I’ve Got You

Today I am sharing a story from blogger Sheri Kauffman, from her blog https://brokenfingernails.com/ This is another guest blog for Suicide Prevention Month. Please read and leave feedback!

Always Keep Fighting (AKF)

J.E.

I’ve Got You

After over twenty years of fighting my demons, I had enough. My depression had become treatment-resistant, and bipolar depression is the absolute worst form of this insidious black fog. My brain didn’t care that I had a loving husband and family, that I was finally financially secure, that the stressors in my life had been reduced to a minimum.

I can’t really remember the chain of events, other than the fact that my husband was washing the dishes after dinner, and I walked into the kitchen behind him, grabbed my bottle of Klonopin and my container of blades that I use to slash bread before baking, and walked out the door without him knowing. It was October, it was cold and damp from a recent rain, I was wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants, and I was barefoot. This plan had been brewing in my head for days, I had knew exactly how this would work, and I strode out of the house quickly without making a noise. The tears were pouring down my face, the only light outside in rural southern Ohio was the moon, and my brain was on autopilot to the final destination of peace and quiet…forever. Past the garden, the skeletons of the corn stalks and tomato cages seemingly pointing the way, straight into the woods. The ground was cold and wet, covered in leaves, the pain of the sticks barely registered. But then I stepped on something sharp and looked down. The moon illuminated the broken bones of some long-dead animal. I could go no further. Pills in one hand, blades in the other, I stood there staring at those bones, wondering if that’s what the searchers would eventually find. The miasma of the insidious beast gripping my brain muted sounds of gut-wrenching sobs; I didn’t even realize they were coming from me. I have no idea how long I stood there, feeling the black fog enveloping me, not hearing my husband’s voice calling my name. Then his arms were tight around me. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you, I’m not letting go.” Oh I begged him to let go; I was so tired of fighting. But he kept saying the same thing over and over in a very quiet voice while he took the instruments of destruction out of my hands, slowly turned me around and guided me back to the house, blazing with lights. He sat me down on the side of the bed, washed the dirt and leaves from the woods off of my feet with a warm washcloth, and lay down beside me with his arms wrapped tight around my shivering body. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you, I won’t let go.” I fell asleep to that loving lullaby, and in the morning I started all over, one step a time, fighting away the demons once again.

Those three words, “I’ve got you,” did more for me than “I love you,” “It’s okay,” “Everything will be fine.” That was about five years ago. I still struggle, I still think about disappearing every day, but I don’t…I keep fighting.

https://brokenfingernails.com/

Photo Credir: Maria Boesiger

The Wall of Silence

People are afraid to intervene with someone who is having mental health issues or is in crisis. Sometimes it is fear of the unknown and/or a fear of not knowing how to help. They do not know what to do or say, so they sometimes do and say nothing. Nothing and silence hurts, destroys, isolates, wounds and shames.

Silence forms a wall between the people who desperately need help and the people who could help. Silence builds a wall between illness and wellness. Silence creates a wall between life and death.

We should not fear helping people who have mental illness or are suicidal, we should fear what happens if we don’t help them. The lack of doing and saying nothing is not working. We need to help, We need to care. We need to love and support others. We need to talk about it. We need to listen.

We need to make beautiful noises. The silence is too loud.

Image result for silence is the most powerful scream


The Wall of Silence

The wall of silence trembles ferociously as it cries out in pain

and no one comes

no one answers

no one sees

no one cares.

The wall of silence shakes incessantly as it is shamed

from the stares,

the whispers,

the glares,

and the cruelty of their silent words.

The wall of silence

barricades,

isolates,

hinders,

scares,

shames,

destroys

and kills.

The wall of silence prevents

love,

unity,

acceptance,

compassion,

trust,

strength

and wellness.

Tear down the wall of silence by

talking about suicide and mental health issues,

sharing your story,

listening to others,

supporting and caring,

and accepting and loving EVERYONE.

~written by Susan Walz

Tear down the walls of silence by reducing the stigma of mental illness and suicide.

Image result for silence is the most powerful scream


One conversation can change a life.

Image result for suicide prevention month 2018

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

So, I will write and share a post every day during the month of September containing important facts, statistics and educational information about suicide and suicide prevention. The name of my campaign is called…

Remember in September.

Today, may be too late.

Prevent suicide yesterday.

Don’t let there be anymore “what if” or “if I only” yesterday statements.

Make your today never become a yesterday you will regret. 

Save lives. Talk about it. Don’t wait. Get help. Don’t let yesterday become too late.

If you have any stories or information about suicide prevention you would like me to share on my blog, please let me know. I would love to share any information you have. Thank you in advance for your contributions.

Together we can do this.

It takes a village…

and this wonderfully beautiful blogging community…

24/7 CRISIS SUPPORT

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Copyright ©2018 Susan Walz |myloudbipolarwhispers.com | All Rights Reserved

 

Contributor Writers on The Bipolar Writer Blog

I had some time today, so I thought it was time to expand my contributor blogger family. Since introducing new contributor bloggers on The Bipolar Writer blog. It has been a fantastic journey since adding members of the mental illness community to come to this collaborative blog and share their story. So here is what is expected for contributor bloggers on The Bipolar Writer blog.

“Just FYI the content you write on The Bipolar Writer is all your own. You will get the notifications for likes and comments. I reserve the right to publish and proofread if necessary. I like the content to be mental health, any subject, and at least one post every two weeks. You can write as much as you like, I always post the blog posts of contributor writers. I have blogging schedule (usually 2-3 slots a day) and I have almost 30 contributors that will include you.

The writing is first to come first on the blog, so it could take a day for your content to go live. I do post as well so I often will take one slot. The times are all Pacific Time and around the following times. (9:00am, 2pm). Also, I require that you pick your tags and categories and provide at least one picture in the featured image section of the options. Just letting you know that the picture selection is limited to what I have on my blog. If you want specific pictures, you must email them to me. If this works for you I will add you, all I need is the email connected to your blog so that I can add you. You will receive another email welcoming you to the team.”

If you are interested in joining the team email me @ jamesedgarskye22@gmail.com

Always Keep Fighting

James