12:15 am
by James Edgar Skye
It’s 12:15 am, I am in a dark room
my mind racing and
the panic is rising out of nowhere.
Shallow and slow,
I can’t catch my breath.
It happens, every night, this night— the next.
Restlessness. A feeling of unease.
“I can’t do this,” I think.
A tingling feeling engulfs my hands,
numbness consumes my body.
I pace, take a drink of water—
then begin to pace again.
I must stay inside, “no— I can’t.”
I must go outside, “no— you can’t.”
“Fight this feeling! Please!” A different part says.
“You will never win this fight,” the anxiety answers.
My mind races faster this time, I’m running out of breath.
Helplessness, I am no longer in control of my body.
I overthink. “I am going to die!”
“Please stop! You must fight,” my heart and brain say.
Then again, I over think! And again.
My mind overthinks, “is this my life?”
I feel as if I am under water trying to catch my breath,
to be the person I was before I started to drown.
Sleep, it would be divine. I reach
for this tiny white pill. It is in my hand.
My salvation.
God, I want to sleep
so much to do tomorrow.
The weight of my school obligations crush me.
Finally, in control— again.
Anxiety, why do you control me so?
It’s over for now, but
tomorrow is another day.
Another 12:15 am.
Always Keep Fighting.
What is the worse that can happen?
James Edgar Skye
For everything James Edgar Skye use the QR code below Or use this link.
Photo Credit: unsplash-logoCristofer Jeschke
The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog 
I’m so sorry that you go through this everyday. I can only imagine what triggers these episodes… have you tried meditation? (You probably have, as I think I’ve read one of your blog posts about it, but I just wanted to ask anyway).
LikeLiked by 2 people
I do. My social anxiety is getting better. Meditation at night seems to help expel some of these feelings. This poem reflects the journey I have been on with my anxiety.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Well, I love it. I hope you continue to grow and love yourself. I’ve been struggling with a lot of self doubt lately, which may or may not be similar to your situation. Anyway, I feel you and I’m listening!!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you. I still struggle with self doubt some days as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like how you use “no— I can’t” vs. “no— you can’t” to portray the feeling of not being in control of yourself. It rings so true.
LikeLiked by 3 people
That’s my least favorite part of anxiety, the loss of control is the worst.
LikeLiked by 1 person
‘Tomorrow is another day’ it is! Thank God for that. I hear it gets better, it will! You’re doing the best you can James, that’s all you can do. 😊🙏🏽
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you! It’s a fight, but I am fighting.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You truly are. And you aren’t alone, we are all fighting something, everyday, but we’re getting through it – that’s all that matters. 🙂
LikeLiked by 3 people
Amen to that.
LikeLiked by 2 people
so sorry for the bad night. Hope the next is much better
LikeLiked by 2 people
wow! james, you are an amazing writer, I hope you realise that! brilliant so raw and sooo real! xoxo
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you that means a lot.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lovely poem James. ❤️✌️
BY FOR NOW
LikeLike
i can relate entirely. that breaks my heart. try yoga in the morning and/or at night, along with meditation. also, try lavendar drops on your pillows. burn lavendar incense. get a Himalayan salt lamp and keep that on whilst you try to sleep. these are all small things that i’ve noticed are gradually helping me with my anxiety so i feel it is my duty to share them with you. an anxiety attack is the last thing we need when we end the day and go to our beds to feel peace. you do not deserve this and neither do i. we shall get through this.
LikeLike
What a lovely heart felt poem, so real a raw! I’m sorry you are struggling, you’re always welcome to reach out and message me if you need a new face to talk to. Thank you for sharing x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi, I can really relate to your poem. Just wanted to say, good on you for getting to that place where your starting to control it. It has inspired me to work hard with mine..
LikeLiked by 2 people
I am happy to hear that, it wasn’t always easy to get here but the journey was worth it.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you for writing about it
LikeLike
Pingback: A Depression Poem – By J.E. Skye – The Bipolar Writer Blog – A Mental Health Blog
Pingback: Winter Speaks Memories – A J.E. Skye Poem (Depression) – The Bipolar Writer Blog – A Mental Health Blog
Reblogged this on Pattimouse.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I ran my mind’s eye over each word and felt as if I was running a race with my emotions. So vivid.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I am glad you liked the poem.
LikeLike
Thanks for capturing the struggle so well in this poem. Even those days I feel in control, the anxiety feels like it is just around the corner waiting to ambush me. Thanks for your encouragement. Tomorrow is another day, another step on the journey.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s the best way to look at it, tomorrow is another day for us to get stronger.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Altered Mood – Catherine
You got it right. Down to the very last detail. I hope you feel better soon ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s one of my older posts and a poem I wrote I believe back in 2018, but it felt right to post it again. Thank you for the feedback.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very frightening indeed. I am no stranger to such struggles.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s never fun, and the struggles are rough but we get through it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well that is a choice of course. “Modern” medicine could do with a big upgrade.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It could use a major upgrade for sue.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are an interesting fellow, you.
LikeLike