My Journey to Stability, Pt. 3

A circle of blurred faces surrounded me, all talking at once. The level of chaos outpaced my own mind and I struggled to keep track of what was going on. Drugged and intoxicated beyond capable cognition, the world began to slip away once again. In the mess of voices, the realization of my fragile state… Continue reading My Journey to Stability, Pt. 3

My First Time.

I have never been hospitalized before. I think that I am pretty good at hiding things, but I couldn’t hide this from myself. I knew there was something wrong. I wasn’t sleeping more than a couple hours, I was becoming emotionally abusive, and I was falling back into overspending. Mania. This isn’t the first time… Continue reading My First Time.

Too Close To Home

Okay, so I wasn’t going to write anything about the pandemic. However, I’m in the middle of a very personal experience with COVID-19. I knew I’d be a little bit paranoid about this virus – especially because I work with the public. I never imagined my fear would actually come true. I haven’t gotten my… Continue reading Too Close To Home

My No-Medication Journey to Emotional Health and Well-Being

Going on about 40 years ago, I was diagnosed as bipolar.  Today, I don’t know whether that diagnosis was correct or not because I’ve chosen to live my life the way I’m going to live it regardless. So in this post, I’m going to talk a little about my choices for medicating and not medicating. … Continue reading My No-Medication Journey to Emotional Health and Well-Being

Now I See

Yesterday, I received my very first pair of glasses. I didn’t realize how blind I was. I now see everything so differently. So crisp. So clear. It’s insane. I had no idea that I wasn’t seeing things clearly. And it reminded me of myself when I realized something was wrong with my brain. I have… Continue reading Now I See

Babbles: Bella’s Big Adventure: Two Sleeps

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I have two nights remaining, or two sleeps, that’s the way we used to count down the days until Christmas, by the number of sleeps.  I have two sleeps until I leave for treatment. My to do list is starting to get shorter.  The pile of things to pack is getting taller.  The exhaustion is… Continue reading Babbles: Bella’s Big Adventure: Two Sleeps

Babbles: Bella’s Big Adventure: The Home Stretch

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I leave for treatment on Thursday.  It seems to have come upon us quickly in that slow agonizing kind of way.  I am the kind of person that once I have my mind made up, I am set and I am ready.  When I have to wait it is pure agony for me. I know… Continue reading Babbles: Bella’s Big Adventure: The Home Stretch

Babbles: Bella’s Big Adventure: Perspective

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The days are passing quickly.  I suspect that it is due to being so busy.  However, I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water so to speak, only getting done the bare minimum and my head is swimming with what still needs to be done before I leave for my big adventure.… Continue reading Babbles: Bella’s Big Adventure: Perspective

Babbles: Bella’s Big Adventure

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In less than two weeks I am going on an adventure.  There could be lions, tigers, or bears (oh my!~)  It was suggested that I pack light and there was a whole list of what to bring, and an even longer list of what not to bring, and I am stressing over the whole packing… Continue reading Babbles: Bella’s Big Adventure

What Anger Is To Me

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Please don’t tell me that a smile and your sorrow just don’t go together. I would not look upon my anger as something foreign to me that I have to fight. I have to deal with my anger with care, with love, with tenderness, and with non-violence. When I get angry, I have to produce… Continue reading What Anger Is To Me