Sobriety and Suicide My January 2021

One of the things that my life coach recommended is to reach out to those with childhood trauma of any kind. Perhaps, we can get to my fragmented memories and begin to piece them together again. Please comment or reach out of you can help. That’s my hope for now, and perhaps I need life coaching in this one area because I am tired of my dark passenger having control of my life.

Photo by Nathan McBride on Unsplash

It feels so good to be writing again about my experiences as I continue to navigate this mental illness life. It was a struggle in January of 2021, and I have to say I have come out stronger, but there are still lingering effects.

As of writing this blog post, I am now thirty-three days into my recommitment to my sobriety. That is huge, considering I lost five years in 2020. After the loss to my mom, it was easier to turn to alcohol, but I know she would have wanted me to get back on track with my sobriety.

I have gone through a lot in 2021, including feeling suicidal and coming up with another suicide plan that I considered following through at the end of January. I was able to reach out once again to someone I trust and develop a safety plan once again which has been in place for a few days. I was very depressed, though I got a lot down with scheduling podcast episodes, doing interviews, working on projects, and creating podcast episodes. I am still struggling with several things at once. There is the stress which is leading to high blood pressure, and of course, the issues with my teeth that are stress related. I will be lucky to stay healthy in 2021, but I know I need to work on stress triggers as I continue on into February and beyond.

With my stress comes issues, including more depression or the coming back of my dark passenger and issues with my past. I am still dealing with the fantastic part of my recent stint in working with a life coach for four months in 2020. It allowed emotions back into my life and being vulnerable, but with some unintended consequences like doors I thought I shut long ago. The most telling was when I was a kid and what happened to me when I was four years old. At the end of 2019, before my therapist moved on, I began to put together the very fragmented memories. I have been trying to keep these memories shut away for as long as I can remember. In 2007, when my diagnosis became Bipolar One, I vowed to close that door and never open it again.

Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash

The thing about my memories of that time is that I was so young, and I can feel how traumatizing it can be now to recount even the fragments. My dark passenger came from that time. It has grown with me over the years. My dark passenger has controlled me so much where I am still dealing with the fallout, and something has to change. I have begun a written journal of what I can remember, a recommendation from my life coach, and forcing myself to remember as much as I can about that time. 

One of the things that my life coach recommended is to reach out to those with childhood trauma of any kind. Perhaps, we can get to my fragmented memories and begin to piece them together again. Please comment or reach out of you can help. That’s my hope for now, and perhaps I need life coaching in this one area because I am tired of my dark passenger having control of my life. 

What’s next? I need to find balance in the work I do and my mental health. I am planting seeds in my life, so I am more efficient with my money when it comes to getting out of the poverty lifestyle mindset that comes with being a struggling up and coming writer. Life always finds a way, and if I live in the now, in these moments as they come to me, and not the future, I am sure the universe will help me on my path, whatever that might be for me.

Stay strong in the fight for better mental health, and check out my podcast below when you have a moment. Or look up The Bipolar Writer Podcast on Apple Podcast or Spotify and other places that you listen to podcasts. Help me share others’ stories in the mental illness community by becoming a supporter of my mental health by buying me a coffee button on this page.

The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Alaina The Bipolar Writer Podcast

Episode Description Alaina became an advocate for mental health in 2017 following a psychotic episode. During this episode, she experienced delusions, paranoia, and hallucinations. Initially, she was diagnosed with brief psychotic disorder, which mental health professionals believed was stress-induced, as Alaina was a full-time Ph.D. student. Later in the same year, Alaina's diagnosis changed to bipolar I disorder. While she did not complete her Ph.D. program, she is currently in school for ultrasound, and she will begin a master's program in health administration in the fall of 2021. If you would like to know more about Alaina, you can follow her blog at http://www.thebipolarbuzz.com and subscribe to her YouTube channel, Alaina Raquel. -Alaina If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/support
  1. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Alaina
  2. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Colleen
  3. Bullying and Mental Health
  4. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Krystal
  5. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Gavin

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

Purchase my Memoir and Novella here: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Photo by Medina Spahić on Unsplash

The Bipolar Writer Podcast Episode Ten – Interview of Yun From Malaysia

It is my honor to share the first international episode of The Bipolar Writer Podcast. I want to welcome Yun all the way from Malaysia!

Photo by Esmonde Yong on Unsplash

It is my honor to share the first international episode of The Bipolar Writer Podcast. I want to welcome Yun all the way from Malaysia! Yun comes on my show at my request to share her own story dealing with her mental illness and the differences in culture than what many audience members and I know here in the United States. Listen to her story because, as always, we must share all stories no matter where they come from in this global world.

Buy Me A Coffee

Stories are so crucial to the Bipolar Writer Podcast and The Bipolar Writer Collaborative Blog for the community. We are the stories, and each of us carries a unique story within the mental illness community, and I want to share yours. Consider becoming an interviewee on the show. Our stories transform what society sees and show the real chipping away at the stigma, and perhaps the future, the ones that are young and dealing with mental health and mental illness, that we have to protect. Our stories are the key.

Join me in listening to Yun’s story from Malaysia.

The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Alaina The Bipolar Writer Podcast

Episode Description Alaina became an advocate for mental health in 2017 following a psychotic episode. During this episode, she experienced delusions, paranoia, and hallucinations. Initially, she was diagnosed with brief psychotic disorder, which mental health professionals believed was stress-induced, as Alaina was a full-time Ph.D. student. Later in the same year, Alaina's diagnosis changed to bipolar I disorder. While she did not complete her Ph.D. program, she is currently in school for ultrasound, and she will begin a master's program in health administration in the fall of 2021. If you would like to know more about Alaina, you can follow her blog at http://www.thebipolarbuzz.com and subscribe to her YouTube channel, Alaina Raquel. -Alaina If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/support
  1. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Alaina
  2. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Colleen
  3. Bullying and Mental Health
  4. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Krystal
  5. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Gavin

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

Purchase my Memoir and Novella here: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Photo by mkjr_ on Unsplash

The Bipolar Writer Blog Crossroads

What helps is having writers, and I hope that in 2021 my writers come back, and we can continue to share our stories. For at least this blog, it is not getting people to read the current things being written through WordPress. I see it overall with WordPress, and I could be wrong, but fewer people are on than when I started this blog in 2017.

Photo by Tara Scahill on Unsplash

I am at a crossroads as I begin 2021 on the right note. The Bipolar Writer Blog has been the highlight of the last few years in my quest to be a mental health advocate. I love that I have been able to share stories, bring in writers, and make this a safe place for us in the mental illness community to discuss mental health since 2017. The crossroads is if we continue to provide the right amount of people writing and sharing to make this blog still work?

Buy Me A Coffee

What helps is having writers, and I hope that in 2021 my writers come back, and we can continue to share our stories. For at least this blog, it is not getting people to read the current things being written through WordPress. I see it overall with WordPress, and I could be wrong, but fewer people are on than when I started this blog in 2017. It is why I decided to begin the podcast. It made sense to find a new platform. So, anyone willing to join our group of writers, please reach out in the page’s contact area, or you can email me at jamesedgarskye22@gmail.com.

The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Alaina The Bipolar Writer Podcast

Episode Description Alaina became an advocate for mental health in 2017 following a psychotic episode. During this episode, she experienced delusions, paranoia, and hallucinations. Initially, she was diagnosed with brief psychotic disorder, which mental health professionals believed was stress-induced, as Alaina was a full-time Ph.D. student. Later in the same year, Alaina's diagnosis changed to bipolar I disorder. While she did not complete her Ph.D. program, she is currently in school for ultrasound, and she will begin a master's program in health administration in the fall of 2021. If you would like to know more about Alaina, you can follow her blog at http://www.thebipolarbuzz.com and subscribe to her YouTube channel, Alaina Raquel. -Alaina If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/support
  1. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Alaina
  2. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Colleen
  3. Bullying and Mental Health
  4. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Krystal
  5. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Gavin

The hope is to keep the blog in February, and we will see, but I need more people writing on the blog to make it worth it to continue the blog. As much as I love writing, my time will be split up a lot this year. Who knows, many people have really launched their own blogs through The Bipolar Writer blog. I am looking for anyone willing to really write here and share with the world. Reach out, and let us work together.

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

Purchase my Memoir and Novella here: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks

The Bipolar Writer Podcast

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Diagnosis (over ten years)

I suppose symptoms often overlap

I was first diagnosed with something which was OCD in 2008.
I was 22, and it was long overdue.

I’d basically had enough and had to go and see a consultant psychiatrist.

Since then however, I have had a diagnosis of psychotic depression.

I am also referring myself for an autism and ADHD assessment.
there isn’t really any significant bonuses this will create nowadays other than personal clarity.

there is autism in my family, more than I’ve thought about properly before, and I am almost certain it is underlying, potentially before the OCD manifested itself.

It doesn’t matter where any symptoms come from anymore, I have written a book that looks at my symptoms from a fresh perspective and attempts to utilise mindfulness meditation as an adjunct to therapy.

I’d just like to say I have a lot of love for the mental health and autistic community,

Hopefully my book will inspire some minds.

I’m going to publish it on my 35th birthday next year.

My symptoms are quite discreet, I never used to run around screaming.
But inside I was screaming!

Just a short one today.

Much love

The Bipolar Writer Ghostwriting Services

The Bipolar Writer Ghostwriting Services focus will be on memoir writing in the mental health/mental illness realm, but I have other services that include a complete ghostwriting package, copywriting services, manuscript evaluations, teaching how to become a better writer, and blogger.

Well, I thought it was time as I move forward to launching my LLC in January 2021. The Bipolar Writer Ghostwriting Services is looking for its first new clients for the new year. While the business is new, I have been ghostwriting for close to six years, and I have several books under my belt, and I have current projects that will cross over into the new business. I am a memoirist at heart.

The Bipolar Writer Ghostwriting Services focus will be on memoir writing in the mental health/mental illness realm, but I have other services that include a complete ghostwriting package, copywriting services, manuscript evaluations, teaching how to become a better writer, and blogger. While my main focus is on memoirs of any kind, I am willing to work on smaller projects as well. Even collaborative work will become a focus.

I know someone reading this blog post really wants to tell their story to the world and make money at it but lack the skills to write nonfiction. I come into the story as part of your narrative, and I take something beautiful, making it readable with little work on your part. I can do the initial meeting on Zoom, and I will compete for your business. This is an investment in you, and I will work to make your dream a reality. Please reach out to my new business email: jameseskye22@gmail.com. Let us collaborate on something unique together!

For everything social media for James Edgar Skye visit my Linq Site here. 

Buy my book on Amazon through my website.

Always Keep Fighting

James Edgar Skye 

Photo by Burst on Unsplash

Fate

And such indescribable and sublime loneliness.

I wanted to protect you from fate.

The fate that carries you away further and further…

Let us rebuild a healthy state of mind. Sending you angel love and blessings.

Love, Francesca.

World Mental Health Day

In 1992, the World Federation of Mental Health established World Mental Health Day. In almost 30 years, knowledge about mental health a grown a great deal. The biggest goal for this day is awareness. Even today, there are many people who don’t understand the vast mental health issues people struggle with every day. Even the most recognizable disorders such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) still lack awareness in the general public. Worst of all, people with no medical or behavioral health training claim to know about these disorders and spread false information.

I use this blog and others to share my own experiences. I share my first-hand account of struggling with PTSD and how I learned I had PTSD with two goals in mind. First, I want to bring awareness to people who know nothing about mental health issues. Second, I want others who experience the same things to realize they’re not alone. Many people suffer from poor mental health and don’t realize it. And many have no means to seek help. They may not have insurance. They may not have the means or ability to access medication. They may be afraid to take medication or think they don’t need any.

Help spread awareness about mental health by sharing your story. Only share what you’re comfortable sharing. I have found it helpful to talk about my experiences. It was one step I had to take among many to begin the path to healing. I’m still healing and still have a long way to go. Never give up. Never surrender.

James Pack is a self-published author of poetry and fiction.  Information about his publishing credits can be found on his personal blog TheJamesPack.com.  He resides in Tucson, AZ.

Too Many Excuses.

I love writing. I write lists as a comfort, and my thoughts as an outlet. Sometimes, I get hung up on others opinions of my writing. Opinions I shouldn’t worry about. I write for me. Most of it doesn’t make sense but it feels right.When I freeze while trying to consider opinions I haven’t heard yet, I am hurting myself more than anyone. With no paper to spill my feelings into, I find myself fixating on them more than ever.

So I am just gonna go for it. I am sorry if this is a little scattered.

Remember the first time you watched a movie from your childhood, but as an adult? Maybe there was a joke that went over your prepubescent head, or maybe it confirmed a theory you had. Either way, I find myself doing this often. I used to really push away from religion and even claimed to be atheist (ZERO opinion if you are or aren’t religious). I talked about things I didn’t have any knowledge on and put down anything that sounded like a religious comment. Now I turn to the Bible as a comfort. The words in that book mean more now.

The word mindfulness means more now. I understand how I can be mindful, and how that benefits my growth as a person. My BP diagnosis was my first step towards mindfulness. I finally recognized something wasn’t right and sought help for my mood and subsequent actions. With that came the realization that I had formed these habits that were hurting those around me. I didn’t want to just mask symptoms, I wanted to find the cause.

I have had a lot of great things happen lately, and I had a lot of shitty things happen too. As I revealed recently, I was hospitalized for thoughts of self harm. All is better now, I just had to get some meds tweaked and take some time to process my feelings in a safe place. I get back to work and disclose to a close coworker what my hospitalization was for. My boss comes back from vacation and suddenly, after almost a year, fires me for “low productivity”. I had just signed a lease on a two bedroom apartment for my self and my mom who I care for. I just bought a new car earlier this year. A lot of people close to me pointed out the timing of being let go, right after I was hospitalized. I just don’t want to be one of those people who blame others. I honestly was shocked when they let me go. I had never received any indication that my work was not meeting expectations. I have filed for unemployment, but I haven’t received anything as of yet. It has only been a week.

Isn’t it weird the things that can trigger depression. My job loss didn’t. I was upset and down as to be expected but it wasn’t depression. Having to ask and receive help from my sister who is so judgmental of any actions that aren’t 100% responsible, and my grandmother who I have been trying to set boundaries with, especially financially.

I got a verbal offer for a job today. Since completing my degree, I haven’t been job searching. Let me tell you, I am being offered hire positions then I have ever held. Positions that I most certainly feel I am unqualified for. I accepted but am waiting for the official offer letter.

I feel like things are looking up and all in all, this year wasn’t bad. It might be one of my best yet.

Is It Anxiety? Tips and Tricks to Recognize Signs of Anxiety, and To Deal With Them

I have a fairly normal outlook on the world:
-someone’s late coming home …so he must be dead or kidnapped.
-that person didn’t smile at me …she hates me.
-the warning light came on in the car …it will blow up before the next stoplight.
-I feel somewhat sick …yes, Google, it must be cancer.

What? That’s normal, right?

It’s not?

Photo by Pablo Varela on Unsplash

This way of thinking has hounded me for most of my life. Not until it exhibited as severe depression from how other people treated me did I know …these thoughts may not be that normal. I also didn’t realize my worries had a name: anxiety. That realization didn’t come to me overnight. It didn’t come from a counselor, although uncovering and treating it did come because of counseling sessions. My learning about anxiety –my anxiety- came after talking with a neighbor.

“I felt like I should save up money for a trip,” I told the neighbor, back in June, “But then it got cancelled because of Coronavirus. So… I guess this means I’m going to get sick and will be hospitalized.” *Sigh*

Without skipping a beat, she responded, “No, that’s called anxiety.”

Initially, I felt shocked and surprised. I then felt denial, since anxiety was not a condition I’d ever considered. Anxiety was for other relatives of mine who had experienced panic attacks or hadn’t been able to sleep with the lights off. Anxiety couldn’t affect me…

Then, the puzzle pieces fit together -answers to my racing and irrational thoughts. I brought these concerns to my video counseling session; my counselor was not as surprised as I had been. I’m just glad she’s as smart and observant as she is.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

With her help, I learned that many of my panicky thinking is anxiety. I started making a list whenever I worried about a situation. I shared the list with my more-rational husband or a good friend. I learned which voice spoke: me or anxiety. Over time, I could see the differences.

After that, I learned to answer the worries:
-someone’s late coming home …so I’m anxious.
-that person didn’t smile at me …she’s having a bad day.
-the warning light came on in the car …and that light could be anything from needing an oil change to needing more coolant.
-I feel somewhat sick …it’s probably a cold.

Once I could recognize anxieties and stop the rising panic, I was able to formulate solutions. At the very least, I got better at delaying irrational actions and stress. Which, of course, does not mean the anxiety evaporated.

Sometimes, at times of high stress, my tips and tricks do not work. In times like that, I contact my counselor. Sometimes, she suggests anti-anxiety medications. Why? Because anxiety is like other mental illnesses in that I can’t always fight it on my own.

Armed with tricks, encouragement, professional advice, and help when I need it, I’ve found anxiety to be less formidable than before. I’ve found a freedom I didn’t know before. And it’s wonderful.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

©2020 Chel Owens

My First Time.

I have never been hospitalized before. I think that I am pretty good at hiding things, but I couldn’t hide this from myself. I knew there was something wrong. I wasn’t sleeping more than a couple hours, I was becoming emotionally abusive, and I was falling back into overspending. Mania. This isn’t the first time I have been manic this year, but I hope it is the last. I moved into a new apartment earlier this week and I already can’t make rent. I am exhausting. I am tired from being me.

I took myself down to the hospital which I think we can agree is a feat on its own. Not having insurance was both a blessing a curse. The plus side is that I could choose whatever hospital I wanted and the downside is that I am uninsured. I can’t help but laugh that this insanely expensive vacation I just took and I didn’t even get to go to the pool. I am constantly, actively working to better myself. I take my medication, go to all my doctors appointments, religiously see my therapist, use the breathing exercises. I am not immune to it. It wasn’t at all what I had expected. Clean, hospital like in some ways, slightly degrading, and cold. BUT I am blessed to have gone to a place that provided me a private room and bathroom. Granted, everything was bolted to the floor and the bathroom had no door. Overall it was a really nice place filled with people actively trying to get better.

I was sad and anxious that I was taking all these days unpaid, but I had to. I had to go and get help. It was an out of body experience watching me set fire to all the relationships that took years to rebuild. One conversation has sent it all tumbling down. Here I am, trying to intervene and slow the damage. I was discharged yesterday afternoon and it seems that my grandparents are going to be the hardest to recover. I suppose it is divine timing because we just moved away after living next door to them. I am fortunate to still have my mom in my corner because it would be hell living together for the next year if I am going to be the source of her pain and anger.

I am doing better today. Better than yesterday, better than a week ago. I just have to keep pushing forward. My anxiety is manageable right now and I hope that it stays that way. I hope that this made inpatient stays a little less scary for those who haven’t experienced it.

Keep fighting the good fight!