It has been a little shy of two weeks since beginning my mood stabilizer. To add this and wean off of Buspirone has been nothing short of the rollercoaster I imagined and then some. Between feelings of anger for things out of my control, to becoming used to feeling a drive to get up through depressive episodes, it has been an interesting process to say the least.

If you remember from my last post, Stabilize, you may remember me discussing the side effects including dizziness and lethargy. I am very happy to report that those side effects did in fact make their way out of my life. I am currently taking fifty milligrams of Topiramate daily along with my Lexapro and Welbutrin and although I have said this in the past, I feel as though this must be how it feels to be “normal”. However normality is very similar to beauty: it is in the eye of the beholder. No matter who you are or what your mental state is, you will always have good and bad days. The difference in my opinion is when your days control your life to the point that you can’t actually live in the way you are supposed to.

I have noticed that small remarks or comments that used to ruin my entire day do not seem to dictate my mood anymore. I continue to deal with frustration, but it does not stop me from finishing tasks. Every day it becomes easier to wake up and get dressed. Every day it becomes easier to prioritize. Every day is not perfect by any means, but it is one step closer to a better version of myself. There are also several things I have learned about controlling my surroundings to maintain a stable mood.

I am in no way monetized, so this is not a plug but just simply the streaming service I use. I decided to try something different and searched for relaxing music on Pandora. As it turns out, there is a wide variety of genres from nature sounds, to spa music, to classical music, and many more all within their own station. I am usually the most stressed when I am work, so I turned it on and it made a huge difference in my day! I felt level-headed and remained calm in situations that would have normally sent me spiraling. After trying this, I highly recommend it to anyone trying to remain calm or combat anxiety, depression, or anger. Even if you are younger, you may be able to find relaxing EDM online by groups like ODEZA or Lindsey Stirling.

This is a fairly short post, but this is all tied together as I am: a work in progress. I honestly thought that the dizziness was going to get the best of me while stabilizing, but in the end it seems to have proven to be well worth the struggle. As the weeks go on I will continue to write about this experience as well as others, engage with you over various topics to reach out to the mental health community and gather your opinions on things, and work on some poetry between both blogs as well. Thank you so much for your time and please take time to take care of yourself today!

19 thoughts on “Stabilizing

    • Thank you for reading! Don’t ever feel like anything that disrupts your daily life is “just” anything. You are a person and are just as important as everyone else! I’m really glad that you could relate to this because it feels desolate when nothing gets done and you wonder how other people live life.

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  1. So glad to hear that you are doing better! I’m sure you are feeling encouraged by the progress you are making. Thanks for including us in your journey!! I hope things keep looking up!!

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    • Thank you very much! It feels very good to feel subtle differences. Some things are significantly noticeable while others get noticed in retrospect. Thanks for hanging around for the journey! 😊

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  2. Pingback: Stabilizing | The Bipolar Writer – International Badass Activists

  3. This is a good road to walk? No? The feeling of normal and that being “like beauty” “in the eye of the beholder” is so true! Find boring and learn to like it… that is what I always told myself but it doesn’t have to be boring. Glad you mentioned music. Music is a great escape yet grounding at the same time. Thanks so much for including us on your journey! ~Kim

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    • Hi Kim 😊 I feel as though so far it has been a fairly good road. I actually was thinking about it today and realized how clearly I have been thinking lately whereas I used to daydream continuously. Of course I still have my moments but as my mother always says, I am wonderfully and uniquely made. I will always be a little different to some people, but it’s alright. For now, I will follow this road to the beat of my own drum. Thanks for reading!

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  4. I love how you wrote “normal” because there is no such thing as normal. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and am currently on Lexapro. I’m a mom and have struggled to think that I may never be like these ‘cool’ put together, alls goings good mom at my little ones school, however, there is no normal. There is no such thing. Everyone is battling something – some of us have a better way of hiding it. I take Lexapro because I can’t hide it! 🤷🏽‍♀️ Great post, thank you for sharing 😊🙏🏽

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    • Thank you for reading! As you read, Lexapro is part of my daily cocktail and was my first perscription on the journey to a better mental health. Honestly, it changed my entire prospective on medicating anxiety in the “correct” way as opposed to binging alcohol. The appeal for me is that Lexapro takes the serotonin that your body produces naturally, and puts it to much better use. Never be ashamed of what you need to do to keep yourself healthy. As long as your children love you and you are happy and healthy, live your best life! We are all human, so try not to let others make you feel insecure!

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      • Absolutely! I was so against therapy because of the negativity that surround it and then to have my therapist recommend medication was just a complete shock! However, I have seen the difference and now see mental illness as such a serious illness – can I mention Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain (my apologies if I wrote that incorrectly) how unfortunate are these losses?! So tragic! I’m glad I found my voice to finally say, I need help. You’re right! I come first, my health comes first, my mental health is my priority and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. 🙏🏽💛

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