Sobriety and Suicide My January 2021

Photo by Nathan McBride on Unsplash

It feels so good to be writing again about my experiences as I continue to navigate this mental illness life. It was a struggle in January of 2021, and I have to say I have come out stronger, but there are still lingering effects.

As of writing this blog post, I am now thirty-three days into my recommitment to my sobriety. That is huge, considering I lost five years in 2020. After the loss to my mom, it was easier to turn to alcohol, but I know she would have wanted me to get back on track with my sobriety.

I have gone through a lot in 2021, including feeling suicidal and coming up with another suicide plan that I considered following through at the end of January. I was able to reach out once again to someone I trust and develop a safety plan once again which has been in place for a few days. I was very depressed, though I got a lot down with scheduling podcast episodes, doing interviews, working on projects, and creating podcast episodes. I am still struggling with several things at once. There is the stress which is leading to high blood pressure, and of course, the issues with my teeth that are stress related. I will be lucky to stay healthy in 2021, but I know I need to work on stress triggers as I continue on into February and beyond.

With my stress comes issues, including more depression or the coming back of my dark passenger and issues with my past. I am still dealing with the fantastic part of my recent stint in working with a life coach for four months in 2020. It allowed emotions back into my life and being vulnerable, but with some unintended consequences like doors I thought I shut long ago. The most telling was when I was a kid and what happened to me when I was four years old. At the end of 2019, before my therapist moved on, I began to put together the very fragmented memories. I have been trying to keep these memories shut away for as long as I can remember. In 2007, when my diagnosis became Bipolar One, I vowed to close that door and never open it again.

Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash

The thing about my memories of that time is that I was so young, and I can feel how traumatizing it can be now to recount even the fragments. My dark passenger came from that time. It has grown with me over the years. My dark passenger has controlled me so much where I am still dealing with the fallout, and something has to change. I have begun a written journal of what I can remember, a recommendation from my life coach, and forcing myself to remember as much as I can about that time. 

One of the things that my life coach recommended is to reach out to those with childhood trauma of any kind. Perhaps, we can get to my fragmented memories and begin to piece them together again. Please comment or reach out of you can help. That’s my hope for now, and perhaps I need life coaching in this one area because I am tired of my dark passenger having control of my life. 

What’s next? I need to find balance in the work I do and my mental health. I am planting seeds in my life, so I am more efficient with my money when it comes to getting out of the poverty lifestyle mindset that comes with being a struggling up and coming writer. Life always finds a way, and if I live in the now, in these moments as they come to me, and not the future, I am sure the universe will help me on my path, whatever that might be for me.

Stay strong in the fight for better mental health, and check out my podcast below when you have a moment. Or look up The Bipolar Writer Podcast on Apple Podcast or Spotify and other places that you listen to podcasts. Help me share others’ stories in the mental illness community by becoming a supporter of my mental health by buying me a coffee button on this page.

The Bipolar Writer Podcast: What's Going On? Why I've Been Missing The Bipolar Writer Podcast

Episode description This is a catch-up episode of where James is right now as we head towards the end of June 2021. Catch up with James and learn the new journey he has been on over the year.  If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks If you are looking for all things James Edgar Skye, you can find his social media visiting https://linqapp.com/james_skye The Bipolar Writer Podcast is listener-supported, and for as little as $5 a month, you can help support the mental health advocacy that I do by visiting http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesedgarskye. Please help this podcast grow by sharing with friends or anyone that you think will benefit from the experiences of others and myself. You can also find me on the following websites. You can also find me on the following websites to book your interview, ask questions, and reach out to me. http://www.jamesedgarskye.me Purchase my books at: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jamesedgarskye22/support
  1. The Bipolar Writer Podcast: What's Going On? Why I've Been Missing
  2. The Energy Leadership Index (ELI) Assessment
  3. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Alaina
  4. The Bipolar Writer Podcast Interview with Colleen
  5. Bullying and Mental Health

Always Keep Fighting.

What is the worst that can happen?

James Edgar Skye

Visit my author website at http://www.jamesedgarskye.me

Purchase my Memoir and Novella here: https://www.jamesedgarskye.me/jamesedgarskyebooks

For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.

Photo by Medina Spahić on Unsplash

16 thoughts on “Sobriety and Suicide My January 2021

  1. Wow, James. What an amazing read. It was real and raw. Congrats on your continued sobriety. It is worth it. I also suffered childhood trauma, and you can read about it on my blog. If you want to start emailing back and forth, you are welcome to email me. You’ve got this!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. The awakening of consciousness is bringing light to areas that need healing. It’s not going to stop since light is transforming the earth and all its inhabitants. These days are challenging us to grow like seeds emerging out of the dirt. I too was suicidal, toward the end of December things became dark and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, my intuition finally told me what to do. That was just the beginning, I’ve been through hell but I know it’s going to get better. Death is an illusion, brother, the problems will not going away by pulling the plug. Blessings and love.

    Liked by 2 people

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