In this post I’m not going to get into any depth of what’s going on in America. This is how the events of this past week have effected my mental health. Please don’t leave any hateful comments. Keep this space safe and beautiful! These past few days have been weighing very heavy on my heart.… Continue reading Being Gentle with Myself
What happens when you beat to the tune of a different drum? What happens when all that you think and all that you do was changed in one moment in time? What happens when its not just that moment, but all the moments that led up to this moment that you only just now put… Continue reading Spend a WHOLE day on the Couch with ME
I have never been hospitalized before. I think that I am pretty good at hiding things, but I couldn’t hide this from myself. I knew there was something wrong. I wasn’t sleeping more than a couple hours, I was becoming emotionally abusive, and I was falling back into overspending. Mania. This isn’t the first time… Continue reading My First Time.
I decided to let it go. The idea that I had to have a bad day. I felt the feels. When I needed to cry, I did, and it was empowering. I ran three miles on the treadmill while listening to Forsythia, and it just flowed. I didn’t set a goal like “I need to run three miles to be happy today.” I instead ran three miles because every moment I was in the present moment of the treadmill and the podcast.
I never thought I would lose my mother the way that it happened—the suddenness and having to continue to finish graduate school and keep myself from allowing the feelings in. I was hiding my pain, and it was growing into the monster thing that was hidden away in my mind. It wanted to be let go.
I have been trying to find the words about how I feel about my mania. All I can think is that I am grateful. There are a lot of ways that mania manifests. Every single person experiences something different, hence the adventure in finding your perfect medication cocktail. So I put myself in debt that… Continue reading Mindful.
**This post discusses the use of marijuana. Please do not read if you are triggered by discussions about drug use. I am not a medical professional and the below information should not replace treatment by a licensed health care provider. I also live in a state (Arizona) that has legalized medicinal marijuana. I am a… Continue reading Pot.
In my eyes, meditation is just a time to clear the mind, reflect, and manifest positive things. I do not feel comfortable in summoning spirits. I simply want another way to grow as a person while still maintaining my Christian faith. I have some form of stemming where I consistently rub my hands. It is… Continue reading Confusion.
30. Thirty. The big 3-0. I want to mark this time. (peep that pic of me celebrating graduation in late May) If you would have asked 20 year old me what the next 10 years held…she would have thought that it sounded scary and wonderful, but it could never be her. She blamed everyone for… Continue reading Thirty.
( written on Lockdown DAY 70 in South Africa , 10 weeks in ) Don’t do it. Kick the kitchen cupboard. It hurts. I know because I’ve done it a few times during the past two weeks. You can safely say that emotionally I am now crazily swiveling between ANGER and SADNESS if you look… Continue reading Kicked The Kitchen Cupboard Yet?