The Official Launch of The Bipolar Writer Podcast

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

I have talked about the podcast before in a post. With a couple of episodes under my belt, I wanted to share what this means to me. It means everything and also what the podcast will be. In conjunction with The Voices of Mental Illness book and my upcoming work in the realm of nonprofit in 2021, the many things I plan on doing alongside the podcast. I want people to be a part of the experience. That means you, the followers of the blog to become a part of the journey through interviews. I will do the interviews on Zoom and then put them into episodes.

We will talk about mental illnesses, mental health, depression, anxiety, suicide, bullying, the divide between the mental illness community and the mental health professional community. Everything in between will be discussed, and no idea is off-limits.

The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with A.K. Wilson The Bipolar Writer Podcast

About A.K. My name is A.K. Wilson, or otherwise known as Angel. I am a mother, blogger, mental health, and domestic violence survivor advocate. I am a multi-genre author and writer.  I was born in New York, Raised in NJ, made a home in Kentucky. I live life to the fullest and cherish every moment. My links 🙂 http://www.twistedenchantedworld.com Contact James If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye Also support a life coach that has influenced me along my journey of self-reflection: https://www.groundsforclarity.com The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/support
  1. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with A.K. Wilson
  2. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Hunter
  3. Interview with Amy The Bipolar Writer Podcast
  4. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Norm
  5. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Kathleen

I do not have an official “this is what the podcast will be,” which is okay. There are no right or wrong answers, only life in the now. Why not continue to be spontaneous like it has always been with the blog. One thing to note, The Bipolar Writer Podcast will be listener supported through Patreon and also on Achor.fm has its own lister supported area. You can use the link below to become a part of the support. 

Become a Patron!

Buy Me A Coffee

If you would like to join me in an interview, there will be a page soon on my author website. For now, you can use the contact page or email me @ jameseskye22@gmail.com

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

Purchase my Memoir and Novella here: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks

The Bipolar Writer Podcast

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Photo by Will Francis on Unsplash

Angel on the Ward – The Release of my New Book!!

This will be coming out of the left field. I know I should have been marketing this book more here and in other places. Tomorrow should be, barring any more setbacks, the release of Angel on the Ward, a novella by James Edgar Skye!

Here is a sneak peak!

Life. Death. We have the power in us to take our life away, and James tried that with his own. Here is the thing. When you survive suicide, the aftermath devastates the survivor psychologically. For James, it landed him in a psychiatric ward with a fresh new diagnosis. The mysterious Angel appears on the ward with all the answers. James struggles with his dark passenger taking the wheel with Angel as his guide to the darkness. His world will be forever changed by a dream, but what does that mean? James will find out. So will you in Angel on the Ward.  

The book deals with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, diagnosis, life on the ward, suicide, self-harm, and other important topics that I thought could fit in about 130 plus pages and 35K words. It is action-packed, and I consider it a psychological thriller within the mental illness realm. It is written in my normal third-person omniscient from the main character. It was initially a short story I wrote when I began my bachelor’s degree.

You can find all my books on my author’s website, including the new novella. I hope to get everything cleared by tonight, including adding the novella and where but it to James’ book corner. If everything works out accordingly, I will be releasing the novella on the first anniversary of my mom’s passing, December 15th, tomorrow! Tomorrow will be a filled day as I plan on releasing my next Podcast episode as well, where I discuss how the last year has been, the things that I have done, and how I am dealing with the grief. It will be about tomorrow and my experience on the 6th, which marked the first anniversary of my mother’s stroke and the last time that I got to talk to her in person. 

The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with A.K. Wilson The Bipolar Writer Podcast

About A.K. My name is A.K. Wilson, or otherwise known as Angel. I am a mother, blogger, mental health, and domestic violence survivor advocate. I am a multi-genre author and writer.  I was born in New York, Raised in NJ, made a home in Kentucky. I live life to the fullest and cherish every moment. My links 🙂 http://www.twistedenchantedworld.com Contact James If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye Also support a life coach that has influenced me along my journey of self-reflection: https://www.groundsforclarity.com The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/support
  1. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with A.K. Wilson
  2. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Hunter
  3. Interview with Amy The Bipolar Writer Podcast
  4. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Norm
  5. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Kathleen

With that said, I hope that if you are a fan of my work, you are willing to purchase the book either on kindle unlimited or paperback (which I would love the most!) There will be more to come after the release about possibly selling the book on my website alongside my memoir, and looking out for a future post about getting a copy of the book in exchange for good or bad reviews does not matter to me. My writing so far is about word of mouth, so please share this post if you can on social media and WordPress. Help a struggling writer continue to do what he loves!

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Spend a WHOLE day on the Couch with ME

What happens when you beat to the tune of a different drum?

What happens when all that you think and all that you do was changed in one moment in time?

What happens when its not just that moment, but all the moments that led up to this moment that you only just now put together?

What happens when all you want is sense of normalcy?

What happens when all you want is a sense of belonging?

What happens when your head spits out info faster than you can ever put into words?

What happens when today is the day that someone is listening to you?

What happens when today is the day that is the start of something new?

What happens when today is not just a moment, but a moment that defines all the rest?

What if today is the day you decide you are normally you?

What if today you get just piece of that into words?

I’ll tell you, but you have to first spend the day spending time with me…….

My First Time.

I have never been hospitalized before. I think that I am pretty good at hiding things, but I couldn’t hide this from myself. I knew there was something wrong. I wasn’t sleeping more than a couple hours, I was becoming emotionally abusive, and I was falling back into overspending. Mania. This isn’t the first time I have been manic this year, but I hope it is the last. I moved into a new apartment earlier this week and I already can’t make rent. I am exhausting. I am tired from being me.

I took myself down to the hospital which I think we can agree is a feat on its own. Not having insurance was both a blessing a curse. The plus side is that I could choose whatever hospital I wanted and the downside is that I am uninsured. I can’t help but laugh that this insanely expensive vacation I just took and I didn’t even get to go to the pool. I am constantly, actively working to better myself. I take my medication, go to all my doctors appointments, religiously see my therapist, use the breathing exercises. I am not immune to it. It wasn’t at all what I had expected. Clean, hospital like in some ways, slightly degrading, and cold. BUT I am blessed to have gone to a place that provided me a private room and bathroom. Granted, everything was bolted to the floor and the bathroom had no door. Overall it was a really nice place filled with people actively trying to get better.

I was sad and anxious that I was taking all these days unpaid, but I had to. I had to go and get help. It was an out of body experience watching me set fire to all the relationships that took years to rebuild. One conversation has sent it all tumbling down. Here I am, trying to intervene and slow the damage. I was discharged yesterday afternoon and it seems that my grandparents are going to be the hardest to recover. I suppose it is divine timing because we just moved away after living next door to them. I am fortunate to still have my mom in my corner because it would be hell living together for the next year if I am going to be the source of her pain and anger.

I am doing better today. Better than yesterday, better than a week ago. I just have to keep pushing forward. My anxiety is manageable right now and I hope that it stays that way. I hope that this made inpatient stays a little less scary for those who haven’t experienced it.

Keep fighting the good fight!

Community Mental Health Discussion Discord Channel

Come Join an Amazing Group of Mental Health Warriors

James Edgar Skye (The Bipolar Writer) is collaborating with Grounds for Clarity on a Discord Channel called Community Mental Health Discussions. It will be a place where you can come anonymously if needed to discuss the many topics that come with mental illness and mental health. Our goal is to have open-ended discussions that are open 24/7. Myself and Grounds for Clarity will be moderators. Beyond that it is a place where you can share your thoughts in a controlled atmopshere.  

Want to join? Go to www.discord.com

  • Sign up for a discord account.
  • Then add me as a friend – JamesEdgarSkye#4190
  • Send me a message that you are from WordPress, introduce yourself to me in a direct message if I don’t know you, and I will add you to the group!
  • If you have any questions or need help simply reach out
  • Or email me @ jamesedgarskye22@gmail.com

Here is the introduction to our discord:

Welcome to the first of its kind Discord community in which our goal is to provide a safe, anonymous, immersive, and experiential learning experience into mental health discussion. 

We will provide a safe, anonymous, immersive and experiential learning experience into mental health discussion by sharing our personal stories. Here, we value transparency, your story, your authenticity…. in a place where we accept everyone’s point of view.

And what that means is, we may not always agree with one another and we believe within our community safely challenging one another’s perspectives is the key to collaborative discussion. 

We strongly desire for everyone to speak from the lens with which they view life including but not limited to: 

  • Politics
  • Religion/ Deity
  • Sexual orientation
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Ethnicity
  • Racial make-up
  • Education
  • Culture
  • Physical/ Mental/ Social/ Emotional/ Environmental/ Spiritual factors
  • Lifestyle
  • Age (Group is reserved for 18 years and up)
  • Mother tongue
  • Professional/ Role in society
  • Taste of music
  • Sense of humour
  • Criminal record
  • Sports affiliation
  • Military background

All inclusive in a respectful way is what we strive to achieve at this Discord channel.

Discord Moderators can be personally messaged if you wish to voice a concern. However, we strongly encourage open discussion during “stuck” times in conversation in order to foster mutual respect. 
The right to delete comments, ban individuals and block chat members is reserved to Discord Moderators as follows:

James Edgar Skye
Grounds For Clarity 

If you have any questions please contact me or leave comments below. This separate from our weekly Saturday discussions that we will be hosting on Zoom.

Always Keep Fighting

Photo by Rad Pozniakov on Unsplash

Returning to Life After Quarantine: An Anxiety Story

Before COVID-19 I already had a tough time getting out of my house. I had been trying to be more social and do things with other humans that weren’t family or my boyfriend. But then COVID changed everything.

I was so excited that I got to stay home for 95% percent of my week. I have been working from home since late March so the anxiety of interacting with my coworkers has been tossed out the window. I haven’t had to put together a real outfit or do a full face of makeup in months.

Now that things are sort of going back to normal, I’m terrified. I have had multiple anxiety attacks thinking about returning to the office. Over the past week I’ve had trouble eating which is a big signal to me that I’m really, really anxious. I usually don’t lose my appetite or have trouble eating if I’m feeling ok or am slightly anxious.

Depression is setting in with anxiety at the reigns. For me, depression makes me exhausted and I have no energy or motivation to do anything besides lay in bed or zone out on the couch watching people decorate ice cream cakes on TikTok. I have been struggling to find joy in the things that usually make me happy.

I sit back and wonder why it feels like I’m the only one dreading for life to go back to the way it once was. I feel like all of the progress I had made earlier this year (ok it wasn’t that much progress but progress is progress especially in mental health) has disappeared. I may have taken two steps forward but now I’m gone back two miles.

I have no specific reason to be anxious other than that I hate change. My brain can’t handle big changes, it takes me a while to re-center and get back on course.

I knew all of this was temporary going in to it but now that that time is nearly here, I’m scared.

I was supposed to begin next week going into the office full-time but I asked if I could stay home for longer which my boss agreed to. I feel a sense of relief but also guilt for not doing what I was told initially.

They are letting me transition back which I think will help me cope better than I would have with diving head first into it. But on the other hand, sometimes I need to be pushed into the deep end. More often than not if I dip my toes in, it can make things worse.

The weight of my anxiety and the return to “business as usual” feels so heavy on my shoulders. Some days I just want to let it collapse on top of me so I can rest.

During this time I want to really prepare myself so that I can get through the transition to my former life. I want to have an anxiety first aid kit that will include things that make me happy or can calm me down in a panic. I’m not sure what this will all entail but I’ll figure something out.

Please leave what you have in your mental health first aid kit in the comments! I would love to know!

How have you been dealing with returning back to normal life post-quarantine? Has your mental health improved or gotten worse? For those who have returned, what has been the most helpful?

Please stay safe everyone! Please wear a mask for the safety of yourself and others.

Why do I Feel Okay Being Alone?

Photo by Paul Garaizar on Unsplash

I have been ruminating on this subject for a time, and I am not sure I have a clear answer. I have never been into letting people into my life since my diagnosis. At first, it had a lot to do with the mental illness stigma, but even that is just an excuse. It is becoming one that hiding behind has never really gotten me anywhere.

Truthfully, there is a real fear in my life of letting people into my orbit for fear of making connections, and then people leaving. My life is far from where it was in 2007, but I still have ongoing issues that seem to show up too often in the daily grind that is my own life. There is a part of me that wants to be more open to letting people into my life as James the writer, which is easier to hide behind a persona, but into the life of David, who is always there because he is me.

In my retreat with Grounds for Clarity Thought Founder Kim Johnson, this came up, and it has been haunting me for weeks. I wrote about the retreat experience in the blog post “A Weekend That Changed My Life,” and it has helped me come to terms with the reality, but the practice has been harder to put into place. I avoid people with the best of them, and it is like self-sabotage because I fear that people getting too close means that I am open to people, if that makes sense. I tend to avoid confrontations and also intimacy just with friends because its easier. I struggle to be around people.

The most emotional core feeling was that I was not enough. Not enough to be happy. I was not enough to be with someone that loved me. That we only get one chance at true love and that I had been there, and did that once. It was holding me back. Every relationship since my life I compare to this unicorn idea. I felt that I was not worth anyone’s time at a level that allows people into my life. I needed to be alone.

From: A Weekend That Changed My Life
Photo by Ryan Holloway on Unsplash

If I could figure out precisely the core of my feelings, it would make life easier. I was sitting outside of my house at about midnight, looking up at the stars. A lot happened over the weekend that really got me off-kilter. I was worried about my dad and even had a thought that I might lose him. I could not deal with that, my dad is fine, but it got me thinking. Who do I have to turn to outside of this blog, and the people I have met on the discord channel I am a part of called Community Mental Health Discussions.I started off last week immensely depressed about the six month anniversary of my mom’s death, and I fell off the wagon.

I felt so alone in the world that I honestly thought that I was a burden looking up at those stars. It is not a great way of thinking, and it was not a permanent feeling, but if I am honest, the people in my life have their own lives. Perhaps it is time for me to step outside even more of my comfort zone. Meet people head-on. Connect with the people I am lucky enough that want to be in my life. As impossible as it may seem, I am capable of being a different person than I am now.

My soul is in pain, but as with everything in life, I feel that writing my thoughts is an important step, but things should change. If I am willing to take that step. I will be writing about this a few more times this week as I work through some of my personal hang-ups.

Always Keep Fighting

James

You can visit the author site of James Edgar Skye here.

Purchase The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir here.

Become a Patron of James Edgar Skye and be a part of his writing here: Become a Patron!

Featured Picture: Photo by Stefan Spassov on Unsplash

“Achieving a Goal is not the Only Way to Live a Worthy Life”

Since this quarantine has begun I have felt more pressure from myself to be productive. My depression and anxiety make me feel this way when life is normal but since I’m home almost all of the time, it’s been worse.

My mind has been saying, “Megan, you really should have cleaned the baseboards last month when you said you were going to” and “If you don’t go out and pull those weeds, your yard is going to look so ugly.”

When I get like this, I freeze. I feel so overwhelmed by all of the tasks and activities I “should” be doing that I end up doing nothing at all. I end up cuddling with my animals on the couch while watching YouTube videos.

I had been feeling guilty about how unproductive I’ve been over the last month when some words of wisdom came out of nowhere.

As I’ve stated in posts before, I love BTS and always watch whatever content they put out into the world. Recently the member Suga (aka Min Yoongi) went on the app V Live to answer questions from fans and update everyone with what he’s been up to since their tour has been canceled.

(V Live will add English subtitles to their live streams after a few hours)

I think a fan asked about how they could be more motivated to study or that they didn’t have a dream they were working towards, I can’t exactly remember the context. Suga replied, “achieving a goal is not the only way to live a worthy life.”

Those words touched my heart. I’ve told myself countless times that my value doesn’t come from my level of daily productivity but hearing those words from Suga meant a lot.

He is insanely talented and hard working, his fame didn’t happen overnight. So hearing from him, somebody I see as a productive person, that achieving a goal isn’t the only way to live a worthy life, it made me think that it’s ok to not be productive every moment of the day.

I wanted to share his words with you all in case you’ve been struggling with this as well. I hope that you are all staying safe and healthy in your mind, not just your physical self.

Not related:
Here’s a few songs that Suga wrote and performed that are excellent: “Shadow,” “Seesaw” and “Never mind.”

Depression While in Quarantine

I’ve been working from home for about a month now. As I hope many of you are, I am staying home about 95% of my weeks, the 5% is just to go out for groceries and pick up takeaway orders from some local restaurants.

Being home all of this time has made the voice of  my depression loud and critical. Because I have been depressed, I haven’t felt like doing anything besides laying around. I say to myself that I should do something, even just one thing, but often times that is a fleeting thought.

Depression tells me that during this time at home I should be productive. I should be exercising in some capacity twice a day because I have gained a little weight. I should be cleaning the house and doing home improvements that I have put off instead of playing The Sims 4. I should be posting on my makeup Instagram account or I will lose all of my followers I have worked so hard to get.

On Tuesday it peaked and I had a minor freak out. My boyfriend kept asking what was wrong, I would say nothing and he would reply, you’re lying. I was lying. Saying that nothing is wrong and that I’m ok is my most told lie.

I did open up though. It was hard to express myself in that moment. I’m a writer, I find it difficult to express myself in speech compared to writing it out.

He was supportive of me and said it was ok. That I don’t need to always be productive, that it’s ok to play The Sims.

I know that I would give the same advice to somebody else but I could never tell myself that.

This weekend I hope to get at least a couple things done to quell the demands of my depression. I hope when Saturday arrives I will have the motivation and strength to follow through.

How has your mental health been lately? Are you feeling things for intensely than you normally would or have you become numb to it all?

Sh*t.

I just posted this fantastic blurb about things really looking up and just like that, it’s gone.

Where do I even begin? It is a long drawn out bit but I am going to try to summarize. My mother lives with me and depends on me both physically and financially due to her being disabled. My grandparents split her costs with me because I am not making as much as I will be once I get a higher position since finishing my degree. My father pays spousal support to my mom which helps with bills. It is chump change at 2something a month.

In the past week: My sister gets furloughed and moves into our 500 square foot home with us because she can’t cover rent on unemployment with her other bills.

My father’s plant shuts down permanently and he is unable to send the spousal support.

My grandfather (and sole income for my grandparents aside from my grandmother’s SS) loses his job.

So I am the only one working. No pressure. Just over here holding myself in the fetal position. It is weird. The only personal negative I really saw to this pandemic was that I am losing any strides I was making in getting away from self isolating….but this is really about to test my mental health.