Talking to People is Getting Easier

I often struggle with talking to other people. I hate small talk. I don’t like talking to strangers. Once I get to know someone, I’m willing to talk to them, but not much. It takes a while to feel comfortable with people. If I had the choice, I would only talk to a couple of people. I’m told this is not healthy behavior. Part of it stems from my lack of trust in others. I have a few thoughts when someone approaches me. “Why are they talking to me?” “What do they want?” I immediately assume the worst.

This isn’t so much a lack of trust in all people. I’ve had the misfortune of being around people who wanted to use me as a means to an end. That’s been my experience when dealing with others. I assume everyone is trying to get something from me. I’m still baffled when someone says they enjoy my company. It’s hard for me to believe them. In trying to change this behavior, I started telling myself that it didn’t matter if they used me as long as I got something out of it too. I did feel used, but I enjoyed other’s company while I was used.

It was easier to think this than to feel used. It was a coping mechanism. I had to think of a benefit for myself to avoid the negative thoughts I often had. I fail at this sometimes. The biggest issue was not having someone to confide in or with which to vent. Sometimes that’s all I need to feel better about a situation. If I don’t feel close to someone, I don’t feel comfortable sharing my troubles with them. It’s a hard place to live. I’ve finally found a few people that care about me and want what’s best for me. I’m still not used to this.

I find myself having small pointless conversations with strangers and not feeling uncomfortable. Is this how normal people interact? Is this socializing? I’m never certain. I have yet to find someone that I immediately become friends with. I’m still distant with others until I get to know them. I suspect I always will be this way. My main point is it’s getting easier to talk to people, both strangers and my friends. I’m not sure if I’ll ever become a sociable individual. I’ll keep working on this, but I also like my solitude. I enjoy not talking to others. Will that ever change?

9 thoughts on “Talking to People is Getting Easier

  1. This may not be the popular view here, tho I’ll write it anyway. I can’t say one way or another if how you feel is normal healthy behavior since I find the vast majority of people are fake. From what I see of people, a person’s group is for socializing and they only have a couple of actual friends. I’m inclined to say you’re simply honest and self-aware.

    The main tell is in whether or not, during the times you’re having a problem, you have a person cross your mind. When they do, you feel like you can pick up a phone and say, “I need to talk.”

    All in all, the people you keep close make you a better person: make you want to be better, put more effort in, care more. That’s all the stuff I’m using as a compass, at least.

    The rest of this stuff? Socializing? I’ve learned the skills. Never enjoyed it.


    • I have friends who have panic attacks from the thought of talking to a cashier at a grocery store. Some of us don’t handle talking to people as well as others.


      • Oof. That is really rough. Someday facing another human won’t be mandatory to get our needs met, but until then that is a hard way to live. Do you mind if I ask how they manage? I have known some with high anxiety that managed to get family to help them, but I would like to know what suggestions to offer when I likely encounter that again in the future.


      • Some force themselves to do it and improve over time. Others have tried CBD oil which helps them relax without the sides effects that narcotics have. Every person is different.


  2. Introverts don’t relish in small talk. I am not good at it, nor do I like it. But if I know you and you are a friend I may talk your ear off. That is just me. I have always been both shy and introverted. The shyness has passed as I have gotten older, and also even more since I have been in therapy. But the introvertedness- that is just me and I will embrace it.


  3. Same, and I think that is the reason why I have no one, literally. I doubt their intentions. I won’t talk to someone unless they initiate the conversation and even if they did, minutes after, it is another dead air again. haha


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