Don’t Wait. Live Now.

kal-loftus-763692-unsplash

There is no question that life can throw some serious unexpected curve balls, sometimes at your face, that make you truly think about everything that deeply matters to you. Its times like these that have the potential to shatter your plan and make you take a good hard look at your life in a way you never imagined you would have to.

You know the moments, the ones that scare you, humble you and have you bracing for the next pitch. They take your breath away and have your mind racing at a speed that makes your head spin.

Ironically, its in these moments when we feel it’s time to profess our feelings, plan that trip, chase our dream or take that leap of faith we’ve been mulling over for longer than we can remember.

I’ve sat in those moments, one just recently, and I’ve had those thoughts and contemplated my life and all that it has been and all that it could be. My biggest take away from it, was why do we wait until these moments to choose to be the person we long to be?

We can overthink, overanalyze, over dramatize and pretend like we have forever and a day to do or say what’s in our heart, but the truth is, we have these moments, right now, Why wait?

Don’t wait to tell those you love what they mean to you, don’t wait to take that trip with your kids, or follow that dream you’ve carried with you since the first grade. Don’t wait to hit the road for your next adventure, or write that book or screenplay, or go back to school, open a business or learn to sail.

Don’t wait, do it now. We are not promised tomorrow and there is no room for regret. Say I love you, plan the vacation, step out of your bubble, and make that dream a reality. Now.

You have the choice to live this life while you live this life. Don’t wait for the curve ball, live it now and laugh til your stomach hurts, dance til the music stops, sing so the world can hear you and live every second you have – because you can.

Don’t wait to love the beautiful, exciting, incredible life you are meant to live. Live now, live every moment you have, and live it with love in your heart, grace in your step and fire in your soul.

Much Love,

Lisa J.

It’s Your Path in Your Time-Don’t Compare it to Others

mohamed-nohassi-229698-unsplash

In a recent conversation with a friend, the subject of how easy it is to compare ourselves to others came up. We talked about how when we look at something that someone else has accomplished, especially if we have a similar dream, it feels natural to wonder how they climbed the mountain of success, how we can do it like them or even why we haven’t.

This is a vice for many, and a dark tunnel I entered many times through my journey, sometimes so focused on someone else’s happy ending, I lost sight of my own. While every now and then I find myself staring into the dark once again, I now close my eyes and realize what I learned from my past lessons.

That there is much more to someone’s back story then we will ever know, and each of us not only has a unique script, but a time for it to be told. 🧡

While we may all picture similar paths for ourselves, not one us accomplishes this life the same, not one of us is passionate for the same reason or dreams the same way. Each of us are unique, because each of us bring something spectacular to the table in our own perfect time.

Don’t compare yourself to those around you, believe in the uniqueness of your story, shine the light only you possess and walk the path only you were meant to, because the mountain may be steep, but it’s yours and yours alone, and it will be worth the climb. 🦋🧡

Much love,

Lisa J.

A New Idea – The Bipolar Writer Blog

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to connect with more authors from the blogging world and also social media. I have been turning an idea over in my head over the last couple of weeks–a place where authors can sell their books through my platform. I am not sure how it could or would work.

I can also offer services like book reviews on Amazon and other retailers. This could be a place where people share their books related to mental illness or any authors. Why not? I think this idea could be the big thing for the Bipolar Writer blog 2019. I could really make use of the growing blog presence on my blog.

I am always looking for ways to expand my blog, and I have a local artist that I have worked for that wants me to grow my blog. I will think about it and find out what it would take. What are your thoughts?

Always Keep Fighting

James

unsplash-logoThought Catalog

unsplash-logorawpixel

Idle Hands, Busy Work and Fighting Off Depression

As a writer, the most important thing I can do every day is, well, write. After all, they say a writer is someone who wrote today, and by that measure I’m more of an ass-sitter than a writer.

Most days.

It isn’t to say I don’t write; even if it takes months – or in the case of 22 Scars, years – I will eventually get things out. But on a day-to-day basis, I more often sleep and procrastinate. I’ll often lie in bed, daydreaming about where I want my writing to go, or thinking of what to write for the evening’s blog, but in the end nothing gets done.

Depression’s a bitch.

The thing is, the less I do, the more I feel depressed, and the more I feel depressed, the less I do. It’s a cycle I’m sure many of you are familiar with. And that cycle, for me, breaks when my bipolar upswing takes effect, and I write feverishly for perhaps a week or two, before sliding back into a period of low mood that might last for another four months.

I wrote 22 Scars – as in, time spent daily writing words for the story – in about two months. Yet I spent the previous twelve years pretending I was going to write it. A bit of planning here, half a chapter there … but nothing ever really happened.

And herein lies the biggest problem. If I aim to use writing as a method of working through depression – after all, the whole point of 22 Scars was to be an ode to my teenage despair – then I need to actually write, because otherwise I know I’ll just fall into despair.

It takes a great deal of personal and emotional effort to make yourself do anything – never mind something creative, like writing – when you don’t feel like doing anything at all. When you hate yourself, and hate your work, and want to just lie in bed all day. I love sleep, because it’s an escape from the drear of the everyday.

And most days, the energy to break through that wall just isn’t there. I just can’t see past the dark veil that clouds my mind, my judgement, and my desires.

Around this time every year I make plans and commitments to better myself, to keep writing more and more frequently, and to actually make something of myself. And in around a month or so, I’ll give up on those plans, because fuck that shit.

But I can’t say it’s all for nought; two years ago I decided I would finally sit down and make my young adult novel come to life, and lo and behold – I did it. It took a few months of very, very hard work – during which time I nearly imploded with the weight of the depression that the story brought out of me – but I made it happen. I published it in late 2017.

Last year, I made the same commitment for my fantasy work, and got my third novel out there a few months ago.

So what does 2019 hold?

I have plans for a new novel, one that takes on mental illness again, but in a slightly different tone. It focuses on several characters, and their journey through a life of music, misery and angst. I really, really want to make it happen this year – as in, write it in the early months, publish it in the later months.

But it’ll take more than just a commitment to writing the novel. If I want to keep myself well, if I want to vainly prevent the dark slide into the abyss, I’ll need to write here, too.

Because writing, ultimately, is about communicating. And whilst writing a novel is one way of doing so, it’s a lonely, solitary process. And if I can reach out to a community of people who believe in and support what I do on a regular basis, it might just provide me with the motivation I would otherwise be missing.

So here’s to 2019, and here’s to all of you – because without you, I would be nothing.

Talking Myself Out of the Dark

This time of the year is a struggle for me to continue to write, and while this post is not the norm for me it is real and honest. Unlike in my past, I refuse to quit writing even in these moments. Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are, never give up on your dreams and never be silenced.

tunnel of light
Photo by Pixabay

I stood outside tonight in the cold and looked up at the dark sky, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I needed it, the crisp air was cleansing and a reminder that I was alive inside, even though there are some days it feels questionable. Like many of those who suffer from anxiety and depression, the winter months are toughest for me. Once the sun starts to rise late and set early the unrelenting grip of that dark place takes hold of me and at times feels like it will never let go.

When this happens the many things I love about life fade into the background as I don’t allow myself to experience them while I sit in my cloud not able to even get off the couch. The TV becomes my best friend and I pick fights with my loved ones because it just feels good to be angry. I hate this part of me, I loathe the idea that I can get to this place even as I practice positivity, gratitude, meditation, prayer, kindness, love, forgiveness and all the self-care tips in all the self-help books. It’s frustrating and sad and just makes me more depressed thinking about it. What I’ve come to understand over the years is that anxiety and depression are deceitful and tricky and oh so very real. Even at your highest and most balanced, even when you feel on top of the world, they are lying in wait for you to drop your guard and the moment you do, out of what feels like nowhere, the dark, cold current rushes over you.

My mind swirls attempting to make sense of it, and for a very long time I didn’t like to talk about it. If I did, I would be admitting that I can go down this road, and that the energetic, excitable, talk-too-much personality that I adore can be masked by the grim sadness I try to ignore. It felt hypocritical, scary and embarrassing. It was like my dirty little secret and the moment I admitted this happens to me would be the moment I am outed as a fraud or a liar, a fake happy person.

However, I have learned that when I acknowledge I’m in this state, while the energy to even care may not be there quite yet, the sooner I begin to see the light. In the past, I would lay stale in this mindset for weeks, I would wallow in the darkness hating it and loving it at the same time, but lately, I am learning through this beautiful writing/blogging community and through the self-care practices that I have established in my every day life, that the more I am truly honest with how I am feeling the easier it is to get back to being the best version of me.

The whole truth was a difficult road to journey down, as it meant I had to acknowledge that with light there comes dark, even inside of me. We are not perfect, we are not meant to be, and the sooner we stop shaming those who suffer, accept the imperfection in each other and start supporting and celebrating every part of us, the more peace we will have. In the meantime, I will continue both my internal and external conversations of the whole truth about what makes me me, and continue to talk myself out of the dark.

Wishing you all love and light.

Much Love,

Lisa J.