Funny thing I notice about Fear. He’s big and bad and burly while he’s at home lurking in my what-ifs and what-mights. He pokes at my stomach until I’m nauseous. He pounds on my chest until I can’t breathe. He shakes me and rattles me until I’m dizzy. He yells at me until I’ve relived… Continue reading Fear is a Coward
I have been working on getting back to this point. I am announcing that once again, The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir is finally available to buy once again on Amazon!
Maybe I should be grateful you’ve disappeared from my life. Though it’s hard to think that way, you’ve been a friend since we were pre-teens. Our lives both treacherous, though yours more so. A horrible mother who abused you, a stepfather who cried when he saw you because you reminded him of his dead daughter,… Continue reading Six Months of Silence from You
So, as you can probably tell, this is not going to be like my usual posts. My brain has returned to its normal, insanely fast pace. I of course didn’t really do anything positive to help myself. I watched some of the saddest music videos I could find. Of course, you know that I believe… Continue reading Off My Chest
There are times when writing interview features for The Bipolar Writer blog that it gets personal to me because I can directly relate to the subject of the article. When that happens, I feel as if I must tell the story right. Today I share the story of Joy Daehn, originally from Sagamihara, Japan— and… Continue reading Joy Daehn Interview Feature
One change over the last year of my mental illness life is antidepressants. I used to change them at least once a year, and a couple of times it was twice in one year. I have been at this game with mental illness medication for over eleven years and you have to make adjustments. I had to learn first to deal with my depression with antidepressants, and over the years my depression cycles went from months or years to just days or weeks.
Here is a typical day on Ativan. I take 1mg in the morning. By noon-1pm I am already having major anxiety. I have to wait until about 5pm to take another 1m or 2mg based on the anxiety level. That will last me until about 9pm where I would have to take 1-2mg in hopes my anxiety still doesn’t spiral. In a typical week, I would have 3-4 panic attacks (as of recently) and I was a struggle every moment.
It had been a while. To be honest, I don’t miss panic attacks. I hate them because I lose myself in the panic attack, and control is what I crave most. It was inevitable. Depression in my life always leads me to increase anxiety. An when that happens, a panic attack is sure to follow–and… Continue reading My Last Panic Attack
From what I have gathered from others that deal with cyclothymia is that depressive episodes are mild and never go into full-blown depressive episodes. On the mania side, the manic episodes are considered symptomatic of hypomania which a milder form of mania.
Merry Christmas from The Bipolar Writer Collaborative blog It has been a fantastic year for The Bipolar Writer blog. The growth of this blog was beyond my imagination. I am happy to have an amazing group of mental health bloggers who have really made this blog a special place. Thank you so much for being… Continue reading Merry Christmas – From The Bipolar Writer