7 Ways I Changed from Hunting the Good Stuff

I spent some time in the Arizona Army National Guard. They had started a program called Master Resiliency Training (MRT). Arizona had one of the highest suicide rates among soldiers. They sanctioned this program to help soldiers “overcome adversity.” The Psychology Department of the University of Philadelphia created the program. After a few years I had forgotten a lot of the training. One thing stuck with me though I never practiced it. It was called “Hunt the Good Stuff.” A simple exercise of writing down three good things that happened to you that day before bed. And writing why those things were important to you.

I remember a Major telling everyone about when he first heard about this exercise. He thought it was stupid. His instructor told him to try it. What did he have to lose? The training went for three days. He noticed by the second night of “Hunting the Good Stuff” he was sleeping better. This Major also had two young daughters whom he didn’t know how to connect with. One night at dinner, he asked his family to tell each other three good things that happened to them that day. His family started doing this every night. His daughters start talking about their good things before anyone else. He was able to learn about and connect with his children with this exercise.

Over the last couple years, my life has had many ups and downs. After so many things chipping away at my resolve, I grew more depressed and negative. I got so negative that someone close to me told me they didn’t want to be around me anymore. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I felt I had hit rock bottom. My job offered six free counseling sessions and I took them. I started a “Hunt the Good Stuff” journal. I still have a long way to go but I’m 1000% better than I was. That was five months ago. This one exercise has done more for me than I ever imagined. I wish I had started doing it sooner.

1. When I Look for Good Things, I Find Them

When I first started this exercise, it felt daunting. I wasn’t sure if I could find three things to write in this journal every day. I had to think for a few minutes. The more often I did this, the easier it got. I used to get angry and sad because my mind autopiloted into negative thoughts. When I sat down and thought about the good things, I always found good things. Perspective and attitude do play a role in one’s mindset. Reflecting on something good, no matter how small, every day has helped to change my way of thinking.

2. Others Noticed a Change in Me

It took several weeks before someone said anything. My sister mentioned noticing a huge change in me. A better change. My coworkers noticed too. One of them wanted to take photos for a work Instagram. I joined in and enjoyed being in the photos. I overheard someone say they had never seen me smile so much. Coworkers were happy to see me when I went to work. They were excited to work with me that day. Positive thinking has led me to enjoy the people I work with even if I don’t enjoy the job itself. 

3. I Gained More Self-Confidence

I talked with a coworker about some of the things I had been doing since I felt my life had fallen apart. I mentioned my counseling and “Hunting the Good Stuff.” I thought she would say that she noticed I was happier. But what she said surprised me. She noticed that I was more confident in myself. I never would have guessed that would be a result from positive thinking. It makes sense. Being positive had made me act sillier and have fun without the concern of what others might think. I can’t remember the last time I was like that.

4. My Attitude Changed; I’m More Positive

As expected, positive thinking has led me to see the world in a positive way. I don’t always assume the worst from people. I rationalize things differently. When someone says they forgot about plans we made because they didn’t put it in their calendar, I understand. I’ve done that too. Before I would assume, I wasn’t important to them and that’s why they forgot. Sometimes people get busy and it has nothing to do with me. I don’t make plans as often now, but I don’t get upset if things don’t go to plan.

5. I Changed How I Talk to Myself

One of the things I started along with “Hunting the Good Stuff” was a positive affirmation. The person I was close to who didn’t want me in their life anymore gave this to me. I repeat the phrases, “I like myself. I love myself. I deserve good things.” I once repeated these words over and over for about 20 minutes. This helped but writing three good things every day helped too. My internal monologue has changed. I don’t call myself stupid when I make a mistake. I don’t say negative things to myself as often. It’s still there now and then, but less frequent.

6. I Sleep Better

It doesn’t work every night. Some nights I’m still restless or only sleep a few hours. But overall my sleep has improved. I have dreams more often. Fewer nightmares. I sleep longer and deeper. I don’t always feel energized, but I don’t feel drained upon waking up anymore. I give myself a couple hours in the morning before work. I allow myself time to ease into the day. This has added to my daily productivity and attitude when going to work. Most of the time, I can go to sleep at the time I want to start sleeping.

7. I Enjoy Things Again

I used to have a general crabby disposition. Even when I used to enjoy something, I didn’t show much enthusiasm. I find myself feeling good after doing things. I go to movies alone and reflect on having a good time with myself. If I go to a party, I socialize for a bit and enjoy some food. I walk in with no expectations and walk out having had a great time. I get more reading and writing done because I enjoy doing it more. 

I’m surprised how much this one activity helped change my perspective on life. I still have hard days where I have to force myself to find good things. The last few weeks I’ve moved from at least three good things every day to four good things every day. More and more days are having five to seven good things. As of writing this, I’ve been practicing this exercise for over 150 days. That’s five months. I may never get back the people I lost when I was negative and depressed. But I will do everything I can to not make the same mistakes twice.

The good stuff is always out there. You just have to look for it. Happy hunting!

James Pack is a self-published author of poetry and fiction.  Information about his publishing credits can be found on his personal blog TheJamesPack.com.  He resides in Tucson, AZ.

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Constant Battles

When mental illness is present, there is constant conflict within.  Many of us share similar battles because we have a similar set of symptoms.  Some of us fight battles very unique to us and our circumstances.  Sometimes, a battle is present because of deep scars from our past.  Whatever the battle, it can be very difficult at times, and we can come away feeling defeated or discouraged.  This is something I know you each understand.

I have shared in past posts about my battle with loving myself.  It is an ongoing challenge that I am doing my best to overcome.  If I am being honest, a lot of the time, it simmers in the background while I deal with the business of caring for my children and home.  Then there are times when it comes to the forefront and I am reminded that I need to give this aspect of my life more deliberate attention.

This describes what happened to me this past weekend.  I pushed myself too hard a couple days in a row and ended up having some significant depression symptoms again.  I was forced to slow down and then to ask myself again, why do I keep doing this to myself?  The answer always comes back to the root problem, which is that I just don’t treat myself with love.  I don’t love myself at all.  In fact, I realized in while I was pondering this, that I despise myself.  I was saddened by the realization but knew it was true.  Every thought I have in relation to myself has been negative.  Every time I look in the mirror, I see my perceived flaws.  Any time I do anything  I am constantly giving myself a beat mental beat down.

I have talked this over with my husband a lot.

This weekend, he put things in a new light for me when he said kindly, “Will you please be nice to my wife?”

This question hit me right in the gut.  I could see my negative thought process from a new perspective–I could see it from the outside.  In this moment, I realized that my self-loathing was not only making me sad, but my husband as well.  He loves me and sees all of my good qualities. He wants me to be happy and he sees how I am keeping my own happiness out of reach by treating myself the way I do.  For some reason, hearing him ask me that question really helped me.

I also had the opportunity to open up to a close friend about my struggle with self love.  She is a great friend and made a really great suggestion.  She suggested trying positive self-affirmations daily to help me retrain my thoughts.  I loved this suggestion and gave it a try.  I spent some time looking at myself in the mirror and saying some affirmations.  I spent a good 5 minutes or so doing this.  At first I just felt silly.  I didn’t believe what I was saying.  But after a couple minutes of really trying to see myself as I see others, I had a little spark of hope.  I realized that this would be really helpful if I did it on a regular basis.  I know I have a lot of work and practice to do before I will really internalize and believe what I am telling myself, but it is a great start and it feels really good to be doing something to help win this battle.

One thing working against me, is my forgetfulness.  I did the affirmations the morning after she told me about them, but then forgot to do it the last couple days.  So, I am going to get a dry erase marker and write a reminder on my bathroom mirror.  No more excuses!  This is a serious conflict that needs some serious, diligent effort.

How about you?  What is one of your greatest battles?  What are you doing to get through it?

Have any of you had experience using positive affirmations?

As always, I love to hear from you.  Please comment below to share your experiences.

 

 

 

You Are Amazing

 

You are worthy.

You are intelligent.

You are strong.

You can accomplish all that you put your mind towards.

You can do this.

This too shall pass.

 

Oh, affirmations, those lovely little bugs that are a pain to do, but my oh my they make a difference.

 

I first was exposed to affirmations when I was a child and all through my childhood.  My mother was a Rockstar.  She would tell us repeatedly how beautiful we were, that we were intelligent, that we were worthy of God’s love and so forth.  I never knew how much those words would be needed until February 2016 arrived.

I suffered a major mental breakdown the first quarter of 2016 and it rocked my world like there was no tomorrow.  And at several points, I was not sure if there was going to be a tomorrow.  Through the breakdown, I was finally diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder 1 with a mixed episode after 15 or so years of being symptomatic and improperly treated.  I suffered immensely for five (5) months before succumbed to attending treatment.  Two months later, I learned a bit and met a few amazing people and finally started back at work.

It was in treatment that the importance of affirmations resurfaced.  And to be completely honest I thought that they were the most insane things I have ever been asked to do.  “You want me to look in the mirror and say what? Yeah, that does not work for me!”  It wasn’t until I was forced to say affirmations to myself in front of my whole group that it slowly began to sink it.  Through tears I recited something to the effect of, “I am worthy” and that was one of the hardest things that I have ever done.

The next day I sat down with my teenagers and we all filled out cards with affirmations.  That night we each drew a card out of the box, read it out loud and each family member spoke back the affirmation to the person who drew the card.  I had the card that stated, “I am intelligent” and my family spoke back to me, “Yes Michelle, you are intelligent”.  My children loved this exercise and it became part of our routine for an extended amount of time.

I no longer think that affirmations are a waste of time and energy.  I think that they are incredible and have helped me through many a day.  Today I was telling myself that I can do this, I can persevere, I can tackle this hurdle of what feels like the starts of a depressive episode.  I thoroughly feel that a positive mindset is a great partner to have when co-existing with a mental illness.  At times, we need to be our own cheerleaders.  We need to root ourselves on, tell ourselves that we can do it, that we are worth it, and we make a difference.

In case you were not aware, you are awesome.  You are talented and have special talents that make you immensely important.  You have a purpose.  You are an incredible gift.

 

Sprinkle Covered Cupcakes and Fairy Dust,

~Michelle

www.bellasbabbles.com

Photo Credit:unsplash-logoFab Lentz