I’ve been working from home for about a month now. As I hope many of you are, I am staying home about 95% of my weeks, the 5% is just to go out for groceries and pick up takeaway orders from some local restaurants.
Being home all of this time has made the voice of my depression loud and critical. Because I have been depressed, I haven’t felt like doing anything besides laying around. I say to myself that I should do something, even just one thing, but often times that is a fleeting thought.
Depression tells me that during this time at home I should be productive. I should be exercising in some capacity twice a day because I have gained a little weight. I should be cleaning the house and doing home improvements that I have put off instead of playing The Sims 4. I should be posting on my makeup Instagram account or I will lose all of my followers I have worked so hard to get.
On Tuesday it peaked and I had a minor freak out. My boyfriend kept asking what was wrong, I would say nothing and he would reply, you’re lying. I was lying. Saying that nothing is wrong and that I’m ok is my most told lie.
I did open up though. It was hard to express myself in that moment. I’m a writer, I find it difficult to express myself in speech compared to writing it out.
He was supportive of me and said it was ok. That I don’t need to always be productive, that it’s ok to play The Sims.
I know that I would give the same advice to somebody else but I could never tell myself that.
This weekend I hope to get at least a couple things done to quell the demands of my depression. I hope when Saturday arrives I will have the motivation and strength to follow through.
How has your mental health been lately? Are you feeling things for intensely than you normally would or have you become numb to it all?