Depression Poetry: A Retrospective

/ James Edgar Skye

I wrote this poem on April 3, 2015. I was in a dark place. I was close to suicide for the first time since 2010. I had been mourning my grandfather and my life was in a bad place. I was in the depression cycle that started in the summer of 2014 and didn’t end until the summer of 2015. I haven’t had a depression cycle quite as long as this cycle.

This poem is one of my more darker free thought poems. I just wrote what I was feeling.

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My Darkest Depression

I know it has been a long while…
I have been lost.
Depressed.
And even tittering on the edges of suicidal thoughts.

It has really just been that way.
I am so afraid.
So afraid of what could happen.
What might happen?
The truth?
I am going down a road that I may never come back from again.
It scares me to death.
I know the signs and yet here I am.
Afraid.
I am really just a mess so much lately.
Most nights I really want to cry.

So I cry myself to sleep.
Wishing.
Wishing that I don’t wake the next day.
Yet, here I am.
Awake again. Another day. More struggles.
I often think that God hates me.
That I hate myself so much that God has given up on me.
Let’s face it, I would give up on me.
It is a wonder that no one wants anything to do with me.

Is there something I can do, probably not.
My life is this mess, the mess I created.
The Chaos.

It’s not gonna change—I tell myself that every night.
It has become me, my past is present. It might be my future.
What does all this mean anymore?
I continue to perish in the darkness. Forever.
Darkness, my best friend, and worst enemy.
Depression my familiar companion, you never leave me.

by James Edgar Skye

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

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188 thoughts on “Depression Poetry: A Retrospective”

  3. This really hurt to read to be honest. This is exactly what my depression feels like. The worst part is when you feel like you are getting better but a certain trigger reminds you of how broken you really are. This story resonates with me so deeply. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story through this thought provoking poem. I hope things have been getting better for you since you wrote this.

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  4. It definitely shows. I really enjoyed looking through your website briefly and seeing how you managed everything. I’ve been getting therapy as well and it’s been a process. Far from over but I know it’s better than trying to fight depression and anxiety alone.

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    • I’m fairly new to WordPress and blogging – unfortunately not to bipolar, I have cyclothalmia. Jame’s blog and experiences resonate powerfully, as you say, and are very helpful to others, therapeutic in themselves. I’m trying to get a feel for whether there is any kind of networking, any kind of focusing anywhere in the blogosphere that addresses and employs the medium as therapy, or if it’s all individual. If you have time, I’d really appreciate any thoughts you have in this area. Stephen

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  6. Glad to know you’re an overcomer! Way to be a voice and sharing so as to help others… God does love you James!! HE brought you through to help others too…
    suicidenotmyheart.wordpress.com

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  11. Hi James – just put a similar comment on one of your replies.
    I’m fairly new to WordPress and blogging – unfortunately not to bipolar, I have cyclothalmia. your blog and experiences resonate powerfully, therapeutic in themselves. I’m trying to get a feel for whether there is any kind of networking, any kind of focusing anywhere in the blogosphere that addresses and employs the medium as therapy, or if it’s all individual like yours. If you have time, I’d really appreciate any thoughts you have in this area. Stephen

    Liked by 1 person

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      • Thanks, James, appreciate that. Found a few blogs that refer to poetry/writing/blogging as therapy but nothing yet that addresses the subject directly. I think yours has the most gravity in that respect – maybe the oblique approach is the best. Thanks, anyway, great work, huge effort – much appreciated. Stephen

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  20. Really well expressed James. Depression is something that is so hard to explain to others – it is such a personal and dark feeling, which makes it so difficult to put into words. I try to think about ‘riding the waves’ to remind myself that it’s important to stay afloat and to keep moving … and who knows where the waves will take you.

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  21. As someone who was diagnosed this year (my first year of university), I wanted to thank you for sharing such a painful moment. It’s so helpful to know that other people get it and to see you make something so awful into such beautiful art.

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    • Thank you for your kind words. I never thought I’d get so much positive feedback from my poetry. I am not a great poet by any stretch of the imagination but I know the raw power of writing real life.

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  25. Damn! That’s a tough place to be. It brings back memories for me. Suicidal thoughts. Sadness. Hopelessness. Eternity. It all feels like a dream now, thank God.

    You did well documenting your feellings. Your mind is sharp. That is a blessing my Bipolar mind does not share. Your experience is our experience. You are our voice. Keep writing, my friend, Your words are important.

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  26. Depression sucks. And fighting it is exhausting but fortunately it comes and goes. It may never stay gone but it does get better. Keep fighting. Keep writing. And keep sharing. You’re not alone 🙂

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  27. Thank you for sharing theses raw emotions. They make me feel not so isolated. You are truly an inspiration to those who battle these emotions daily, such as I. Sometime’s (most of the time) we have no outlet because those who we think love us do not know the severity of it and they think we can just “get over it”. It’s just not that easy.

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  28. How do we donate? I love it when people want to go after their passion. I am also a self publisher. I have just finished my second book and it is on sale on Amazon and I am working on my third book. So best of luck to you and your new jouney! XOXO Christina!

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  34. Truly captivating, what a beautiful piece, and you were able to deliver it so well into a tangible form for us all to comprehend how it could be suffering from depression. I think in life we all face some sort of depression on different scales and it is so important for it to be highlighted in its truest form so that people do not feel alone or as though they are going through it alone. Thank you for laying bare to the world 👌🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

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