I have struggled lately to reshape my sleep schedule. The funny thing about the situation is that it’s working at one level. I am getting to sleep quicker because I have been a productive person when I am up at 5 am. I am tired because my day is productive and that is the best thing for this mental illness life. This is great for someone who lives with insomnia. The change has been mostly positive, but the small issues seem to get to me.
I am still struggling with motivation to get up every day at 5 am. I have been doing it right most days, but the change has been hard to deal with because of my focus. When I wake some days, I feel the pull to stay in bed versus getting up and being productive. I want this new sleep/wake schedule to work. On the days where my focus is better, I am so productive during my day.
I have more hours in which to complete my checklist for school and writing. It feels great to be able to find a balance between school and writing. The problem? I am still fighting depression and anxiety.
I could feel it this morning when I woke up. I wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep and not face the day. For an hour I fought a battle in my mind trying to decide to take the day off or push through to that I can take a day off on Friday. It’s becoming one of those days where I will have to just survive these feelings.
Change can be so tricky in this Bipolar life. I know that this is the right path. I have seen the success. If I can get my depression and anxiety on board, then that will be what I need. So I will keep going today. It’s what I have to do— keep fighting. Always.
Change is good, it’s just never easy.
Photo Credit: unsplash-logoKerrie DeFelice