Slipping Into Depression in March

/ James Edgar Skye

I am going down a familiar road of my life, but this time there is so much light at the end. Can I make though March and end what is always the worst stretch of my depression?

It is been a rough last couple of weeks. I continue to work through my social anxiety in the coming weeks and I have seen some improvement. I took some much needed time off from blogging and life for a couple days last week, but now I feel a little lost this week. I have so much to do starting a new semester and it is already hard for me to focus.

I always figure it out in the end, but the reality is I can feel it coming again.

I can feel it coming back into my life. Depression. My old friend. I am ready to finally finish my degree and yet depression has its sights on me and it is ready to make every day difficult. It is right there, within my grasp for the first time in my life. A major goal that I have worked with my blood, sweat, and so many tears to achieve. It’s right on the horizon. I am reaching out and it is waiting for me.

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It’s almost kismet. Every year towards the beginning of March just on the cusp of spring is when I start to feel vestiges of depression in the early parts of my year start to fade. The weather has been especially cold lately, and it only serves at making me feel worse. I woke up this morning not interested in my day. It took all I had to just take a shower and get my day going. To eat breakfast was a struggle. I was able to read a major chapter for my diversity class and work on my main discussion post. Every second has been a struggle for my supremacy over depression telling me to go back to bed.

I am always like this March, and this month is usually the defining line in my life. If you didn’t know already I struggle with the extreme end of my Bipolar depression during the months of November-March. It’s like clockwork.

By April, with a few weeks of the changing of the time under my belt, I start to feel more at ease. I can better control my anxiety and depression as I work towards summer. I usually get through my summer with very little depression. The weather change is everything. But for the month of March, I will most likely struggle at some level with my depression. How bad depends on me.

The hardest part is finding the reasons to get up and keep working. It could be so easy to just put myself in cruise mode and let things go. I could for once act like I don’t have to be perfect in every aspect of my life.  I can’t. I have worked too hard. I have too many plans. And that is too much a part of the personality of The Bipolar Writer.

So I get out bed today and move forward. Keep checking the list and see where I go today. I have to live in the moment and not let the depression control every aspect of my day. I feel as if things are different this year. I have my blog and the people that believe in what I write each day.

This will always be my life. In this Bipolar Life, peace is not an everyday concept that I can have, it’s just the reality. These days are what make me stronger, at least that is my hope. I may muddle through the next few weeks but as long I keep checking off my checklist, I will keep fighting. Always.

James Edgar Skye

Photo Credit:

unsplash-logoDavide Cantelli

unsplash-logoToa Heftiba

37 thoughts on “Slipping Into Depression in March”

  1. You are not alone. I’ve battled it since my mid-twenties, I’m 67. Winter is always the worst. I don’t know how people in Northern Climes cope. Here in South Carolina, the days are lengthening and there are enough warm days to allow me to get out which seems to help. Exercise helps too so I walk. I used to run but…the knees. Hope the spring elevates your spirits. My redtail hawks are building their nest and circling overhead. I feel hope in that.

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  3. You have a great awareness of what you need to do to manage your depression. It is incredibly hard to make that first step, to get out of bed and start anything, but keep going day by day and you will get through this x

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  4. James, my depression is cyclical as well, and exactly like yours. I have found that merely accepting my depression can ease so much stress and anxiety. Baby steps. And remember, one of our unlearned skills is taking care of ourselves. Treat yourself to a pedicure. Listen to music at warp volume. Eat that sticky bun. Be good to you and rest in the knowledge that when God puts us through trials, the joy on the other side is more than we can fully comprehend. Be well, my friend. 🙂

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  6. Weather changes are the worst for my BP! You’ll get through it, though. It sounds like you have a lot going for you and I always love your positive outlook! I’m going through something really similar with social anxiety and your posts make me feel like I’m not alone. Hang in there!

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  8. I have issues with depression and suicidal thoughts. I spoke to a friend of mine a few years ago that also had issues, and she said that they might never go away and that we have to learn to live with it. So that’s how I look at it now. When I get those thoughts of hopelessness, I almost see it as someone outside myself. Like the Matrix movie when Neo sees the bullets go by slowly. The thoughts are irrational and makes no sense for my situation. Doing that has greatly reduced the amount of “downtime” that I have. Plus I listen to motivational stuff constantly.

    I spoke to a patient today that has chronic back pain and she pretty much said what you said. She gets out of bed and keeps moving no matter what. I think it’s great that you are fighting this and are continuing to do your checklist. I donated. People here are definitely rooting for you.

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    • Thank you so Vic. It helps when I get donations you will get a mention in my book. For me, having Bipolar One, it is for life. I am okay with that now. I wasn’t always but it doesn’t define me. I learned so much over the last few years of how much I am willing to fight. Not just for myself, which is important, but for the community at large. We can learn to manage and believe that t doesn’t define us. Writing really helps me.

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  13. I’m in the same boat, so you’re not alone… as there are more people here than you and I. When you stated: “I always figure it out in the end, but the reality is I can feel it coming again.” That really hit me hard, dear friend. We can feel it coming, and it’s sad when we know it… although we don’t like the “heads up”, sometimes it’s good that we have it… at least we can prepare ourselves.
    Anyway, I feel what you feel.
    Stay strong.
    Thank you for sharing. ❤

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  14. You know, the last couple of years I’ve started to get particularly low around Sept/Oct, when the days start getting shorter. It’s taken me a while to realise just how much the weather can affect my mood.

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  15. Its hard for me not to get depressed this time of year especially when you live in Nebraska. The weather is always fluctuating and it throws you emotions into a loop. I’m just glad that I actually enjoy cloudy and foggy weather otherwise I would make it most the time. I’m glad that you have a hope at the end of your depression that’s always a bonus. As long as you can see a way out for yourself you will escape for now. How we come into our dark times is what really determines there deration. You have already determined it will end so eventually it will, possibly in a shorter time than you might have previously thought. As long as you continue with that mindset even at your lows I believe you wont be caught in the clutches of another long depression.

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  17. Pingback: Slipping Into Depression in March — The Bipolar Writer – International Badass Activists

  18. Bonjour James, this post sounds so familiar to me 🙂 I almost forgot it. Look at this !!!! I have been through the same ups and downs until my thirties… yep, you can’t help it…. or yes, you can, in my case, I will write a post on St John’s wort (hypercum perforatum). And how it reduced my march depression and swing moods. I dunno if in US you can find this by a chemist, or if it is illegal. Anyway, you need a physician’s counselling if you consider to take it, you’d better not mix up with orher “drugs” (meds). Sun lighting is also not recommended. So if you live in California, be careful. This proves his power. Flower power !!! Gday from rainy Parisian banlieu.

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  19. Pingback: Slipping Into Depression in March – The Bipolar Writer – International Badass Activists

  20. I completely understand. My birthday was last Thursday and it was the first down day I’ve had in so long. Days like that make me feel like I’ve failed somehow. I cancelled all of my plans that day and allowed myself to stay in bed and numb it with mindless television. The next day I forced myself to return to life, and honestly, I think allowing myself just 24 hours was probably the best thing I could have done for myself. This weather makes the depression worse, not to mention the stressors that come with school. You are not alone. Stay strong. ❤

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  21. My depression is the worst through the winter months as well. Once that sun comes out, it’s like a switch is flipped internally. You’re quote, “I always figure it out in the end, but the reality is I can feel it coming again.” Is so powerful. It speaks to me very deeply. I’m glad you are able to recognize those day because that truly helps push them aside and focus on what needs done. Stay strong! And thanks for the post!

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