This poem is the latest version of A Little White Pill that I updated in my poetry class a couple of months back. I wanted to share this newest version with you today. I think this one is going into my memoir, but I haven’t fully decided. When I start my Master’s in October, one of my focuses will be on poetry writing since I enjoyed writing so much. Please share your thoughts on my poem!
Always keep Fighting!
A Little White Pill
A little white pill,
it means the world.
When you fail to take it,
it attacks your will to live,
makes you feel things no human should.
Reminders of a constant feeling—
hopelessness. Panic. Fear. Uneasiness.
I can’t breathe or focus.
My mind races— dark thoughts dot my mind.
‘I am going insane.’
‘I am losing control.’
‘What will people think?’
Oh, so many thoughts.
Worst case scenarios playing out in my mind.
—People. Gathering around me as I sit on the floor,
panic consuming. People pointing. “What is wrong with this man?
He needs help! Someone call 9-1-1.—”
Will I survive? I have to stay home,
it is safe here.
Panic, as if death were right outside the window,
Pushing glass and— it is only a matter of time
before the glass shatters.
I can’t go out, I have to stay.
My panic chases me like the bee I am allergic to.
It’s safe here. “Stay, just stay.”
There is a whole world out there—
no please stay.
My mind is winning.
I can’t do this.
“How can someone live like this?”
Spinning out of control,
my chest tightens like a wet towel tightened
but all the water dissipates with each breathe.
—I can’t breathe.
Why is this happening?
I must sit. No, I can’t sit. You must.
A tingling sensation consumes my hands.
First at the tips and before long,
it is engulfing my hands.
“Stay calm,” they say.
I feel so cold, “Why am I sweating?”
What is this?
Numbness takes over as if I am nothing.
I get lost in it, I do everything I can.
wait, what about that little white pill.
A new dosage. More powerful than before.
I take that white pill.
Time—it moves slowly.
Yes. I can feel it now. It’s over.
It’s finally over.
I should have done mindfulness breathing.
Who knew a little white pill, was the answer?
I wonder. Was it the cause or the cure?
Like the doctor said, take as prescribed.
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