Too Many Excuses.

I love writing. I write lists as a comfort, and my thoughts as an outlet. Sometimes, I get hung up on others opinions of my writing. Opinions I shouldn’t worry about. I write for me. Most of it doesn’t make sense but it feels right.When I freeze while trying to consider opinions I haven’t heard… Continue reading Too Many Excuses.

My First Time.

I have never been hospitalized before. I think that I am pretty good at hiding things, but I couldn’t hide this from myself. I knew there was something wrong. I wasn’t sleeping more than a couple hours, I was becoming emotionally abusive, and I was falling back into overspending. Mania. This isn’t the first time… Continue reading My First Time.

Clarity.

This is a two part post: The next part is scheduled to be posted tomorrow. I want to start off by saying that I voluntarily see my psych doc weekly because I need a lot of accountability regarding my medication. It is a personal choice and in no way does it reflect my dedication to… Continue reading Clarity.

Thirty.

30. Thirty. The big 3-0. I want to mark this time. (peep that pic of me celebrating graduation in late May) If you would have asked 20 year old me what the next 10 years held…she would have thought that it sounded scary and wonderful, but it could never be her. She blamed everyone for… Continue reading Thirty.

A Weekend That Changed My Life – Part One

When change happens to me its only when someone challenges me. This person challenges me to look beyond my feelings of insecurities and take a look inside the core cause of my pain. To see what I am looking for in this life.

Saving Myself Through Discomfort

Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

“Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.” – Susan David – TED Talk “The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage” This pandemic caught me at a really odd time in my life, an odd time that has been going on for at least two years and which was exacerbated by the death… Continue reading Saving Myself Through Discomfort

Learn to Love Yourself in the Alone Time

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I have spent the last several months going to work and going home. Not much socializing. Sometimes once a month I would go out if invited to something. I was trying to save money. And I was trying to work on myself. I went to counseling and did other activities to pull myself out of… Continue reading Learn to Love Yourself in the Alone Time

Bringing Color Back.

Photo by Sarah Trummer on Pexels.com

If you have followed along, you would know that I have had some pretty big gaps in medication management. Whether it be from my own failure to comply, medications that didn’t work, or just a hard time finding a doctor that stuck; it has sucked. I had been seeing a doctor since I got back… Continue reading Bringing Color Back.

The Best of Me

“You gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you,” are the lyrics to “Magic Shop” by Korean pop group BTS. I have been listening to this song over and over because I keep thinking about these words. Sure, it’s not the most eloquent phrasing but I think that they… Continue reading The Best of Me

7 Ways I Changed from Hunting the Good Stuff

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

I spent some time in the Arizona Army National Guard. They had started a program called Master Resiliency Training (MRT). Arizona had one of the highest suicide rates among soldiers. They sanctioned this program to help soldiers “overcome adversity.” The Psychology Department of the University of Philadelphia created the program. After a few years I… Continue reading 7 Ways I Changed from Hunting the Good Stuff