I am too attached

I associated the word “attachment” as someone who is clingy, annoying and who has “issues” that they couldn’t resolve in the past – Until this year.

I get attached to people fairly easily. Most people say it’s because I am just a very caring person and that is a good thing.

I want to see it as a good thing, but it hurts.

It hurts to let people go in my life, including my therapist.

This past summer, when things were just extremely stressful and my anxiety has heightened up like never before. During this time, my therapist’s abrupt news of termination was enough to trigger my first depressive episode.

I was in so much denial for the longest time, but I had to come to conclusion that it was because I was so attached to my therapist.

Thankfully, we got in touch again and took another month or two to fully work it out and terminate “safely”.

My therapist suggested doing a group therapy in a group that they were leading this fall, so that I can have a smoother transition of saying goodbye.

Today was actually my last time seeing her as the group terminated.

Am I sad? Kind of. Am I going to have a depressive episode like this past summer? No.

It’s a bittersweet feeling of saying goodbye, but it leaves me with a thought wondering what I can do to leave my “attachment” behind. It’s ironic how the word attachment is so attached to my own emotions.

I know I am not alone in this. How do you deal with attachment and saying goodbye?

I would love to hear.

34 thoughts on “I am too attached

  1. I would like to tell you how I deal with ‘good byes’ but for me it is really my fear of abandonment that is the issue. I am not sure if they are the same thing.I am seeing someone this week to look into it once again. Sometimes it is two steps forwards and one step backwards!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Having to terminate groups myself, it’s hard but necessary. If the good-bye is hard, but you are able to navigate the road ahead, the pain is worth it. Having faith in the process is how I have seen so many cope with detachment. Have faith and use what you have learned.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Hi Haelim,
    Attachment issues have been such a huge part in my mental ill health. I had years of therapy grieving for the love that I never recieved from my parents and care givers. It was only after that process that I started to create healthy attachments with others.
    Good luck on your journey
    With love

    Liked by 2 people

      • Goodness, that is a long story. Once I had grieved for the unconditional love that I did not recieve as an infant and child I became less sensitive and more independent. I had to learn to rely on myself rather than seek validation from others. I stopped seeking unconditional love from others as I recognised that no one could love my as I should have been loved as an infant. People began to love and respect me as my self respect grew. I began to put boundaries in place. I learned to diferentiate between unhealthy attachments and healthy relationships built on mutal respect. The hardest step was the grieving part. It tore me apart to acknowledge that as a vulnerable child I was emotionally neglected and abused. It was so important having an enlightend witness in the form of a therapist. Books by Alice Miller really helped.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I find blogging and writing a journal help me make sense of my experiences so that I can learn from them to help me grow. Take it one day at a time, write a wish list of what you would like to achieve and try to join in on new activities. This year I started a gratitude journal where I list a positive in my day or week. It might just be the colours of Autumn around me, a fresh slice of cake or an enjoyable film. I’m going to read and enjoy noting all the positives on Christmas Day!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hi Haelim, I can relate to your post. I agree with what others have said about abandonment issues. I used to suffer from this quite badly and worked through it. For me it was rooted in my early abandonment as a child and the subsequent emotional unavailability of my care-givers. As adults we can still respond to these experiences as if they were happening now, because they are like wounds that haven’t healed. And so it can be helpful to revisit the old stuff in order to work through it and heal those early wounds. That’s my experience, but the causes may be different for you. Whatever the cause, you will definitely be able to overcome this. All the best, Stephen

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oof, this post hit me hard. I have attachment issues too. I’m a bit… clingy. I get jealous even seeing my friends hang out with other people. I guess the comes from my childhood, where I got abandoned by some of my best friends. It is hard, and I don’t really have anything useful to share with you, as I struggle too. I guess for me, I just… Prepare myself ahead of time for the worst. Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst. Good in theory, but I’m not always good at putting it into practice.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I had attachment issues in the past although it was only now that I realize I had them. My problem was that if anyone showed me a sign of friendship, I’d be all over them in returning that friendship. Looking back, it was down to the years of hostility shown to me during my childhood on account of my own mental health issues. So, I know how hard it is for you.

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  8. I hate saying goodbye and I avoid those situations as much as possible! I’m just so sentimental that it always seems like the “last” goodbye. I am not looking forward to next week when I have to say goodbye to my therapist. I don’t think it will trigger anxiety or anything but I hate to lose her because she has helped me so much in the last 6 years. I’m in a better place though, so I know I’m going to be ok!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I know some of this might not be what you’re looking for, but it is how I cope with goodbyes. I have two things that help. The first is my personal spiritual beliefs, which I understand probably won’t help others. While I am not a religious person (Agnostic, on purpose), I have this deep-down belief that, anyone I say goodbye to, I will see again. It might not be soon, it might not be this life. But, somehow, I know that I will come across this person again. I don’t know why or how, but I know it. The second, which is probably more universal, is I always try to remember, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” I try to remember the good things, what this person brought to my life that improved it. I try to hold on to those things and feel grateful. I mean, I still do feel sad and cry sometimes. But, when I can, I try to just be grateful rather than sad.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. During the past few years, I have had many attachments that, but their very nature, had to end. First, there was my doctor. She helped me through some really difficult medical issues. But, when I needed her most, she told me she and her family were moving to Hawaii. There was my surgeon, who I absolutely loved. After 6 months, she and her office staff (who had become friends) were naturally not a part of my life any longer. Their job was done. There were my infusion nurses. What a rough job they have. They deal with cancer daily, help patients through their fears, gently do the job they are tasked with–pumping poison through patients’ veins. But I loved them. Then, their time was over. Next came the Radiation Therapy–the doctors, techs, nurses, and even the registration staff became part of my family. After all, I saw them every day for two months. When I completed that, I cried, but I was on to a new “family” – physical therapists. For three months I saw them three times a week to help me get strength back in my arm and reduce the lymphadema. The only constant through all of this has been my oncologist. She is amazing, and always there when I need her. But, in a matter of a little over a year I had gained and lost five “families.” I was depressed and missing all of them. So, one day I ordered flower and candy baskets, wrote notes for all of them, and delivered them myself. It was difficult when I started out, but once I visited my surgeon’s office, things got better. They were so glad to see me and asked all about how I was doing. My surgeon came out in the waiting room and gave me a big hug. The same thing played out at each visit, except my old PCP’s office. She was gone, but I could still say good-bye to her staff. I now have a new PCP, and he is wonderful. He has been a rock for me as I have dealt with the depression that took over my life for a while, and still rears its head regularly. And I have my wonderful oncologist. I had to turn my sadness and the empty feeling of losing all of these wonderful people in my life. Writing the notes and making those visits helped to show me that they are not totally gone from my life, but the jobs they had to do and the relationships we formed are, out of simple need, short-term. I doesn’t mean I’m forgotten, only that I had to make room for others who needed their help. I still miss them, but I know they will be there for me if I need them again.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Wow. Thank you for sharing this. While I’m not in a position to be able to go visit these people in my lives, this really helped me to see things in “perspective”. Yes, people care about me – but the work is done and I need to walk on. But not necessarily that I’m not worthy to have their time, but because I evolve over time. Thank you for this thought provoking response!

      Liked by 2 people

  11. Pingback: I am too attached — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog -

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