The past week

The other day I found out that my counselor had to quit her job and her last day is the 20th. she had decided to move on from her job as community mental health professional. I thought that she would at least be my counselor till I was finished with treatment. Although she is changing jobs I’m very upset with her. I have borderline personality disorder (bpd) and i struggle with people just up and leaving me. I’ve had this problem since I was younger. I’ve lost many counselors to changing jobs or insurance not paying for my treatment. I hate losing counselors. I get to become friends with my counselor until the end of my treatment. 

I get connected to my counselors in a professional sense. I can’t become friends with them outside of the sessions we have. I just feel left alone with her leaving me in the hands of another counselor that i haven’t even met. I’m scared that I’m going to clash with my new counselor. I don’t want my case to be left in the hands of someone else. I’m scared that they’ll screw me up worse than I already am. 

On top of all of this I found out last week that my boss was leaving the store I work at to another store in the company. I’m scared and nervous about this too. I’m mostly worried that I’m not going to get along with the new boss. I’m afraid that I’m going to quit or get fired, because I’m screwing something up or because I don’t work well with the new store manager of my store. I don’t want to lose this job. I don’t want to lose my counselor. I don’t want to lose anything.

I feel like they’ve decided to take other jobs to themselves. I don’t mind people wanting to better themselves, but I have BPD and struggle with people leaving me. I don’t want to lose anything or anyone. I especially don’t want to lose any of the professionals in my life. Losing anyone on my team would be devastating to me and I’m losing two people from my team. I’m scared the new people on my team will be snobs or not caring. I’m used to people not caring that are outside of my team. So someone new coming on to my team without the old people telling them what is going on with me is a little scary for me.