Where is my Christmas Spirit?

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Christmas is my favorite holiday, it always has been. I look forward to the holiday season all year long. It’s always the highlight of my year. But now, I can’t seem to get into the Christmas mood. I’m doing all of the things I normally do to enjoy the holiday season except they aren’t making… Continue reading Where is my Christmas Spirit?

Fate

And such indescribable and sublime loneliness. I wanted to protect you from fate. The fate that carries you away further and further… Let us rebuild a healthy state of mind. Sending you angel love and blessings. Love, Francesca.

I Want to Connect with You

Back to the situation, I had a suicide plan in place, and I will not make excuses for the why, but say I was in unbearable pain, and my natural default was to turn to the one place I never thought I would go, again–suicide. Life is the way it is, and I talked myself out of the plan and reached out to someone that put me on a safety plan after a day.

My Heart is Heavy

My heart feels so heavy in my chest. It weighs so much I feel like it will drop to my feet by the start of next week. I’m not sure if second hand trauma is a real term or not but I think it’s what I’m experiencing. **I am going to be talking about suicide… Continue reading My Heart is Heavy

Spend a WHOLE day on the Couch with ME

What happens when you beat to the tune of a different drum? What happens when all that you think and all that you do was changed in one moment in time? What happens when its not just that moment, but all the moments that led up to this moment that you only just now put… Continue reading Spend a WHOLE day on the Couch with ME

NEED

Need The universe playes a trick on usIt makes us loveAnd love makes us needy So we bend and fold and adapt and changeOh, to satisfy our needTo be lovedTo be seenBeyond the skin Beyond the acceptable ways to beTo be seenAnd heardAnd understood for onceTreated softlyTaken care ofLike we are worthyLike we are goldAnd… Continue reading NEED

Too Many Excuses.

I love writing. I write lists as a comfort, and my thoughts as an outlet. Sometimes, I get hung up on others opinions of my writing. Opinions I shouldn’t worry about. I write for me. Most of it doesn’t make sense but it feels right.When I freeze while trying to consider opinions I haven’t heard… Continue reading Too Many Excuses.

My Journey to Stability, Pt. 3

A circle of blurred faces surrounded me, all talking at once. The level of chaos outpaced my own mind and I struggled to keep track of what was going on. Drugged and intoxicated beyond capable cognition, the world began to slip away once again. In the mess of voices, the realization of my fragile state… Continue reading My Journey to Stability, Pt. 3

LEAVE ME ALONE

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Stop saying”Turn your face towards the sun and let the shadows fall behind” It doesn’t work that way Stop saying”Everything happens for a reason” It doesn’t Stop saying”Time heals all wounds” Time does no such thing Stop telling me that life is not fair I’ve known this since birth Stop telling me to “let it… Continue reading LEAVE ME ALONE

My First Time.

I have never been hospitalized before. I think that I am pretty good at hiding things, but I couldn’t hide this from myself. I knew there was something wrong. I wasn’t sleeping more than a couple hours, I was becoming emotionally abusive, and I was falling back into overspending. Mania. This isn’t the first time… Continue reading My First Time.