Empty Your Pockets

This is a free verse poem I wrote because I have been struggling with my PTSD lately.

This poem is for anyone that has ever been hurt before. I hope you enjoy it.

Don’t forget to empty your pockets and always remember…

Empty Your Pockets

They knock on my door, but I don’t let them in.

They send me texts, but I don’t respond.

They call, but I don’t answer.

They leave voicemails. I listen, but never return the call.

They knock on my door, but I can’t let them in.

They try, but I refuse.

The fear freezes me.

Traps me.

Holds me in a bondage I can’t escape.

I can’t visit it now.

I can’t return.

Those are the memories you created.

You hurt me then, and you hurt me now.

I forgot then, but I can’t forget now.

Not right now.

It has resurfaced.

I am not sure when I will let you back in.

For now I stay away. Out of sight. Out of mind. Out of ear shot. Out.

I am frozen in the bondage that you created years ago.

You didn’t care then and I can’t care now. Not right now.

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. I don’t know.

When it feels right, I will resurface. I will come back.

I will let you back into my life a little at a time.

Handle with caution. Handle with care.

I am fragile when wounded and I feel wounded right now.

Just because. Maybe because I am healing more. Always healing.

When wounded and injured, always healing and recovering.

I will be okay and I will come back one day.

I am not sure when, but one day.

When it is safe. When my heart tells me so.

I can’t be there for you right now.

You weren’t there for me when I needed you most.

You couldn’t be there for me the way I needed you to be.

You didn’t know how.

So, you put me it in your back pocket.

The place where you put everything you can’t deal with.

Don’t think about it. Don’t talk about it. It will go away.

But, it never really goes away.

It remains in your back pocket and becomes buried with the lint.

That was where you put me.

You must have a lot of stuff in your back pockets.

Doesn’t it make it difficult to walk around and live life when your pockets are full?

You need to clean out your pockets and take care of the junk that is in your pockets.

The place where you put things you don’t want to deal with or feel or know even exist.

The place you put things to deal with later.

Unfortunately, later sometimes never came.

Later became too late.

Like me.

You forgot you put me in your back pocket.

The stuff you can’t deal with.

The stuff you will deal with later, maybe.

I am the later maybe you forgot or didn’t have time for.

You forgot me too many times.

It is my time now.

I think I finally found a back pocket.

I will put you in my back pocket until later.

Just for now.

I will come back though.

I will never leave you in my back pocket.

Please clean out your pockets. You might be surprised what’s in your back pocket.

Maybe it is what you have been looking for, but forgot where you put it.

Maybe it is what you have always been missing.

Maybe it is what you always needed.

Maybe it is me.

~written by Susan Walz

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Copyright © 2018 Susan Walz | myloudbipolarwhispers.com | All Rights Reserved

Author: my loud whispers of hope

I share my story openly and honestly to educate others and increase the awareness of mental illness, reduce stigma, prevent suicide, to inspire, give hope and let God's love shine through me and touch you. I finished writing, proofreading and editing my memoir in January of 2019. I am in the process of sending my manuscript to agents and publishers that accept unsolicited maunscripts. I pray my words will turn into a book that will inspire and spark joy and hope in the lives of many. Recovery and healing are possible. I am living proof. "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." ~Maya Angelou

28 thoughts on “Empty Your Pockets”

  1. PTSD is such a terrible demon. I had a very brief experience precisely a week and I still dont know how I survived.
    The poem is so raw brimming with truth.
    Hang in there and remember we all are here are around you. You are not in backpack pockets you are close to us in our hearts. 🤗❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am sorry you experienced PTSD as well. You are right. It is an awful demon. I love your beautiful words. They are special and mean a lot to me as always. I am happy I am not in your back pocket. I liked that. Thanks again. Much love and hugs, Sue

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate it greatly. I am happy you liked my poem. My PTSD and negative thoughts and feelings were really bothering me at the time and writing is very therapeutic for me, so I just started writing my thoughts out and before I knew it this is what it turned into. I seem to write better from my pain. I definitely felt better after writing this. After I finished writing, I felt better and had a better understanding of what was bothering me. Thanks again. Hugs, Sue

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So incredibly touching. Phenomenally written, your heart is left there in each and every one of those words. I don’t suffer from PTSD but can relate the poem to having an incurable illness. I am torn between being there for people and being 100% honest with myself. I don’t want to be deceiving but I like yourself, would rather not receive texts, phone calls, heck don’t even leave me a voice message because I don’t listen to them – I delete them, my reasoning, if it’s an emergency they’ll call 911, not me, do not come by uninvited – that’s one of the worse things you can do to me, don’t include me in your plans, don’t send invites to me, and the list goes on and on. It’s not out of being mean or anything, it’s just right now, at this moment, I choose to focus on me, my mental health, mental state, I choose me!
    Wonderful post, spoke straight to my heart. 😌🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gosh. Thank you so much for your always kind and encouraging words to me. Your words always seem to make me smile. I am sorry your illness causes you pain and that you can relate to this poem in that way, but I am happy my words could speak to you. You got the meaning behind my poem. Right on with the words I wrote. You definitely summed it up accurately and got it. Thank you for your great feedback. Much love and hugs, Sue

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awe so sweet! Thank you! Your posts, your words, your authenticity do that for me. Yes, they speak and give me comfort. It’s amazing how words can move a heart. You’re inspiring so many by being so honest, it’s refreshing. 😊🙏🏽 Hope you’re doing well Sue. Many hugs!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Awe that’s so sweet! I hope she is doing well. We have more bad days than there are good days, but through Christ, we have the strength we need to keep moving forward.
        And you are Sue! You are helping people, more than you know!
        Thank you. Hope you have a wonderful night. 😊🙏🏽

        Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s never easy, breaking free from the memories of the injuries of our younger selves, and that is why we struggle from day to day, until we find that light in the darkness, and, walk towards me, and there will be a ton of trials that we will need to weather through before we finally are able to, take that lightness within us, and set ourselves free…

    Liked by 1 person

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