Confusion.

In my eyes, meditation is just a time to clear the mind, reflect, and manifest positive things. I do not feel comfortable in summoning spirits. I simply want another way to grow as a person while still maintaining my Christian faith. I have some form of stemming where I consistently rub my hands. It is starting to wear on my skin and it was suggested I look into a worry stone. During that time, I saw and read about healing Crystals. They say that you program them with affirmations to hold during meditation, or to place your intentions into. Again, I feel strongly about my religious beliefs at this time, but what can some positive thinking or speaking do? I have just been struggling with this. I really am interested in trying something holistic. I was inspired when my psych doc suggested lavender capsules to help ease my anxiety. It is like day and night. Amazing. I have never been into vitamins and what not. WOW. I guess I am hoping to find more ways to cope with my anxieties. I am doing therapy, taking medications, and writing. I am worried that it goes against the Bible.

This has always been a determent of mine from the Bible. I felt as though I was going to have to alter my whole life to conform. It hasn’t been like that at all. I honestly haven’t changed anything much physically. Emotionally on the other hand…I just don’t want to sacrifice an opportunity to learn about an alternative belief system. That is how I came to the Bible….I had to open my mind to learning.

I would love thoughts on this. Can both “spiritual beliefs” co-exist?

I am an open book. I don’t feel as though we can’t debate the existence of high powers. In my eyes, in a discussion and debate, I am able to provide education on my beliefs. It is a time to discuss, learn, and grow. If you do not feel as though you can do this, kindly bow out of the discussion, as will I. So much love and positive thoughts and intentions to every single one of you.

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Clarity.

This is a two part post: The next part is scheduled to be posted tomorrow.

I want to start off by saying that I voluntarily see my psych doc weekly because I need a lot of accountability regarding my medication. It is a personal choice and in no way does it reflect my dedication to my mental health. I also have a therapist that I see biweekly. I am in no way manic and this is not a manic episode and it is not religious mania. I have been on a spiritual exploration for a few years now.

I always said that I was an atheist, and then I realized what an atheist is and I am not that. Then I said I was agnostic. I told people that I am too selfish to sit and learn about a particular faith to claim one. People really respected that and I meant it, but I wasn’t agnostic. I believed in a God, I just didn’t know which one. I prayed to a God. My God. It didn’t matter. I knew that I had no true control in my life. I wasn’t an accident. The world is bigger than me.

Then I started finding myself longing to be like a lot of people who emulate Jesus. I wanted something to be passionate about and to continue learning about. I wanted a higher power that I could name and a way to get to know Him. I turned to the Bible. Turns out it is literally thousands of pages. Where would I start? Would I understand it? Will it capture my attention or overwhelm me and I quit?

I tried a few bible studies and I completed maybe 3 of them. I tried and quit several. I really wanted a starting point, a place to get a foundation for the rest of my learning. I joined a small group so I could dive into the Bible and its meaning with an intimate group. It was amazing, and then I felt called out about being the only single person in the room. I didn’t go back. Then I started googling “what the Bible had to say about….” and reading from there.

I was having a really tough time with my sister. We were going back and forth about everything it seemed. Who is cleaning more, who is chipping in more, you name it. It was causing a huge rift. we smoothed it over but I still feel this tension in the air. Like she is waiting for the shoe to drop. It is familiar because that is how I felt when I had to move back in with them. It is strange to be on the other side and needing to forgive. This is the first time it occurred to me to turn to the Bible first. So I googled, “the Bible and forgiveness” and “biblical stories about forgiveness”. It returned wonderful scripture. I then wrote some of it down. Once I reviewed what I had found, I picked out some of my favorites. I noticed a lot of them were from the book of Matthew. I found myself emerged in this story that finally told me the ins and outs of how Jesus came to be. It has all kinda tumbled from there. I think I pick up my bible at least every other day now. I still am not completely independent. I still reach for the internet for a starting point, but I still read from there. I just feel better. I feel like I am in love with learning and also seeking comfort and guidance. It really calms me. I started to wonder if maybe that calm can be obtained through meditation and manifestation. I believe in manifestation. Maybe it is the positivity that it exudes or the feeling of influence it provides. Either way it feels like I accomplished something.

So I started looking into meditation and homeopathic ways of treatments or guidance.

(continued in next post)

2019

2019 has been a year of growth and challenges.

But I can never blame myself for wanting to live.

Everything is teaching me something.
As long as I’m open and willing to learn.

Everyone comes into this world being enough. I am enough. 💫

Here is to 2020.

Thank you for being with me.
Angel Love and Blessings.

Love, Francesca.

What are Your Worst Mental Illness Symptoms

I feel better. My depression lessened over the weekend, and I have a good feeling about where the rest of February will go when it comes to the depressive episode being entirely over.

I have not felt this good since the first week of January. While thinking about what to write this week on my blog I came up with a question that I want to pose to the followers and contributors of The Bipolar Writer blog. Just a couple of questions.

Identify what you struggle with…

What are your worst symptoms?

How do you dea?

Feel free to leave your comments down below! Let us use this as a stepping stone to something great. Maybe it will inspire you to write a blog post!

Always Keep Fighting

James

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The Bipolar Writer Needs Help… Again

https://www.gofundme.com/rasing-to-upgrade-the-bipolar-writer-blog

This is my GoFundMe under my real name David TC (I wasn’t sure if I could get the funds if I used my Pen Name James Edgar Skye.) Thank you in advance for donating!

So, my goal is $300. The cost to upgrade. If 100 people donate 3 dollars, I can reach my goal quickly (the donation button is below through PayPal.) I am going to try and keep this post going all weekend in hopes that I reach my goal. Please, if you can help it would be amazing, and if you can’t, I understand. I haven’t done one of these in a while, so here it goes!

If you can’t donate please reblog this post or share my GoFundMe link above, it would mean the world to me!

You Can Also Donate Below!

Just Click the Pay with PayPal button!

Upgrading The Bipolar Writer Blog

My goal is $300. The cost to upgrade The Bipolar Writer blog to the business level. I am going to try and keep this post going all weekend in hopes that I reach my goal. Please, if you can help it would be amazing, and if you can't, I understand. I haven't done one of these in a while, so here it goes!

$3.00

Always Keep Fighting & Thank You

James

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Music That Changes My Mood – Part Ten

I had a really good day. I finished all my school work except for a small couple of things and I feel good regardless of being sick. I finished two quizzes which I aced both, one for Literature and one for Statistics. So I thought why not add another blog post to the series “Music That Changes my Mood.” 

Earlier I wrote a piece on Mental Health Stigmas. You can find all the other music posts in the series here.

Music That Changes my Mood – Christian Gospel Part Two

No stories to occupy the music, just good Christian Gospel music.

DC Talk – Colored People

Natalie Grant – Clean

Big Daddy Weave – The Lion And The Lamb

Newsboys – He Reigns

Danny Gokey – Tell Your Heart to Beat Again

Lauren Daigle – Trust In You

TobyMac – Love Broke Thru

Jason Gray – Sparrows

Well, that’s it for this addition of Music That Changes my Mood. I hope you enjoyed the music.

J.E. Skye

Photo Credit:

unsplash-logoJason Betz

Music That Changes my Mood – Part Nine

I was asked yesterday to add some different music to my series ” Music that Changes my Mood.” I have featured songs that are mostly rock and pop (leaning heavy at times on K-pop.) Like I said in my first ever post my music is vast and its any genre. I do listen to Gospel music. I grew up on Christian Gospel music.

When I was asked to add some uplifting Christian Gospel music I thought, I really like that idea. Music is pretty amazing in every genre. At different times in my life my music taste changes. But I will always remember my favorites no matter the genre. So here is blend of Christian music from my childhood to now. Enjoy.

You can find the complete series here. 

I also wrote a new feature article here.

This post came at a fortuitous time since the subject matter fits the article.

Music That Changes my Mood – Christian Gospel Part One

Point of Grace – Keep the Candle Burning

This song brings me back to my childhood and riding in the car as the kid after church with my mom. It’s an amazing song and there are many songs from Point of Grace that is all I can say are simply amazing.

Love and the Outcome – The God I Know

I found this song I think last year while perusing K-LOVE radio (Its the only radio station I will listen to in my car when the rare occasion I am not on iTunes music. Since then most of Love & the Outcome’s music will always be one of going to musicians.

DC Talk – Just Between You And Me

This song is from DC Talk’s Album Jesus Freak. It was the first album I ever bought for myself. My sister introduced me to DC Talk and I have seen them live at Spirit West Coast a few times. This song got me through so much depression as a teen. It’s a song that gets you on the right path with God through honesty.

Audio Adrenaline – Never Gonna Be As Big As Jesus

Audio Adrenaline. Another Christian Rock group from my early years. This song pretty much speaks for itself. I am sure in this series there will be many AA songs on my list.

Mandisa – Overcomer

If you need a song that is just uplifting to get you through a hard day, look no further than Mandisa’s Overcomer. I love this song when I am losing faith in my writing.

Laura Story – Perfect Peace

This song by Laura Story is amazing, just listen to the words. I couldn’t find a good video but I liked this one because it’s visually pleasing. If you haven’t heard her music please do, she is an amazing Christian Gospel artist.

Jonny Diaz – Breathe

If life is moving too fast and you are feeling anxious listen to Breathe by Jonny Diaz. It will bring you back to your center. This song is high on my list of songs when I am anxious. Just breathe.

I wanted to end this post with a really good song that I love. It’s Matthew West’s Day One. This song is just wow. When I found this song it was as if God was speaking to me. It brought me back to my faith. I had given up on my faith for a long time before I found it again a few years ago. This song brought me back to God when I was living in the past. It means the world to me to share what this song means. It’s a great song. It inspired me to pick up my writing again. This song is why I felt good enough to write my blog. Granted it took me awhile, but it this song that changed me.

Matthew West – Day One

Well That’s it for this edition Music that Changes my Mood. This has been really great to share.

Always Keep Fighting.

J.E. Skye

Photo credit:

unsplash-logoEdward Cisneros