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Stop saying”Turn your face towards the sun and let the shadows fall behind”

It doesn’t work that way

Stop saying”Everything happens for a reason”

It doesn’t

Stop saying”Time heals all wounds”

Time does no such thing

Stop telling me that life is not fair

I’ve known this since birth

Stop telling me to “let it go”

I dont WANT to let it go because then a part of me will be gone forever

I WILL NOT let it go

Even though

It hurts the hell out of me

Every single day

Stay away from me with your platitudes and pretty words
You’ve never been where I am

You’re not there
When I lie sleepless
Staring into the dark

Stop telling me
It’s time to move on
I will not live
At a pace YOU deem acceptable

A part of me will remain sore and heavy
For the rest of my life

Stop telling me
“This too shall pass”

Through grace
I wake up, dress up and show up

I’ve been doing so for years

Just because I carry my scars well

Doesn’t mean they aren’t heavy


I spend my life amongst teenagers...teaching them some English, some survival skills, some life skills and sometimes some basic skills. As in don't fart in class, don't scream in class, don't ask to go to the bathroom if it has just been break. Don't interrupt me, don't scribble on my desks, don't be late. I love my job. I love my kids. Many days they drive me crazy. Most days they give me hope.


  1. Me too ladies. Don’t tell me how to be… you haven’t been me. This morning I thought about suicide again. I did not submit. Now, I hold my face in my hands, screaming, why did I do it? Why did I lose it again? There is no why. Only now. And now, I have a mess to clean up. Wounds to lick. And a life to live at my own damn pace. Thank you for is. Love to you!!! I feel you.


    1. I tried to commit suicide four times. I chickened out the first 3 times and called for help. The 4th time I called no one. I was in a place in a veld where no one could find me. I swallowed enough pills to have killed me. But I woke up the next morning. I want to say to you keep going. One hour at a time. There is love to be found.

      Liked by 1 person

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