Straight Lines

I desperately wanted to find a way to cope with my OCD better. Yes, medication is good and CBT is great. However, I wanted to find a hobby that will allow me to express my OCD in a different way. I stumbled across a local art studio in my city offering a 5-week drawing course. I signed up and decided to try it.

I was expecting this course to be about drawing still matters, drawing cylinders and pyramids.

However, it was different. The instructor told us to draw whatever we want.

I am not an artistic person, so I was stuck. I started doodling random things until the instructor came up to me asked me to express my personality.

Instantly, I grabbed a ruler I saw next to me and started drawing straight lines down my paper.

Lines after lines. I drew dark lines using a ink fountain pen until the side of my hands turned black from the smudges. Every part of that line had to be perfect. However, of course – it was not.

It was not until the instructor walked up to me again to ask what I was expressing.

“My OCD.”

Isn’t it odd that when I started to give my disorder a personality, it started to sooth itself inside of me. I have less urges to get up in the middle of the night to check my doorknob or to line up my hangers perfectly. Instead, I acknowledge its presence by giving it a personality.

In my class, I am the girl that draw straight lines using a ruler. Why? Because that is my OCD.

A being that shivers inside of me when it is not perfect. An ugly being that screams inside of me when I try to walk away.

Have you tried giving your disorder a personality?