Safe Space

She often contemplates

Of a distant life

One without strife

Curious of where she hide

When all is chaotic inside

She fears her safe space mimicks pandora’s box

It lies hidden beneath her surface

Unlike a treasure chest

Not meant to be discovered

For this space holds secrets

Most of which permeate

And she, unaware

Emerging,

Protected,

without a care

Not daring to question

who’s secrets live there

She abandons that space

A place

Within her, she fears

One of mystery

of forgotten years

She gazes beyond it’s contents

With aspirations of inner peace

Never to unleash

The savage beast

It’s Time I Fly

Persistent I focus on growth,

you cannot help but complain.

Much of my life, it’s been the same.

Never enough

Or the wrong time,

Too much,

too soon.

You find the most inopportune moments as if you are searching for a clue.

Mysteriously problems arise,

My fault, in your eyes.

Chastise me as your child,

In which I am.

Except I am grown.

Stifling my creativity

learning

it’s my time to go.

No pointing fingers but is it because of you my inner child refuses to grow?

Pushing her down to size with every no.

There’s this fire pleading from inside.

Tired of being shoved,

made to hide.

Grappling with confusion

your love is no illusion,

yet toxic,

chaining me to who I long to un-become.

It isn’t my will to be done.

Stepping out of my own way,

I am being shown the sun.

All the possibilities frighten any notion of me not by your side.

I deserve a sense of pride.

It’s time you let me off this ride.

Mom,

please set me free so I can learn to be me.

You accomplished fixing me the most you could.

But the time has come,

As I knew it would.

And now I go

with one foot in front of the other,

discovering myself

on this long, desolate road.

You did your best and it has come time

I do the rest.

Guided by your wisdom,

I must leave the nest.

2019 and Me

2019

I try not to put much emphasis on the new year but this year seem a bit different. Setting resolutions is not my style but I have set three goals for myself as well as a word. All of it surrounds the discovery of self. I stumbled into my forties in December of 2018 and am surprised I made it this far. Life as a bipolar alcoholic hasn’t been without struggle and pain.


If 2018 taught me anything it was that I have not a clue who I am. Where I start and my illnesses end. Simple things such as what I love, my style, my individual identity, my voice have been masked by pain and were once drowned by alcohol. As I peep forward into 2019 I foresee pain yet with life-changing results. I will follow the intuition that I have ran from my entire life. Stepping out of myself to volunteer my time to the less fortunate will play a huge role in my new year.

Something I have always craved is understanding. How can I convey my truth and my story without knowing who I am? That has become my mission; find me. Forgiving myself and others will help boost my confidence and allow me to shake that heavy energy. I have felt a continual pull towards giving of myself to others and 2019 is the year this will happen. My plan is to give of myself in hopes of finding myself. If nothing I will have contributed to my community.

revengeofeve.com/

The opportunity of working with local sex workers has opened up for me and I am excited to give it a go. While I have never been a sex worker myself I share similar qualities to those in this area of work. Yes will be my go-to for helping others in need but no for those close to me. Sounds a bit backward but I find that those close to me aren’t in need, they are in want. Hell, I want it all but the reality is I can’t have it and so I say no to them. It will be a big change and difficult I am sure but all will be fine.

I set no expectations on 2019. I will follow lead. My heart’s lead. I want to learn to love and not feel ashamed that I do. I want to embrace what my soul desires. And I will. No matter how awkward it is. I will follow. I am going to paint, write, and believe in myself. And if I fall, I will rise stronger than before!! If I can do it, anyone can.


Six years ago I was drunk sleeping in my truck in an unfamiliar Wal-Mart parking lot. I was kicked out of three sober living homes and considered myself worthless. Well, in my pit of despair and at the bottom of a gallon of vodka I decided I was worth something. Now it is four years later and I am three years and nine months sober seeking that something. One lesson I have learned is that life requires time. Time to prepare, time to believe, time to heal and time to forgive. My journey will not be in vain. I will be patient with myself this coming year and I will have more compassion for others.

revenge of eve
revengeofeve.com

If you are interested in following my journey, please do! I have completely revamped my site. I deleted all of my old content, bought my domain, upgraded my plan and look forward to recording my journey at revengeofeve.com.


With confidence I created my own niche and will blog about a variety of topics but of course mental health plays a huge role in my life and serves as the basis of all I do. Embracing my truth and learning to live will be my legacy. Do you know yours?