My First Time.

I have never been hospitalized before. I think that I am pretty good at hiding things, but I couldn’t hide this from myself. I knew there was something wrong. I wasn’t sleeping more than a couple hours, I was becoming emotionally abusive, and I was falling back into overspending. Mania. This isn’t the first time… Continue reading My First Time.

Why a Mental Illness is a Big Deal

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I’ve been depressing for awhile now -as in, dealing with Depression. I’ve also entertained its close friend, Anxiety; plus a few hangers-on like Disassociation, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and Social Phobias. I didn’t even know those existed till they walked off with some of my mental furniture. Once I’m back to staring at the cracked ceiling of… Continue reading Why a Mental Illness is a Big Deal

Week Three of Life Coaching

What separates Kim from other life coaches, in my personal opinion, is that she gives it to me straight, no bull, and she told me the truth that I needed to hear, I didn’t have to keep digging down to roots for weeks. It was up to me, I have the choice, and I make the decisions (really we don’t truly make the decision.) My ego was not allowing me charity, but Kim came up with something else. If I didn’t deal with it, the situation would keep coming up if I can’t commit. If it was no, then accept and move on.

Thirty.

30. Thirty. The big 3-0. I want to mark this time. (peep that pic of me celebrating graduation in late May) If you would have asked 20 year old me what the next 10 years held…she would have thought that it sounded scary and wonderful, but it could never be her. She blamed everyone for… Continue reading Thirty.

A Small but Certain Happiness

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The other day I scrolling the internet (ok, I’ll be honest it was Weverse) when I came across a sentence that has stuck with me. I’ll give some context. The author was talking about how lately he has been drinking plum juice, something his mother used to make him as a child. He said, “I… Continue reading A Small but Certain Happiness

The Best of Me

“You gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you,” are the lyrics to “Magic Shop” by Korean pop group BTS. I have been listening to this song over and over because I keep thinking about these words. Sure, it’s not the most eloquent phrasing but I think that they… Continue reading The Best of Me

7 Ways I Changed from Hunting the Good Stuff

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I spent some time in the Arizona Army National Guard. They had started a program called Master Resiliency Training (MRT). Arizona had one of the highest suicide rates among soldiers. They sanctioned this program to help soldiers “overcome adversity.” The Psychology Department of the University of Philadelphia created the program. After a few years I… Continue reading 7 Ways I Changed from Hunting the Good Stuff

Bella’s Babbles: Mosaics and Life

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This morning, I am sitting on the couch with one cat on each side of me.  Both are stretched out and resembling potatoes (they are orange tabbies).  Every so often my girl cat, Charlee Mae, will lift her head, turn it around and meow at me.  I haven’t a clue why.  Is my typing too… Continue reading Bella’s Babbles: Mosaics and Life

My mother.

With the news of James’ mom’s recent passing, I find myself reflecting on my own parent/child relationship. How lucky am I to have her, and how much I feel for James. Please consider donating here to his family’s gofundme to help with expenses. I know that this place that he has created has helped me… Continue reading My mother.

Reflecting.

Mental illness can be exhausting. I feel that this past two years have been a whirlwind of emotion and change. Both fast and slow at the same time. Depressive episodes have made the days drag and falling into the pits of despair made them almost unbearable. Stable moods made days of adventure seem like flashes… Continue reading Reflecting.