Mental illness sucks. That’s the summation of my thoughts, usually after a depressive spiral. It’s what I think when a good friend loses a job because of a schizophrenic episode. It’s my answer when another friend hits the low part of his bipolar cycle. It’s the phrase I mutter in response to people’s suicidal thoughts,… Continue reading Need Help? Go On and Ask for It
I can go into public places without fearing something will happen to my children or me. This is tremendous progress. Yesterday I went into a clothing store alone. I thought about leaving when the checkout line was long, but I was determined to stay and see the process through. Lines make me feel trapped, though… Continue reading I’m Okay. Why Do I Still Seek Therapy?
I wrote a blog post a few months ago detailing my experience with modern day mental health hospitalization. You can read it here. It was a nightmare experience that exposed the glaring holes in America’s mental health care. Since then, I’ve enrolled in an intensive therapy program. They call it a Partial Hospitalization Program, but… Continue reading Partial Hospitalization Program and IOP
Sometimes I wonder what world optimists live in. It can’t possibly be the same as mine, because mine is one of twisting mists, overcast skies, and lurking shadows. Besides the possibility of parallel universes, this phenomenon is likely a matter of perspective. What is perspective? Duh; it’s how you see everything. And, I mean everything. In… Continue reading Speak Up! And Your Voice Will Help You
Before getting diagnosed, the excuse to my groundless fears would always refer to laziness or irresponsibility by those who had never suffered from anything similar. All labels were unrelated to an actual problem. And they all were my fault, apparently.
There are times I find that it’s hard for me to accept how things have turned out in life, being 27 and unable to work due to chronic illnesses such as scoliosis and rheumatoid arthritis, to keep it short, has had a huge impact on who I am as a person. This definitely isn’t the… Continue reading Retrospective
The last two years have been hard as social anxiety has taken focus in my life. I have lost so much of myself. Who I was, and what in my mind was always the things that make me– well James. Today I want to try and list just a few things that have changed over… Continue reading What I Have Given up to Social Anxiety
It has been a little shy of two weeks since beginning my mood stabilizer. To add this and wean off of Buspirone has been nothing short of the rollercoaster I imagined and then some. Between feelings of anger for things out of my control, to becoming used to feeling a drive to get up through… Continue reading Stabilizing
Anxiety creeps in and doesn’t whisper sweet nothings into my ear. It screams at me, “You are weak! No way in hell can you do this! Quit! Go hide!” I shake my head, trying to relieve my brain from this damaging downward spiral. It’s no use, it won’t stop. While I have made a lot… Continue reading Asking: Is Medication the Answer?
I sat in the waiting room clutching papers in my hand. For two weeks I had prepared to tell my doctor that I finally began seeing a therapist and that the diagnosis from her standpoint was leaning towards bipolar disorder. Awkwardly I gathered my things together once my name was called and followed the nurse… Continue reading Stabilize