S1 EP 14 The Bipolar Writer Podcast – Isami Interview

My Interview with Isami

Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

I am honored to share the story of fellow mental health advocate, Isami. I have known Isami, followed her work, and worked with her before. It is incredible to see how she has grown within her mental illness journey since I met her in 2017. I wrote a feature article about Isami in 2018 for The Bipolar Writer Blog. Now, it is my great honor to give a voice to her story on my podcast and catch up with how she is doing today. I have seen amazing things that Isami has done with her mental health advocacy work, and I know you will enjoy this interview.

Listen to Isami’s episode here.

How can you become a interviewee, just email me @ thebipolarwriterpodcast@gmail.com.

I will record the interviews on Zoom, and use Anchor.fm to put the podcast on different platforms like Spotify and Apple Podcast or anywhere you listen. The only thing that will go live will be the audio file, and while I save my interviews, it will be on my cloud. The podcast is all about exploring the stories of depression, self-harm, anxiety, suicide, mental health issues today, mental illness stories, and everything in between. I would love for you to be one of the people that began on the ground floor of The Bipolar Writer Podcast. Thank you for your time, and you can use the contact page.


It is my hope for The Bipolar Writer Podcast to become fully listener-supported. You can become a supporter of the podcast here You can also support the podcast by clicking the button below, where you can buy me a coffee.

So how can you support The Bipolar Writer Podcast and James Edgar Skye? Well, there are several ways.

  • There is becoming a listener supporter through the anchor.fm where I do my podcast episodes. That link is here. It is simple to support Apple Pay or a credit card for once month, and you can end your support whenever it feel right to you. There are options for $0.99, $4.99, and $9.99, and all options will go 100% to the podcast. No need to create an account. 
  • Last is Buy Me A Coffee, a great platform in my mind and where I want to grow most of my lister support for the Podcast, blog, and in some ways, my writing. You can be a monthly subscriber or a one-time supporter. There are options for extras that include one on one mental health advocacy Zoom call, where you can ask mental health questions about blogging, tiers with my books, and other unique extras. The options for payments are credit card or PayPal. Soon, my support website Buy Me a Coffee will be t-shirts, mugs, and stickers available as soon as I get all that together with more support. You can click the button below.

The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Norm The Bipolar Writer Podcast

About The Episode Listen to my interview with Norm, his mental illness story, and learn about the differences in Canadian Mental Health system differences and similarities to the American one. Another great interview for The Bipolar Writer Podcast. About James Edgar Skye If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye Also support a life coach that has influenced me along my journey of self-reflection: https://www.groundsforclarity.com The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/support
  1. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Norm
  2. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Kathleen
  3. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Caroline
  4. Interview with Kathleen (Living Works)
  5. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Crystal

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

Purchase my Memoir and Novella here: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Photo by Jonathan Farber on Unsplash

Family Estrangement After Childhood Trauma

My friends from large families never understood why I don’t enjoy family gatherings. I don’t like crowds, even if I know everyone. I don’t see my family often enough to know any of them. This is my extended family, but what about the family I grew up with? I have my parents and two older sisters. I have not spent time with these four people together in over 15 years. That’s the last time I can remember the five of us together. Growing up with childhood trauma can cause one to isolate themselves. My family broke apart and never came back together.

My parents separated when I was starting my teenage years. My sisters and I were happy to see them get away from each other. I never realized at the time how abusive my father was. My oldest sister moved out and moved back in with my mother a couple times. She made her way into the world after some time. My second oldest sister, the middle child, she enlisted in the Army. A good way to get far away from home. I was alone for a couple years before going to college in another city.

I later moved to another state to finish my education and never went back home. I visited a few times, but never moved back. I never wanted to. After a while, I stopped visiting too. I rarely speak to anyone in my family; extended or other. I don’t know any of them well and have no interest in getting to know them. My life has improved without them. Still, my friends don’t understand my aversion towards families and gatherings. Growing up, these were times for arguments and sometimes violence. I have only negative associations with holidays.

I attempted to mend fences with my sisters and parents at different times. There’s some progress but the five of us will never be in the same room together. I’m the only one who hasn’t married and doesn’t have children. I almost don’t want to have a wedding, so I don’t have to invite anyone in my family. My broken family makes me feel I can’t have a family. This isn’t true but I can’t break the feeling sometimes. I struggle with interpersonal relationships. Distrust and pain filled my first experiences connecting with other people. This is something I’m still working on. I want to prove to myself that I can have a family.

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I Read/Write/Watch Horror to Cope with My Mental Illness

I always enjoyed horror though I never considered myself a fan of horror. I remember watching Tim Curry portray Pennywise the Clown in “IT” (1990) when I was three or four. I pretended to sleep while my parents (and I) watched the film “Dr. Giggles” (1992) about an escaped mental patient who kills with a surgical theme when I was six. I saw the film “Return to Cabin by the Lake” (2001) about a murderous screenwriter as a teenager. These films standout because they reminded me of suppressed trauma. Repressed memories that only recently returned.

I recall watching many films and having no emotional response. Scenes that made most tear up left me feeling numb or indifferent. I felt out of place and segregated from everyone else who had ‘feelings.’ Even horror films didn’t scare me or make me jump. I felt I knew the scares were coming. In high school and the first few years of college, I was described as ‘creepy’ by many of my peers. I could easily sneak up and scare others. I’d walk behind them for several minutes before they noticed me. One friend remarked after going through a haunted house it didn’t scare them because they had known me for so long.

I didn’t become an avid reader until my late 20s, but I’ve always had interest in writing. In the first grade, I wrote a detective story. It had all the tropes of film noir though I didn’t know what those were at the time. Film noir has similar elements to horror with suspense building and dealing with killers without the fantasy elements. I always enjoyed reading the works of Edgar Allan Poe and he is considered the creator of the detective story.

Many of the stories I have written or plan to write deal with death in one way or another. Some may not be called horror stories but still have death somewhere. I have written a few detective stories as well and they’re much better than that first one in the first grade. Serial killers, murderers, monsters, and people who’ve lost their minds take center stage in many of my stories. These are the topics in which I am most interested. Why do I have this fascination with killers, monsters, and madmen? Why would anyone want to think about these horrors?

I believe this is my way of coping with my own trauma. Upon writing this, I am 32. My trauma began when I was four. It had such an impact on me, I had to begin anger management counseling when I was six. We were cleaning up one day in class to go to recess. I was putting away a puzzle or something and this other boy tried to help. I told him I got it. He helped anyway. I got angry and hit him with a chair. I reacted with violence because I was exposed to violence at home. I thought that was the best response.

As I’ve aged, repressed memories resurfaced, and I’ve started to feel. I tear up during emotional scenes in romantic comedies or dramas. I can feel my heart racing during chase scenes in horror or action films. Horror films and horror fiction remind me of the violence and terror I experienced as a child without causing a panic attack. Writing horror fiction, I believe, is my way of dealing with the trauma and getting all the pain out. My mind has tried to pull my repressed memories forward through horror fiction. I think this is why horror is becoming even more popular as so many traumas continue in our chaotic world.

I am not the only person to experience this and this is not exclusive to PTSD. People with different anxiety disorders have a similar affinity toward horror fiction. Here are a few other articles I’ve found on the subject.

How do you feel about horror when it comes to your mental health? Is it helpful as it is for me or do you struggle with watching or reading horror?

Photo Credit: James & Carol Lee

Empty Your Pockets

This is a free verse poem I wrote because I have been struggling with my PTSD lately.

This poem is for anyone that has ever been hurt before. I hope you enjoy it.

Don’t forget to empty your pockets and always remember…


Empty Your Pockets

They knock on my door, but I don’t let them in.

They send me texts, but I don’t respond.

They call, but I don’t answer.

They leave voicemails. I listen, but never return the call.

They knock on my door, but I can’t let them in.

They try, but I refuse.

The fear freezes me.

Traps me.

Holds me in a bondage I can’t escape.

I can’t visit it now.

I can’t return.

Those are the memories you created.

You hurt me then, and you hurt me now.

I forgot then, but I can’t forget now.

Not right now.

It has resurfaced.

I am not sure when I will let you back in.

For now I stay away. Out of sight. Out of mind. Out of ear shot. Out.

I am frozen in the bondage that you created years ago.

You didn’t care then and I can’t care now. Not right now.

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. I don’t know.

When it feels right, I will resurface. I will come back.

I will let you back into my life a little at a time.

Handle with caution. Handle with care.

I am fragile when wounded and I feel wounded right now.

Just because. Maybe because I am healing more. Always healing.

When wounded and injured, always healing and recovering.

I will be okay and I will come back one day.

I am not sure when, but one day.

When it is safe. When my heart tells me so.

I can’t be there for you right now.

You weren’t there for me when I needed you most.

You couldn’t be there for me the way I needed you to be.

You didn’t know how.

So, you put me it in your back pocket.

The place where you put everything you can’t deal with.

Don’t think about it. Don’t talk about it. It will go away.

But, it never really goes away.

It remains in your back pocket and becomes buried with the lint.

That was where you put me.

You must have a lot of stuff in your back pockets.

Doesn’t it make it difficult to walk around and live life when your pockets are full?

You need to clean out your pockets and take care of the junk that is in your pockets.

The place where you put things you don’t want to deal with or feel or know even exist.

The place you put things to deal with later.

Unfortunately, later sometimes never came.

Later became too late.

Like me.

You forgot you put me in your back pocket.

The stuff you can’t deal with.

The stuff you will deal with later, maybe.

I am the later maybe you forgot or didn’t have time for.

You forgot me too many times.

It is my time now.

I think I finally found a back pocket.

I will put you in my back pocket until later.

Just for now.

I will come back though.

I will never leave you in my back pocket.

Please clean out your pockets. You might be surprised what’s in your back pocket.

Maybe it is what you have been looking for, but forgot where you put it.

Maybe it is what you have always been missing.

Maybe it is what you always needed.

Maybe it is me.

~written by Susan Walz

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