Letter to my Anxiety

I’ve lived with you so long I don’t know life without being afraid. Because of you, I’ve missed out on so many good things in life I want to experience.

I want to go to concerts and music festivals. You keep me at home, making me feel ashamed and isolated. My iTunes account is so full of movies I’ve randomly bought to try to forget the panic and what I’m missing.

You randomly appear out of nowhere and paralyze me. I’m somewhere safe, somewhere comfortable surrounded by people who love me. And you decide to force me into bed, trying to make you go away with the breathing exercises I’ve learned along the way and failing.

You got me addicted to benzos. You made my mental health professionals distrust me with medication.

There are so many people I could’ve met, so many friends I could’ve made. But you show up and make me a fool, cause me to make excuses and run home to be alone. And even then, you’re my constant companion.

I am so afraid of the world. This comes from the panic attacks you’ve caused throughout my entire life that I’ve learned that the only way I can go out is to force myself. To make sure I have the proper medication with me at all times. And to always be aware of the escape routes in case things get bad.

You ruined my marriage with your friend depression. You scare my parents. You make the one friend I have constantly worry about me.

Anxiety, I don’t know life without you. You are fully a part of me like my teeth or my hands. Always buzzing in the background, always reminding me that no matter what skills I learn, the amount of help I get, you will be there, ready to ruin my dreams.

45 thoughts on “Letter to my Anxiety

  1. I can relate. The worst part about anxiety for me is that I’ve missed out on so many opportunities. At least I have found a community of support here at WP. Knowing we are not alone is a comforting blanket. I hope the best to you Douglas.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I’ve avoided so many experiences I would’ve enjoyed because of anxiety. I structure my life around how I can escape if it gets bad. I’ve known it for so long. There are moments where I pushed through and experienced something wonderful, but they’re in the minority

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I wanted to cry while reading, because right now I haven’t tried medication in over a year, but I’m glad that I can. I can’t imagine having to just deal. Well…I guess I already do, but…I wouldn’t call it “dealing,” more “coping.”

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Anxiety is a disease and it takes and it takes so much away from us. You post is inspiring and you are strong for writing about it. You are brave and this is a perfect way to fight it. Identify it, fight it. Much love and strength!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sorry you struggle with this. I’ve not had anxiety but went through many years of depression so I understand how challenging and overwhelming it can all be. Thanks for sharing your struggle. May your mind and body heal, and find peace and comfort in all things.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I stumbled on this post and so glad I did. I struggle with anxiety but if you saw me teach you wouldn’t see a drop of it. But when it comes on it is like nothing in the world will help. But I’ve taken steps to make living with anxiety easier because it is okay to have anxiety but always remember it is only a part of you. You are stronger than anxiety, so don’t give up on your dreams take anxiety with you. Here if you ever want to chat about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have anxiety, but only the people closest to me really know about it. If you met me on the street, you’d never guess. And even still, I hide certain aspects of it from my family, like that I’ve been to therapy or that I’m on medication for it. It’s nice to read something that is written by somebody who knows what I’m going through. Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I suffer from social anxiety and with this chronic blushing, the two go hand in hand. Its a nightmare sometimes I just cant go anywhere it ruins my life its so soul destroying. Great read so sorry I know what you are going through.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am sad to say I know how it feels 😦 Anxiety is a horrible thing and panic attacks are the worst…I know anxiety has stopped you from going out as much as you wish you did… but because of it you have written this wonderful piece and that’s a great achievement!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. This is defiantly something I needed to hear. My anxiety is all over the place and it has caused me to stop writing. I’m trying my best to get back on track and continue to write again. Job well done.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I relate to this on a personal level. I’m anxious just writing this lol. I missed speaking at my own high school graduation because of anxiety. I wish you the best to overcome the terrible feeling.

    If you would like to, you can check out my own struggle with anxiety: https://ayeshaquadri.wordpress.com/2019/03/04/my-own-anxiety-story/

    Also, if you have the time, I wanted to ask if you had any tips for new bloggers? I’m still very new to all this and any help I might get would lessen the anxiousness for me.

    Thank you so much and have a nice day.


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