Hello Depression, Meet Social Anxiety
I have been lucky in 2018. My depression, if any, has been mild. My social anxiety is a mess right now, but to be honest, things have been better with my social anxiety. I have been able to get out in the world for a few hours more this week than the last. My outside activities are trending upward, and that is a good thing. With the changes in weather is helping.
On a small note, the time change always makes it harder for me to sleep. Losing an hour is tough, and it takes me some time to adjust.
So what happens to The Bipolar Writer when my social anxiety and depression meet? To be honest, it makes me miss the summertime where my anxiety and depression take a backseat. It can be hard to stay focused when I have both fighting for my attention. When my social anxiety and depression meet, they like to battle.
When these battles start to take place in my mind and body— writing helps me get through the worst parts. Music is also an amazing thing I can use, along side my CBT training. What I do is drink more coffee and energy drinks (though fewer energy drinks lately.) Last year was much different. At this time last year, I couldn’t even get out of bed most days. Depression ruled my life and I was all about letting control me. I had no control over my social anxiety. I hit a rough patch in my life and it wasn’t pretty because I lost control of who I am.
It’s nice to know that in 2018, no matter how hard things get for me I am a better person that past me. I am no longer tied to my moods so much that it keeps me from getting out of bed or eating three meals a day. I am more open to self-care now than I was a year ago. I have found a creative outlet. I am working on projects all the time. I have the freelance projects that net me enough to keep my writing projects afloat.
I keep moving forward on all my major and small goals for 2018. I am fifteen weeks away from finishing my bachelor’s degree. I am already planning my future, which means starting my Master’s program in October. Fifteen months from when I start my Master’s I can start teaching writing at the college level (one of my major life goals.) That leaves me the entire 2018 summer to refocus. I can spend every waking moment writing, and work on projects. Of course, there will be plenty of Dodgers baseball to get through the toughest of times.
I am a better person. Better at figuring out this life. I continue to grow into my mental illness instead of letting it control me.
So when my social anxiety and depression fight I will let them, because I am fighting as well. I can honestly say that this has been a year of figuring how to live with my mental illness. True, this started last year. I was a mess to start the year but I got better at the end of 2017.
Even when depression gets me down I will leave my house this week. I will continue to work. Fighting for my recovery has been my greatest battle. It feels good to finally be winning some of these battles.
In this mental illness life, for every little thing that goes wrong, I know in my heart there are equally positive and better things going right. Small and big goals will be conquered this year. And who knows where I will be at the end of 2018. I know we are a long ways away from that particular goal. It’s good to look ahead instead of living in the past.
Always Keep Fighting.
I say this because it’s true. Let’s continue to fight for a better mental health. Do it for you first. I have learned so much over the past now over six months of blogging. The spirit of the mental illness community is so strong. Together, we are working towards ending the stigma.
It’s okay if life is getting you down right now. It is for me, and I am still fighting. Stay strong.