When Things Are Good

I have lived with a mental illness for most of my life so it’s kind of weird when things are going really well.

Maybe I’m the only one but when you’re used to living everyday feeling depressed and anxious, it is odd to not feel that way. I am so used to having my mental illness control my life that when I get to do what I want, I’m lost.

I’m not complaining at all that my mental health is in good. To be honest it feels great to not lay in bed for hours while negative thoughts spin around my exhausted brain. I feel truly happy with my life which is something I couldn’t say two months ago.

I should be glad that I’ve made it to this point after struggling for so long. I feel like myself, the most myself I have felt in a while, but I feel like something is missing. My depression is missing, it’s on vacation or something. My anxiety is still here but it does not have as much power controlling me without depression to assist.

Feeling depressed and anxious almost every day for months at a time is my norm. I hate to say it but swimming in my mental illness is my comfort zone because that’s what I am used to feeling. Now that I’m in a period where I’m doing really well, I feel off.

Instead of sitting around waiting for another episode to occur, I’m going to do the things that I struggle to do when I’m depressed. I’m planning to exercise regularly, write more often, clean and spend time with other humans (ok, that one’s a maybe).

If I only get the month of October to feel happy then I better utilize the time I have been given before it all goes away.

Photo Credit: unsplash-logorawpixel

21 thoughts on “When Things Are Good

  1. I’ve had so many months, years even, of lying around depleted by depression that it often feels like my norm as well. It’s both wonderful and, to be honest, a little scary when depression lifts and I find myself with more energy. It’s like being transported to a new country that seems beautiful and promising, but you don’t exactly know the customs or how to function there. Still, so good to have an opportunity to learn how to live in the Land of the Undepressed!

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  2. Great post. I love this, “My anxiety is still here but it does not have as much power controlling me without depression to assist.” That is so true. Both can be horrific, but alone they are much more manageable. When paired together, forget it! I am glad you are doing well. The one benefit of mental illness is that when you overcome severe symptoms, happiness is so much happier and the light is so much brighter.You learn to appreciate and enjoy the sunshine so much more after being in the dark for so long. I am happy you are doing well. Enjoy each and every minute of it and I hope it continues forever… at least a very long time. I am very blessed to be doing very well too. Much love and many blessings, Sue.

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  3. Haha! It’s so true! Both Mr. B and myself get that same sensation. It’s a wary kinda of “Life’s going too well right now. This can’t last.” Having mental illness is a bit like being stalked by a predator. Even when you’re not getting attacked, you know it’s lurking around somewhere and could pounce at any moment.
    We all learn skills to cope with feeling mentally unwell. Now, where do we go to learn skills on how to cope with feeling well-being and health? Lol! It’s a whole new ball game.
    Sounds like you have the right idea though Megan. Do what you can while you can. Try not to over do it. And don’t forget to appreciate the life you have today, right now, in this moment!
    Mrs. B

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  4. You are not the only one!!! When I wake up in a good mood without any niggling monsters of anxiety or looming clouds of depression hovering in the corners of my bedroom, I’m acutely aware of how different it is to feel – just, good! I sometimes feel a twinge of sadness that that’s my lot in life, but, regret over our genetics isn’t helpful and in a way it’s kind of amazing how deeply we can appreciate happiness and the beauty we can create in our lives in the moments we’re blessed with it, utilizing every moment of feeling good in ways people without mental illness don’t understand.

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  5. Pingback: Falling Back Into Depression – The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

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