Finding My Antidepressant Match

In the late fall of 2016 I was at my lowest point mentally of my entire 25 years on Earth. I laid in bed most of the day, suicidal thoughts constantly buzzed in my head and I was struggling with self-harming on an almost daily basis.

My therapist was very serious when she told me it might be a good idea to get on antidepressants. I never in my life thought I would get to a point where medicine was necessary. I thought about the stigma behind taking antidepressants, that people who take them are “crazy” and “can’t function on their own”.

But you know what? I couldn’t function on my own so I started my grueling journey to find my perfect antidepressant match.

I called my doctor who took my condition very seriously as well which I am so thankful for. I swear without her and my therapist, I wouldn’t be here. She prescribed me a low dose of an SRI as well as Larazapam for my anxiety.

Immediately I got nauseous from the medicine. I already was having trouble eating so the added nausea wasn’t helping. I took it daily for weeks with no improvement in my depression. She increased my dose but it didn’t help.

To get me on the right track with my medicine I was sent to a psychiatrist who created a long list of medicines that he thought could help me. It started with a bunch of different SRI prescriptions but none of them worked for me.

For months I tried different pills at their highest doses but nothing made any difference in my mood nor did they decrease my suicidal thoughts. After 6 months, I was ready to give up. I had heard positive things for other people so I questioned why these pills didn’t work for me.

In spring of 2017 I saw my psychiatrist again hoping he would be able to figure out a better solution for me since no SRIs worked. He said to try a medicine typically prescribed for individuals with bipolar, Wellbutrin.

Starting that was the first time in months that I saw a change. I began to think more clearly, I wasn’t nauseous, I had more energy and my mood was getting better. It was a relief!

If you are trying to find the right medicine for your mental illness, do not give up. It is absolute hell until you get there but finding the right pill for you is possible.

I thought I would never find my perfect match. Even though it took a long time, I am glad that it finally worked out.

15 thoughts on “Finding My Antidepressant Match

  1. I had a similar situations. It became a reason why I didn’t take them. I would find myself always go back to them for a month a month, as I was desperate. Thankfully 3/4 months ago I hit my lowest low and the doc said “why don’t we try a different type”. 3 months down the line I can say i’m in a much better place and lifes going good so there is hope. in a few months when i’m comfortable with the idea, i’ll look to come off them.

    I’m glad I read this, its so true what you’ve written about. Keep up the good work 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so glad you found the right med for you. I’ve been on the same antidepressant for eight years. I was on the same low dose for most of that until my depression (agitated type so harder to tell) got worse last year. I still waited like six months before I asked to have a med adjustment, because I felt if I wasn’t in bed all day I muust not be depressed. Now been on the same higher dose for six months. I can feel some difference but it isn’t any type of wonder drug.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad you feel some type of difference with what you’re taking! That’s certainly a start. Sadly no medicine has the power to completely cure us of depression or any other mental illness 😦


  3. A tremendous option is available to bio-pharmaceutical Psychiatrists, now. Genetic testing that will help to identify which domain of psychiatric medication will benefit the patient the most. By all means, keep seeking the best answer for your situation.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thanks for this post. It was difficult for me to find the right one as well. Migraines and stomach upset were discouraging, but like you said, I stuck it out and finally the doctor found the right one with the right dose. Since then several of my friends have commented how much better I seem. I take that as a good sign that I am on the right one and the right dose.


  5. A friend recommended getting genetic compatibility testing done too. She dealt with years of the wrong meds because her body just tolerated other’s better but didn’t know that until they did that. Glad you found relief!


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