This is something that I’ve been struggling since I’ve hit my “bottom” after my depressive episode last summer.

I don’t think I really understood what it meant to be hopeless until then.

I keep looking forward for “exciting” things. Things that can make me happier, or new things that bring positive changes to my life. But I always end up making full circle thinking – “what now?”

I buy myself the things that I want, treat myself with a trip that I want. But even in those moments, I start to scramble on what I can do to find hope – again.

Hope is a strange thing.

We talk about hope like it’s a tangible item that we can buy or get if we achieve a certain state of mind.

It saddens me to know that I know how it feels to be absolutely hopeless in a world that shouts there is still hope.

I strive my best to surround myself with a community that brings me joy, but it seems like there is so much others can do for me.

I try my best to utilize my tools to stop myself from spiraling down into a negative hole of thoughts, but sometimes that is just not good enough.

Today, I am still searching my way to find hope.

I am happy and content, but I want more.

More of this that can allow me to enjoy even the slightest things I have in this life, and to be the hope others can find hope as well.

I want more hope. Is that too much to ask?


19 thoughts on “Hope

  1. It’s not easy at it seems…Keeping Hope when you don’t even want to! Even your life is not that bad but it’s just missing something and therefore you find yourself unable to be happy…And the dilemma is that no matter what we do, how hard we try, if it didn’t come from inside, from ourselves, it doesn’t work…If we couldn’t find a way to be happy and hopeful on our own, it will always be temporary…I said dilemma because it’s really hard…
    Keep chasing Hope, life is nonsense without it


  2. Gosh, I can truly relate to your words here. I too find myself at a point in my life where I have the things I need to make me happy and content, but remain unfulfilled and in need of more, and in need of reassurance that there is more to come in the future. Beautifully written, Haelim.


  3. If you are still struggling to find “something” then I wouldn’t call it being happy and content. Something is lacking and that brings thoughts of something better out there. Hope is not tangible. It is a state of mind and not always easy to find. I have known cancer patients who don’t want hope because they have come to a sort of acceptance and they don’t want to move from that state. There is always hope but maybe not for the things you think should be there. Feeling as if something is missing seems to be what you are feeling. I “hope” things get better and you feel that something is changing. (a long post from a 78 year old) Suzanne


  4. Hug you dear….you’re giving more hope to a lot of people by sharing this and by that I know more people are praying for you and we will pay it forward by sharing our thoughts and feelings also in finding HOPE.

    Thank you for being YOU! 🤗😚🤗


  5. I am hoping you are alright right now. Most of the time I feel what you feel too. Right now, I am learning to live life in each day. I mean, I don’t cling to much to expectations and hope, but to faith, I believe that everything will be ok soon, because it does.. in my life. I was given a bad life, but in between those times are little things that made me where I am right now, as long as I have faith and learn to breathe and rest when the world is too much.


  6. I, too, struggle with feelings of hopelessness sometimes. I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type and it can be a very hard road. I just finished a blog post about the hope I find in Jesus Christ. I have never found, in all my years of searching, anything that encourages me or gives me hope like He does. I pray that you find your hope and things improve for you. Thanks for sharing your struggle.


  7. I suffer from this, but my brother has worse depression than I do. He’s a doctor, so he tries to find some hope in helping people, but you have to keep an emotional distance in that profession, or it drags you under. He makes good money, but cannot find love, so the money brings him no joy, but he uses it to give others joy. He takes me to concerts and on trips, and he’s sending my sister, niece, and daughter through college. It’s frustrating to me, when he can’t see how much he improves the world, even if he never spent another cent on us. It’s infuriating that he believes his only worth is in what he can buy his loved ones. He can’t find joy in the good he’s doing; he can only bask in the reflected glow of others’ happiness, and it’s not enough.


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