A circle of blurred faces surrounded me, all talking at once. The level of chaos outpaced my own mind and I struggled to keep track of what was going on. Drugged and intoxicated beyond capable cognition, the world began to slip away once again. In the mess of voices, the realization of my fragile state… Continue reading My Journey to Stability, Pt. 3
Vlogcast seven, for the longest time and I feel it’s evident in my vlogcasts previous to this: vlog cast 1 through Vlogcast 6, I have a very heavy tone, I have, I’m very monotone and just recollecting those events I can safely recollect those events because I am actively working through all of that and… Continue reading My Emotional inbox is full and cannot take anymore messages. Try again later. Goodbye.
This is Vlogcast six. One of the major things I wanted to share revolves around what most artists, performers, people that are book authors, they share their personal experience and some of those completely shifted the way that they showed up in their life. And I know I mentioned in a former vlogcast that life… Continue reading REcounting herstory feels a lot like staring at the sunlight filtering through the treetops..nonsensical but making all the sense in the world.
March was supposed to be great, but as we all know, life changed. We had social distance ourselves more and more. Now it is getting even more restrictive to leave your house as things are not going so well out there in the world. My anxiety, already on its edge, has shot up over the last week.
My official diagnosis when it comes to anxiety is social anxiety and panic disorder. Right now, I am dealing with anxiety in several ways. I take a benzo, clonazepam, and I do other things that help me cope with my anxiety like breathing techniques, meditation, and writing. My ultimate de-stressor. I have not had a large number of panic attacks per week when things are good, but lately, I have dealt with them more.
I feel it settling into my stomach. It’s a very familiar churning. I’ve not had breakfast yet, so it could be that. But I also feel the little beginning of a pounding in my chest – the beginning of what might be a panic attack, if I still had those (I don’t, thanks to an… Continue reading Uh Oh, Fear
This August was a happening month for me. I got everything that I had my hands on, was at the peak of happiness and wellness. Probably I have never been so productive in years as I have been this August – slept well, ate well, started gym, wrote poetry and blogs, attended workshops, sang songs… Continue reading The stars aren’t aligned…
Please don’t tell me that a smile and your sorrow just don’t go together. I would not look upon my anger as something foreign to me that I have to fight. I have to deal with my anger with care, with love, with tenderness, and with non-violence. When I get angry, I have to produce… Continue reading What Anger Is To Me
My last post and this one are going to be a little contradictory because circumstances have changed. I previously said that I am mentally ready to take a break from therapy, that I am in a good place to be independent. Now I can’t wait to see my therapist on Monday morning because my anxiety… Continue reading Change Gives Me Anxiety
Sometimes I’ve thought about how others would react if I passed away. Everyone’s had that thought I’m sure. Wondering who would cry or who would attend the funeral. It’s hard not to imagine the church setting empty during your funeral. It was a long time before I felt people in my life would get upset… Continue reading I Don’t Want to Die But I Hate Living