in my medications. I wanted to preface this with, “it is imperative to speak to your mental health provider before making any medications changes, it can be deadly to just stop many psychiatric medications.

That is what I did this summer, I talked to my psychiatrist about a change that I really wanted to do—get off of antidepressants. This came from my own personal history. Since my diagnosis almost eleven years ago, I have changed my antidepressants at least once each of those years. At times it was more than once a year. Over time, they became less and less effective. I wanted to know if I could go without this type of psychiatric medication.

So, with the advice of my doctor, I slowly decreased to a point where I stopped the medication altogether, and it took about a month and a half. I could tell right away that it was helping a lot. Between February and April of 2018, I hit one of the roughest depression cycles in almost two years. It was brutal. My depression hit levels of 2007, my diagnosis year. So I started this experiment in May, and the results have been promising.

I have decreased my depression to its lowest levels ever in my life, and to a point most days I feel little or no depression.

That brings us back to this blog post and if psychiatric medications are useful in the long-run. I am a firm believer that medication is essential to improving mental health when a person is first starting out with a diagnosis and even in the years to follow. The problem is that, at times, doctors fail to explain the long-term effects of psychiatric medications.

At my peak, I took an antidepressant, an antipsychotic, a mood stabilizer, anti-anxiety medications, and medication for sleep. That is a lot of psychiatric medication to deal with daily. It makes one think, what are the long-term effects of taking the same cocktail?

It is something that has been at the forefront of my mind of late when it comes to one medication in particular–my anti-anxiety med Ativan. I have been taking this medication since day one of my diagnosis. It is part of my daily routine, but over the last year, my doctors increased my dosage from 3mg a day to 4mg. At the time it really helped (the end of last year my social anxiety was out of control, and it was warranted.) But, I became so reliant on it especially recently, to a point where I almost felt like an addict. (Yes I know about benzos and their addictiveness, but that is for another blog post.) There was a time just four years ago when I needed maybe 1mg a day and in some days there was no need for it, I beleive that one day I can reach that level again.

For me, the long-term effect of Ativan has been more harmful than helpful. (In a side note over the last two weeks I have cut down to 3mg a day, and I am hoping to decrease it to 2mg by the end of the day.)

It comes down to if things are working well enough in your life. Medication is very tricky because without the right medications I would not be on the path to better mental health. I have met people who have gone off medications completely and are living good lives (it is true that they found some solace in alternatives like marijuana) so there is hope in all this. At the end of the day, we are all at different levels with our mental illness.

Over the next year my goal is to cutdown on all medicaiton with hope that eventually I can survive without the need to always rely on something to make life easier. It will be far from an easy journey, but I know that within this blog, and the community, I can find my way.

Stay strong my friends and family.

Always Keep Fighting

James

Photo Credit:

Marc Schäfer

pina messina

Jacalyn Beales