I journal off and on over the last ten years. At times it is to clear my mind after a long depression cycle and to get my thoughts down during those times. At times I use journaling to come up with ideas for fiction and creative nonfiction work.
It is the area where my doubts to bleed on the page of my journal is when it comes to my writing. I am a published author with a memoir that is selling okay. There are other projects that I am working on to be published in 2020. There is a real fear that my writing will never go anywhere.
I know these doubts are just lingering because I have so much going when it comes to writing. I have the ghostwriting business that I am taking to the next level, and I am starting an LLC. I am launching my brand, The Bipolar Writer. Ive created new things for my tiers on my Patreon account, including merchandise with my logo. I have projects galore, and I am nearing the end of my master’s. I consider myself a seasoned professional writer with fiction and creative nonfiction that will take me to the next level of writing. Everything is either about to be published, in editing, or a work in progress.
You would think I would not have time for doubt, but it is always late that they come when I am alone.
They say the monsters and demons tend to come out at night the most. That is true also with doubts. There is something about sitting in the dark on the doorstep of sleep that wakes up my brain, and so the last thoughts are of my doubts that I faced that day. There are times I have mini panic attacks.
I am a work in progress. I will always be adjusting as new things with being Bipolar, having social anxiety, and panic disorder change and the world changes. I have written about being alone recently and why I feel okay with that feeling. The doubts they tend to go to other places. Will I be alone forever? It is one that has haunted me.
It is not all bad. I am better equipped to handle these thoughts of doubts. I look at where I was when I began this journey. I was this 20 something who could not live, and wanted to die. Then I came back. Got one degree with another on the way. Graduated with honors as an undergraduate and heading that way as a graduate student. My life as a writer has improved. I am better at helping others and sharing my story. I have a future in my hand. You see, the doubts are just feelings of insecurity. Look at what you have accomplished and what you have in the future. No matter how small. To quote a friend, open doors and go through doors that are opened for you. This life is too short. Stay strong as always.
Always Keep Fighting
James
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The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog 
For some or most of us, doubt is a daily companion. Just read the book, the boys in the boat. An 8 man rowing crew from university of Washington, made up of backwoods poor depression era men, won gold at the hitter Olympics.
Later they all learned they felt the same way. Lucky to even be in that boat. That doubt fueled their effort to be great.
You sound like you are doing everything you can, that is all we can do.
Courage is not the absent of fear, but action in the face of fear
Doubt is a judgment, a future prediction that rarely is accurate
The daily work is where our thoughts and energy can go
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In my mind, doubt means you are challenging yourself to do new things, stretching your abilities, which is a positive. Courage is walking hand in hand with fear. -Rebecca
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“on the doorstep of sleep”- great line- and great logo as well
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Thank you. The logo is part of a new brand launch.
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Those mini-panic attacks, they are sneaky, how I loath them they do not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but empties today of its strengths. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Oh I love this, we all have these moments but looking at your accomplishments and future, like you said – no matter how small, is the way. Thanks for this post 😊
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I can relate to these doubts. My friend says that when you stop doubt yourself that’s when you start to go wrong because you stop trying to be better. You are on the right track!!
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listen to your gut. Honestly! It has helped me so many times. Sometimes I think when we have doubts…it makes us stronger…so having doubts isnt always a bad thing
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