Well… it’s been a while since I’ve shared one of my poems with you. It can be a different sort of raw/openness to share these with the public, a very different way than I feel like most of my blogs are. With my blogs, I do my best to take my life and write it as though I’m telling someone the story of my life, vs. feeling like my blog is a journal. Yet, when I post my poetry, it feels like I am sharing with you a secret page from my personal diary. I hope you enjoy.
Please understand while reading, that this is a bit of a terrifying post for me. Other than those who watched it all happen, not many now know that this was a part of my life, and now I’ve decided to tell my story in hopes to find the relief that my other posts have brought me. A few months back I wrote about Relationships and C-PTSD, and in there I mentioned quite a bit about the fact that I was in a very unhealthy relationship on and off for nine years. For most of this time, my brain was in war with itself over the good vs. the bad of the relationship. Should I stay, should I go? Should I forgive him, should I hate him? A lot of back and forth. But due to his manipulation and my mental health and lack of self-esteem; I’d always go back. Until I didn’t. After that, so much started to change.
I’m not sure which to blame this on, GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) or the social anxiety, but one of those has caused me some problems! This has been going on for as long as I can remember. Anxiety decides to abuse its’ power and control my mouth. What do I mean by that, you might be asking? Or maybe you’re not, but still. I have this tendency to have the urge to say something, and yet my mouth stays clamped shut and my vocal chords go into hiding.Continue reading
Self-talk can be a great thing. It can build you up or calm you down when you need it. It can be very awkward at first, but once the skill is learned at set, it can come in handy. I wrote a while back about My Med Journey, and in there at the end I mentioned I’d be doing a follow up on self-care. I did a post on my blog about how I self-care, and this is sort of a “follow-up” on both of these.
There has been plenty of times in the past couple years that I’ve been writing my blog that I’ve considered stopping, that I felt I was out of stories, I get writer’s block, and that would be it. Over the weekend, I spent quite a bit of time thinking about (and talking about) how and why I started my blog- and why I stay with it.
I have written a few posts for this blog so far, but have realized that I never took the time to properly introduce myself before immediately diving in with my content! So I thought I’d take a moment to tell you a little bit about myself!Continue reading
Almost 6 months ago, I lost the most important man in my life, my father. We were very close, and it absolutely wrecked me to lose him. I did write about this in this post, and wrote this poem while thinking about the last two days of his life. Today’s poem is for all my unanswered questions.
I will start off this post with letting you know that I did partially (mostly?) tell this story on my blog, but more-so discussing my PMDD journey. I’m going to go a bit more in depth here as to my trials of medication and why, for the most part, I am medication free. I also want to add a disclaimer that I feel is necessary: I am in no way a doctor or anything of the sort. This is such a personal decision, knowing what works and what doesn’t is a journey that most of us in the mental health world end up in, and just because something worked for me does not mean it’ll work for everyone. I did things in a very unhealthy way, and I learned my lesson, so please do not follow my examples.
I’ve written two poems on my personal blog, you can find them here and here. I used to write a LOT of (terrible) poetry back in middle school/high school days. It was a way of venting and basically shouting to the world “I HAVE DEPRESSION” but I hid them in my notebooks, never to see the light of day. I read a little of my old high school poetry and it sparked me back into writing. I’m a little rusty, but here’s the third poem I created recently.
I recently posted on my blog about my “diagnoses” of HSP & C-PTSD, and how I learned of them. In that post, I mentioned that learning of these two things is oddly what made my life easier. If you haven’t read the original post, I do highly suggest it. I also have separate posts on my definitions of C-PTSD and HSP.Continue reading