The Ups & Downs of Being Mentally Ill

I have not written on here for a while because of how up and down my mental health has been. Especially over the past week, I have had some really low days. On Saturday I couldn’t get out of bed,  shower or muster the energy to open Netflix to watch a movie to calm my anxiety.

My first post on here was about how my mental health was in a good place. For months I felt really good! I didn’t have any suicidal thoughts or urges to hurt myself in any way. I had energy, I felt that things were finally going my way.

Sure I still had my depression and anxiety but I felt that I was in control instead of them controlling me.

Then all of a sudden the tables turned (or the turn tables, if you’re a fan of The Office).

My brain decided to tell me all sorts of horrible things it knows will make me fall to my knees. It went from whispering to shouting in the last few days that the world would be better without me in it. That nobody at all would miss me but rather breathe a sigh of relief.

Writing that out makes me cringe but from reading the posts on here, I know I’m not the only person who is feeling or has felt this way.

When I’ve been doing well and then my mental illness tackles me to the ground without warning, I’m taken off guard. I have to remember how to handle these situations. How do I calm myself down when I’m shaking with anxiety? How do I stop these negative thoughts from drowning me? Why don’t I have a drop of energy?

I have my eyes looking forward to therapy today where I hope I can get myself situated again.

I hope that if you’re going through these ups and downs too, you can find peace and make it through this challenging time.

Stay strong, everyone!

20 thoughts on “The Ups & Downs of Being Mentally Ill

  1. Hang in there! Ive been going through depression since I was a teen. I am now 45 and still struggle with it. Some mornings I wake up feeling like I just want to die. I usually get better as the day goes on. The fact that I am on meds doesnt help and sometimes makes things worse. Praying for healing and happier days!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • You must be such a strong person! I 100% understand that feeling of wanting to die the moment you wake up. I hope that you can find the right medication to help you improve. Thank you for commenting!

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  2. Megan, I know how you feel, I truly do. What I thought was a case of the Full Moon blues turned out to be a slide into depression, and I too am uncomfortable. No one knows the sadness in our solitude, unless they have experienced this first hand. I don’t want to be unhappy, I am blessed beyond measure, and it kind of makes me feel like a jerk when I cry through the day on my brand new couch with my velvet comforter. But when these times come, I take it as a sign that Abba is pulling me closer. May you feel the prayers and love I am sending you~

    Liked by 1 person

    • I totally agree. People who don’t have a mental illness cannot truly understand what it is like for your brain to revolt against you. My psychiatrist told me once that when your mind is telling you to die, it’s the exact opposite of our survival instincts.

      You’re not a jerk (well I hope not at least)! We can have all the blessings in the world but mental illness doesn’t care about that. It narrows our field of vision to see whatever negativity it wants us to. I hope that you are getting by and enjoying your new couch!

      Liked by 1 person

      • No, kitten, I am not a jerk. I do, however, know a few jerks. πŸ™‚ God bless you! I can tell you that it gets easier when you get serious about loving yourself. ~

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am schizoaffective, bipolar type so I understand the ups and downs totally. It can be an exhausting ride we’re strapped into and not one I would recommend to anyone. I take meds for my condition and have found hope in Christ. I hope you get through this tough time okay and continue writing for those who need to hear. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You know you are not alone. Being tormented by anxiety and depression is one of the worst illnesses anyone can indure. Stay strong and remember there will be a better day, the chaos will settle and peace will return. It doesn’t make it any easier but you’re helping others by being brave enough to share your life and your situation. Keep in touch anytime, from a distant (new) friend πŸ‘

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You are so important to God that he didn’t pass to the next day until you were born. Every body has a mission in this world and only you could fulfill your. Nobody else could. Many blessings to you Megan and feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Getting Back to “Normal” | Be Alright

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