Where is my Christmas Spirit?

Christmas is my favorite holiday, it always has been. I look forward to the holiday season all year long. It’s always the highlight of my year. But now, I can’t seem to get into the Christmas mood. I’m doing all of the things I normally do to enjoy the holiday season except they aren’t making me as happy as they used to.

I don’t know if it’s age, where I’m at in my life or because it’s 2020 but I have been trying hard to get into the Christmas mood but can’t. I thought maybe snow would help. It snowed 2 feet (which isn’t common where I live) and it didn’t make me feel much better. I thought maybe giving gifts and baking cookies would help. It only made a little bit of a difference.

It makes me depressed that my favorite time of the year is so lack luster. I want this time of the year to be the best part of the entire thing! I am longing to feel the happiness that Christmas has brought me in the past.

Sadly this year I will be spending most of Christmas alone. My boyfriend is working and my brother is quarantining after a business trip so we have to hold off on our family get togethers. I will be spending a few hours with my mom so I guess I won’t totally be alone but it won’t be like past Christmases. I will wake up alone, eat alone and give my pets their presents alone.

This potentially shit Christmas is effecting my mood. I’ve been extra tired and cranky as well as binge eating like nobody’s business. I want to be happy during my favorite time of the year. Why can’t I be? My God I sound like Charlie Brown.

I guess there is no guaranteed happiness at any point in time even during Christmas. You can’t just turn depression on and off even though I’m sure so many of us would love to.

I want to be happy, cheery and all of the great emotions that come with Christmas. I’m just not there this year. Sure, it’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way, it’s just that I don’t want to. I can’t force happiness upon myself but I can try to do things that make me not feel like shit. So somewhere in the middle. Maybe?

I don’t know, I just want to be happy. You know?

How are you feeling about this time of year? Is it normally a sad time or a happy time for you? Leave a comment and tell me!

When Family Makes You Feel Alone During the Holidays

I know I’m not alone when I say I don’t like the holidays. Everyone has their reasons. Family gatherings always reminded me of or created more bad memories. I moved away from home to get away from family. It never felt like family. Living on my own, and no family, watching everyone else enjoying the holidays with their loved ones; this only reminded me of what I didn’t have. For a few years, I didn’t have friends around the holidays. If I could, I worked on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Working was better than feeling lonely at home.

As I got older, I developed a kind of family with some friends and coworkers, but this took a long time to build. I had a place to eat on Thanksgiving. I had someone to exchange gifts with on Christmas. After a while, I realized this new family was only a step up from my biological family. It’s difficult feeling alone when you’re surrounded by people; people who are supposed to be there for you but never notice you because they’re trapped within their own mind and problems. Sometimes you can’t find people you click with. People vibrate at different frequencies.

Moving on, getting older, once again I thought I had found a family. The harsh reality that I’ll never be a part of the family as I would like to be is just as painful as feeling like nothing around my other family. I know I have people who care for me. I know they would be there if everything was falling apart. But people who care for you can still make you feel alone or not important without meaning to. There’s no malicious intent. They’re going through problems too. Other’s feelings are forgotten when you’re caught up in your own.

If I can, I still work on Christmas. There are too many unhappy memories around that holiday. At the moment, I’m trying to decipher how much fault is mine in dealing with anyone else. Do they inadvertently make me feel unimportant because I make them feel that way? I’ve started looking back at myself every time I feel wronged. I have to be careful otherwise I’ll fall into the habit of assuming I deserve poor treatment. When do I start assuming I deserve happy memories during the holidays? When do I feel like people want me around for the holidays? This year wasn’t bad. Each year gets a little better. 

Christmas blues and 15 fun ideas.

Hello and welcome back!! My last blog here was stress detox. And if you miss me here in the meantime. I have 3 blogs each week on my personal blog.  In this blog is about the Christmas blues. And 20 fun ways to get excited for Christmas. Because during Christmas everyone deserves to be happy.


Christmas Dip!

Christmas is a super exciting time and super busy.  On the other side, it is a season that totally shakes the normal daily rhythm. And it is also a super stressful time, at least in my opinion. For me personally, I’m glad when its over. This season my stress and anxiety levels are higher than normal. So I know that this crazy time also can trigger a more/intense mental health breakdown and just heightens any mental illness.
So what I like to do is to distract my mind from feeling down. During the Christmas season, there are also many people who feel down and lonely. I love during charity work during this time of a year.

15 Christmas tips

Now the more fun part. 20 things to do during the Christmas season, to add some more fun. Some of those things I have done myself.

  • Bake some cookies: Personally I have been baking special gingerbread cookies in christmas inspired chapes (christmas tree, star and more). And I baked more than 50 cookies, more about why that later. *wink*
  • spend time outside: Outside of the fact that even a small stroll is good for any mental illness. During this season if you are lucky there might be snow, so make some snowmen, snow angels, sliding down a hill.
  • Donate the toys you don’t need/want. There might be someone in need who doesn’t have the luxury to buy/get a present and it is a good excuse to clean the house and give to others.
  • volunteer: the cookies I baked was for a charity project. I had some of the cookies decorated by some young kids I know and gave the cookies to those who needed a little positive beam.
  • Listen to some Christmas songs and dance the night away,
  • Hold a Christmas treasure hunt (for family and friends): Instead of having the presents by a tree or stocking. You could hide it all over the place in the house and maybe have some clues in where to find the presents.
  • See a Christmas play.
  • Play a board game: You can do this at home. But Christmas is about giving, why not do it with some elderly people. You can do this in an elderly home or just with someone in your own street.
  • Thank you: Say thank you more often to those around you. Thank those that are close to you, your friends, family, loved ones.
  • Watch an old (home) video: tressure the moments of the past with those close to you.
  • Hot cholate milk bar: This is just something fun for friends and family.
  • Donate food: Here in the netherlands, we have something called foodbank for those in need. During the Christmas time, it is a good time to donate something extra to those who need it and might not have enough to celebrate Christmas. Here at home, we gave something extra for the food bank, so that they could also celebrate Christmas a little or at least feel the Christmas spirit.
  • Hold a Christmas cookie competition: Just something fun to trow. Ask everyone to make some cookies and have everyone vote on their favorite. And the one with the most point wins the one after second place.
  • Build a Christmas tree from plastic cups: I saw this idea on the internet to do with kids. And I must say it sounds like a fun idea.
  • Hold a wrapping gift party: Just have a good moment with friends/family while packing the Christmas presents. You might even learn some new wrapping stricks.

I think this blog is done XD. I don’t know any more ideas with creative things to do. So what do you think of my tips/ideas? Are you doing something similar?? Personally, I think Christmas is all about charity and giving. So that is what I personally love to do (all year round).

I want to wish you a happy and healthy Christmas and probably talk to you next year. So also a happy new year.